Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Holidays and Motives

Well, it was a nice Christmas. I love my new custom color-matched floor mats! Simple pleasures for simple people...

Had a interesting conversation with my brother-in-law this week about weaknesses and strengths, and how easily we get them confused. Sometimes it's in the area of our strengths where we can get overconfident and make decisions based on wrong or selfish motives. Our weaknesses are sometimes easier to know and work around, than are our successes.

It brought to mind my favorite stanza of one of my favorite hymns, Be Thou My Vision. I've often tried to use this verse as a model for my thinking, but have seldom been able to do so:

Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise;
Thou mine inheritance, now and always.
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart;
High King of Heaven, my Savior Thou art.

As much as I try to hold wealth lightly (knowing it's a resource I'm only temporarily managing), and try not be flattered by the sweetness of people's kind affirmation of me, I still find myself making decisions to take a job that pays well, at a company where they really seem to want me. These allurements of wealth and praise are tenacious in their hold on me, though both are fleeting, as is this earthly life. Would that I could live this verse fully, and focus on the eternal...

Well, from the eternal to the mundane -

American business sort of grinds to a halt during this week between Christmas and New Year's. Only a skeleton crew is working at most companies, including the ones I'm waiting on. And all of you out there slaving away, you know who you are! So everyone, in honor of those few who actually are working this week, let's please observe a few days of silence on the job front, shall we?

Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year! Oh, and how do you spell Chanukkah?

Friday, December 23, 2005

The Picture's Becoming Clearer

Feedback this morning from yesterday and Tuesday's interviews, and it helps clarify things.

They said I interviewed well, they liked me. But at the same time as I was there for my second day of interviews, another person was there for her first day of them. The feedback given to the recruter was: "if we could have half of her and half of him... that'd be just what we want in a candidate."

So, neither of us are ideal in their minds. The other candidate is coming back after the 1st of the year for more interviews, and the hiring manager instructed the HR gal that they "want to also interview 3-4 others." None of those will even get started interviewing until the first week of January. By the end of that next week, I leave for New England, so... we simply can't wait for this one anymore. I was not close enough to what they wanted to make them stop the "routine" process and concentrate on me.

I think it's safe to say as a result that 2 of the 3 "local opportunities" are now out. The 3rd one has still not, after repeated calls from the recruiter, gotten back regarding the last interview they said they needed to make a decision. Granted, I am the only person they were looking at for that job, but nothing will happen now until after 1/1. It would have to move like lightning to be resolved in time. It could, but I can't see that happening given how they've handled it so far.

My plan now is to leave for New England, driving one car there, the afternoon of 1/13. It's getting more clear all the time that there's nothing definite enough here to keep me from going ahead with the move East.

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Much better day today

Still a little queasy, but far better than Tuesday. Got through the scheduled interviews and then made up the two I cut short on Tuesday over the lunch hour today. The guy I bailed out on Tuesday said today "you look much better!" Yup. I was.

Nice people. They'd be good to work with. The job actually seems a little better than when I first heard about it. A little less emphasis on grunt work than I originally thought, and a little more opportunity for innovation here and there, and the occasional something interesting to work on from time to time.

One of the interviewers asked me "how long before you'll get bored with this job?" I just had to laugh. I'd been asking myself that for a while. I conservatively said that I thought 3 years or so would be enough to get the role defined and things running nicely. But it's more like 18 months....

It is just not as challenging professionally, with nowhere near the opportunity for advancement as the one I accepted in New England. But that doesn't mean it's absent of both. It's not. And, really a very nice place to work, happy atmosphere, low cost of living, etc.

One of the other interviewers asked me why I had come back to my current/former/just-ended job, when it looked on paper like I had lost an officer title to do it. That's true, I did. But... the move to this community was really a lifestyle-driven one, not a career-driven one. And, that's what the job I interviewed for today would be, too. It would be for lifestyle reasons only.

And how do you measure the importance of those? Lots of other people enter into the decision, then, and take on a larger role in it. Less of me, more of them. But... less of me in the decision still has an impact on them, too, as I live with the long-term results of the decision. Indirectly, yes, but still an impact, because try as I might, I still will bring the job and its effects home with me.

So, now we wait again. I have a direction set. I'm getting ready for it. All I am waiting for now is to see if anything or anyone is going to change that direction. I leave for New England in 3 weeks.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

What not to do in an interview

Get violently ill.

Well, it wasn't exactly during the interview, but I had to cut them short yesterday to avoid losing my breakfast in the wastebasket in the conference room. Uffda! This was a new experience.

Some kind of 24 hour flu bug hit me during the morning and I faded fast. Peeled out of there at 10:30 instead of noon, and got about 10 minutes away by car when I had to pull over. After about 3 of those, I drove a little more, stopped for gas, and instead of pumping the gas right away, slept in the car at the pump for 15 minutes.

When I got home I slept from 12:30 in the afternoon until 6:30 the next morning, with about an hour and a half awake in between. As of today, my fever has broken, the joints don't feel achy anymore, and food is staying down. So I got back to the HR gal and we are on for Thursday to finish up the interviews. We'll just run until 1:30 instead of noon.

Talk about embarassing...

But they were nice about it. Seem like decent people. Yesterday was with the technical people, tomorrow is with the operational people. Don't expect to hear anything from them until after 1/3, and still no word from the other company about wrapping up the last interview still needed there.

In the meantime, things continue to move forward in New England. The corporate apartment is all set up for me, and I will drive one car out there either the first trip or two weeks later. Everyone out there seems excited, and I'm getting more so every day! It really should be fun. But, these other discussions locally have to play themselves out. I suppose there's still an outside chance one of them will be compelling, but so far... nothing says so. And, the longer they take to resolve, the less likely it is that they'll be desireable enough to change anything.

My mind is getting more fixed on New England each week.

Friday, December 16, 2005

Phone Calls

My new boss called me this morning, and we had a nice chat. He's eager to get started, and seems happy. Cute little story he related... after I interviewed the last time, one of the people who had to give a yes/no answer on me emailed back a one-word evaluation. "Hooray!" was all he said. :) That's nice...

The relocation service people called too, and we went over things for an hour. Apparently the company has a corporate apartment downtown (furnished) that they will provide me, starting 1/14. It has parking already and is within walking distance of the office, so that will eliminate parking issues for a while. Good. I'd rather have that than a suburban location and a commute. Ick. There'll be plenty of time for that.

But, beyond that they were very willing to slow the whole thing down until after the holidays. I will call them when we are ready to start talking to realtors, etc. And that will not happen until I have some resolution on the remaining "in-state" jobs, hopefully by the end of that first week in January. I don't want them shelling out any money on me yet if I can help it.

And oh... one of the three "in-state" jobs is dead as of yesterday. Rejection letter. This was the least exciting of the three, and no tears shed over that. Still have two half-day interviews next week with one company, and a remaining interview with the other still being scheduled, hopefully next week, too.

I need to be done with this. I know, I know... I have to let these other opportunities play out. But I already feel like moving forward with the job in hand. It's time to work again. Vacation needs to be over.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

A Start Date

January 16, 2006.

Just as my severance is running out. Good timing.

They are happy to have me in New England! I'm glad they're excited about it. Now it's my turn to get excited. It might take a while, but I'm starting to get there. I wish I could pick everyone up I know and love here, and just plant them all in New England, so the transition wouldn't be so dramatic and stressful.

But, get over it! And, get over yourself! Dive in and get moving! It'll get easier. It has to.

I'm thinking I'll drive one car out there right off. It must be about a 3 day drive, from what I remember from the last time. Wonder where they'll put me up? A Residence Inn or something? Those aren't so bad - breakfasts and dinners are there for you daily in the main lounge area, and they have exercise and laundry facilities...

I asked the recruiter today to inform them (sometime soon) about my desire for a place to sit that doesn't get sunshine much. Too hot! I wonder if they'll just laugh. If they do, I'll tell them it's the thyroid medicine I take and do you want an ADA claim on your hands? :) Well, maybe not. But when I was there for interviews, in the offices with southern exposure it was absolutely roasting! I'd never get any work done. I'd have to go walking around to see people in the afternoons...

Hardwood floors again! I love that about New England. I'm eager to start reviewing the housing market to see what's out there with a reasonable commute.

Parking! Shoot. I'll have to have the recruiter get some numbers to call about renting a monthly spot in a garage nearby. The subsidized parking has a 2 year waiting list. Maybe this time we'll stay out there that long! :)

The recruiter is still urging me to continue with the local interviews, especially with the longer start date giving us more time to get resolution. I still don't see anything coming from them, but the possibility has to be ruled out to everyone's satisfaction before we can move on, so - I'll have them next week.

But, one way or another, I'm employed as of 1/16. Yay!

Monday, December 12, 2005

A mixed blessing

The recruiter called. And the news was... mixed.

First off, the N.E. company acceeded to my requests for a minimum of 90 days temporary living expense, and for more vacation (30 days!). :) She told them we would respond by Wednesday AM. Gulp! But, I know what I will say. Because...

The feedback from Monday's interviews is... very good. They want me to come back and meet a couple more people. :) By Thursday! Because, the main guy I met with, who's coordinating things, will leave Thursday for the rest of the year. :( Which means, even if it goes well again - there'll be no answers until after 1/1.

No feedback at all yet from Tuesday's interviews on the dullest job of the bunch. :(

And the guy I had lunch with Tuesday... is out of the office until Friday, but the HR gal is setting me up with 8-10 more people!!! :) But, not until next week. Tuesday the 20th 8 - noon, and Thursday the 22th 8 - noon. And of course, finishing interviews two days before Christmas means no decisions there until after 1/1, either. :(

So... since all the "local" ones are so nebulous, and won't gel at all until January, and could just as easily go nowhere as produce an offer...

Wednesday morning I will accept the offer to go to N.E., and start mentally gearing up for the move. And it's a good faith acceptance, too, because none of the rest have jumped out at me and said "You're our man - don't worry. We'll work out a deal for you!", and that's what I would have needed, to say no to N.E., and nobody has said that.

So far, it's just normal interview processes that are ruling the day locally, and I've had many of those that went nowhere. Nobody's shortcutting the process for me. I can't bank on them producing an offer. I may not even hear definitive answers before I'd actually need to be in N.E. to start the new job! I mean, how long did it take to produce an offer there? 3 months!!!

I will probably start there on 1/9. I may ask for another week, a 1/16 start, so that the 90 days temporary living runs through 4/15 and the end of tax season, but I doubt they'd want to wait that long.

So, it looks like we're off! Anything can still happen, of course, but... I have to move forward, and start to get excited about it. Nothing here is yelling "Stop! Stay!" And until it does... we're moving East! Start the clock... 4 weeks left...

Friday, December 09, 2005

Waiting is not all bad

No feedback from anyone. About anything.

Nothing from the Monday interviews, Tuesday interviews, nothing. The recruiter continues to call and may have something for me later today, but, probably not until Monday now.

On the flip side, the N.E. company has not gotten back yet on the vacation issue I posed to them, so I don't have to give them an answer today! Yay! Probably Tu/W of next week, though.

All I want before then is feedback from the other interviews. That will help a lot in knowing how to respond to the offer.

Ai, ai, ai! If I could wait on one front and not the other, that would be ideal. Instead, I wait on them all.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Ethics, Schmethics... it's not my department.

Well, of course it is, but...

the recruiter said today that she will handle all the discussions vis-a-vis the offer. I shouldn't worry about it. Hmmm.

I shared with her all my concerns about being on the up-and-up with the N.E. company, so that they would understand any reason for a delay in answering them, and expressed again that I felt weird about accepting and then potentially backing out. She has the same concerns, but insisted she will manage the conversation with them and take responsibility for the result. OK...

The guy I had lunch with unexpectedly yesterday talked with the recruiter today and it looks like the job is NOT mine to have, but he will interview others. I probably will not get to talk to anyone else there until the week of 12/19. And so far, no feedback yet from the other two interviews Monday and Tuesday. So, what's firm over there? Nothing!

No reaction to my counter-offer, either (not much of a counter... may I have more vacation? Parking? More temp. living expense?)

So, we wait some more. And wonder what's next.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Curiouser & Curiouser

Well, as they say...

when it rains it pours.

Now a third position has opened in the same city to our West, at a company I had talked with a couple of months ago. At that time, they needed approval from a foreign parent to approve the addition to staff, and didn't get it. Now, instead, they have a vacancy to fill that needs no approval. The head of the department there contacted me at home last night, and on my way to my other interviews today (details below), we had lunch and kicked things around. I think I can meet needs that he has. He knows about the offer I have in play, and said he can't react quite fast enough to counter it, but does want to keep talking. So do I.

The other company I interviewed with today, per previous plan, is a very different atmosphere than the one Monday. More laid back and relaxed. The position in question is also one with probably very little stress associated with it - a research unit of sorts, with one or two large company-wide projects a year to handle. Lower pay, no doubt - I knew that already. But how low? Don't know yet. Professionally not the same level of excitement or challenge, but good for a slower lifestyle, if that's what's best...

is it?

They have one other candidate they are interviewing and thought they would be able to tell me something by the end of this week. No feedback yet from Monday's bizarre interviews, nor any feedback yet from the New England company on my negotiating points the recruiter posed to them. Will talk with her Wednesday to see what they think, if anything, and update her on the events of today.

I still don't think I will know enough by the end of the week to say "no" to New England, but...

Do I say "yes" to them, while still carrying on discussions with 3 other companies? Do I stop the discussions upon accepting? Or disclose those discussions to the N.E. company and risk them losing interest in me, or thinking that I'm just playing them for leverage?

I'm not playing them. I'll certainly go, and plan to, if nothing else intervenes that's comparable. It's a good job, and fair compensation. Just an unattractive location to all concerned. Nobody WANTS to go there. And, so far, I don't see anything comparable, in large part because no one has talked compensation on the three remaining discussions. But, what if something does emerge from those - after I've accepted? Do I ignore it?

I don't like being in this position. I'm unsure of how to think. It reminds me of Jesus' comments to His disciples: “Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves. Therefore be wise as serpents and harmless as doves." and "For the people of this world are more shrewd in dealing with their own kind than are the people of the light." Am I being too smart for my own good, or not smart enough, in my dealings with these businesses?

What do I disclose, to whom, and when?

Comments are welcome.

Monday, December 05, 2005

Unexpected

A couple of unexpected things today.

First a clarification on the offer. It's NOT a VP title. It's an Asst. VP title, so not a step up, but a lateral. That explains the bonus opportunity being what it is (no higher than where I was), and the salary being advertised to me by the recruiter as having "no wiggle room" in it - firm as offered. Ah well. Doesn't affect anything but my pride... :)

And also, there is NO home purchase program available, but it sounds like the temporary living expenses are negotiable. So, perhaps we will have until Spring to sell the house, which will also mean that Deb can do her seasonal tax accounting job again, and will mean more trips back here for a while. It depends on what the recruiter can negotiate for me, how many additional days are possible. If she can get me 90 days, then we will have a slower transition of the household (which is good), but it will mean me living out of a hotel longer. Not so good.

Second, my interview today West of here got longer than I thought. I was slated to meet with one guy, but met instead with 3 additional ones, added halfway through the first interview, as the guy got more interested in me and felt he wanted others to meet me too. They were all surprised and so was I, but I had the time, so why not? :)

It's an organization in flux. Lots of changes in structure happening, and even 2 of the guys I met with today weren't quite sure what their roles would be tomorrow! But, the job would support two areas that are fairly stable, and it sounds absolutely fascinating... things I have skills in, but have never applied quite this way before. And, an oddball relationship back with my old company, who has a joint venture with this one, which I would be involved in managing. Very strange... Plus, another part of the job would involve setting standards of practice at a corporate level for all the other people at the company that are in my area of discipline. Hm...

Still, we have to wait for feedback from them to know if 1) they're interested in me at all, and 2) if they will move fast enough to make a difference in how I respond to the offer on the table. They are still defining the job, and could make it really fun for me if they did it right... :)

But, I'm NOT getting my hopes up for that. I have to move forward with what I know is firm, and trust that if this is the right job for me, something will happen to make that clear. At this point, I can't put off my response to the offer for more than another day or two.

Nor can I put off my drug test. :) Have to go in tomorrow or Wednesday for that. Darn. Now all that partying over the weekend is going to catch up with me, I just know it... ;)

Friday, December 02, 2005

Here We Go...

The offer came in from the company in New England. Should I be using bold type with an exclamation and a smiley?

The offer came in! Yay! :)

Like that...

Um, yes, I guess I should. It's the first one, and it's... a good one. Mostly.

VP title (the middle of 3 such grades), $10K more than I made in my previous job, similar bonus opportunity. The $10K will be eaten up by cost of living differences, definitely, but it will essentially keep me whole, financially, which is what I wanted at a minimum. A moderate signing bonus of 12.5% of the base salary offer is included, which is nice, since I won't be eligible for one in Spring.

Beyond that, there's the full relocation package - pretty standard stuff, but a little light in spots, such as only 30 days of temporary living expenses, which is pretty fast to sell here, move the household, plus buy a new place there. I don't know yet whether the relo plan includes a home purchase feature, which I've had the last 3 times I've moved. If it does, 30 days is workable, because you sell the house for a fair market value derived by 2-3 appraisers, and can vacate right away. If it doesn't include that feature, I will want to negotiate for more temporary living expenses, like 90 days worth. One trip home every other weekend is included for however long the temporary living expenses last. But even then, what is 48 hours every other week? You might as well be moved.

They want an answer by Friday 12/9. I will talk to them on Monday just to go over formally the terms of the offer and ask questions (one of which is on the home purchase thing). So, over the weekend, we think about it. Although, what's to think about? Like I have lots of options? Sure, on Monday, I interview at one nearby company, the other one on Tuesday. At that point, I should know whether either of those opportunities are so good and so likely that they will stop me from accepting this one. At this point, I can't see how that would happen. I think I have to take it, don't you?

Here is, then, the "bird in the hand." Not an offer that is so good I simply can't refuse it, but not one that is insulting either. Like the recruiter said: "It's a very fair offer." The job itself is good, and the career opportunities there look good. The only real negative is... the location. Expensive, too far from relatives and loved ones, and it isn't even warmer there! :)

And then there's the two birds in the bush... as the old proverb says, they're sort of equal in value to the one in hand. I guess I'll have to get a closer peek at those two birds in the bush on Monday and Tuesday, and try to guess how close they are to flying out where I can get at them. And about the new lead at the local company - I haven't heard back on my resume' from them, and it may simply be too late if they don't act...

I'm excited, I'm nervous, I'm apprehensive, I'm ambivalent. What to do? What to think? I think I'm stuck. I think I have to take it.

I have a week.


Monday, November 28, 2005

Local Interviews!

The recruiter procured for me interviews at both of the companies nearby. Good!

But they are not until next week. Bad!

No, not bad. :) They are Monday and Tuesday. And the New England company hasn't yet collected feedback from all the necessary parties, so they haven't generated an offer yet for me to react to. But I'm still confident they will.

The timing might just work out so that I have the interviews nearby before I have to get back to the N. E. company. That would be nice. We like options!

And, a friend from church just sent me a lead to a local company I had tried to get inside, but couldn't. His brother-in-law works there. :) So I'm sending him my resume', and at least it will have gotten me in there, so that I can talk to them. Otherwise, I'd always wonder...

So, a good day! Things are looking up right now.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Timing Is Everything

Well! Now there are two jobs cooking in that small city an hour or so to our West.

The recruiter called today with news that one of them to which she had just given my resume (see last post) wants me in for a preliminary, informal, informational discussion. Yeah, yeah. It's an interview! :) But, not until the week of 12/5. :(

Then a company there we had contacted a few months ago just had an opening surface. Not a challenging or exciting job, but... still in the vicinity. Top pay is about 10% less than what I was making, and we could survive that. Housing's a little cheaper there. They want me in next week for half a day's worth of real interviews.

So, if I get an offer from the New England company, it may come right as I'm having these other interviews. I wonder if I'll be forced to respond to one before I know enough about the others... It's like that old joke where the reporter is interviewing a famous comedian and asks him:

"What's the key to successful comedy? What is it that really makes a joke work? You know, the most important..." "Timing!" "...thing about... Oh... ha! Yeah, I get it - timing! hahahahaha"

Funny.

Saturday, November 19, 2005

Well? Now what?

OK, a successful day in New England, I think. Good interviews all the way around, on both jobs.

I now understand what they are - it was kinda fuzzy before this. One of them is high profile, challenging, a good fit, all the stuff I'd want. Relocation is a must - to New England again. They wanted to hire me on the spot, I think, but followed protocol and I'll hear about it through my recruiter.

The other job is very much like what I've been doing the last 4 1/2 years. A field support job - a lateral move. I could walk right in and be productive, help them a lot. It's less senior, less money I'm sure. How much less, I don't know, but likely not enough to afford the change in cost of living to move to New England, which is where they want it. But, I brought up the idea of supporting the field location from here. The main regional office is in a Southwestern Chicago 'burb. There are subsidiary offices in other cities not too far away. They were skeptical, but I will tell the recruiter that I would prefer that job if it can keep us in the Midwest. We'll see how they react.

In the meantime, while I wait for reactions (which will probably take until after Thanksgiving, as in 11/28), a new job an hour & a half West of here is opening up, and the recruiter put my resume in for that. I hope to get over there within the next 10 days to interview...

The reinsurance company in Chicago... looks like they're being sold. So that one is dead. Better left alone. Still waiting to hear back from new jobs possibilities in Atlanta and North Carolina. But, probably little activity during the holiday week.

Wait, wait, wait.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Getting Anxious...

I fly to New England Thursday night for grueling group interview #3...

Someone asked me if I was getting excited about it. :) hahahahaha...

The first time I went I was curious. The second time excited. This time I'm determined. I'm going to answer everyone's questions to their satisfaction or phooey on them. If they don't like me, I'll go be a wine salesman... really!

Monday, November 07, 2005

Convergence?

Feedback from the Friday interview is that the Chicago company wants to consider me at a higher level than the job I interviewed for. It will be a week or so before they figure out what that is.

The most recent entry into the job sweepstakes :) (from Atlanta) likes my resume' but will need a week or so before they can start interviewing. They have to deal with the incumbent hiring manager and move her into another role first.

So, it looks like with my trip to New England on the 18th, that perhaps by then I will know more on these other two opportunities and maybe have all of them come to a head at once. Wouldn't that be nice? Of course, that happened once before, and the result was that everyone said no... except one who said "uh, just a minute... let me think about this some more." And they're still thinking...

At dinner we discussed: do you think that we are supposed to be doing something else completely? Or that there is something that we're just waiting for to happen that will make everything clear? Yeah, it feels that way sometimes. What is it, anyway? What are we waiting on? It's like when you are sailing along on the freeway and you hit an inexplicable traffic jam. You wonder... what's up ahead that's stalling everything? And you don't know, until you get there.

Saturday, November 05, 2005

Can we draaaaag this out any longer?

Finally! A date for my third (and final?) interview trip to New England.

11/18 - another two weeks to wait! :(

There's good things about waiting, of course. I get to stay longer with people I love. :) I get two more weeks to explore the other jobs that continue to percolate, and who knows what they'll turn into? The closer we get to the end of the year, the easier it will be for Deb to stay here during tax season and finish up that last quarter of work she needs for vesting her Social Security benefit. And, I get the honor of receiving more unemployment compensation payments...

But, then... the house still has to sell in late winter/early spring (not the best time), and we continue to eat up the severance benefit, not to mention continue to have to pay COBRA. I would sure rather be working as soon as possible.

At this point, though, I can't imagine getting an offer from anyone before Thanksgiving. We're going to be thankful regardless, though. I will not start getting angry or resentful at God. If there's blame to be shouldered here, I'll do that.

Friday, November 04, 2005

It's Never Simple

Just got off the phone from the interview with the company in Chicago. Here's what I emailed the recruiter about it:

***************

She talked non stop... yak yak yak... :) She seemed to have no sense of the clock at all. Nice person, but unorganized and prone to tangents - at least on the phone. She admitted to two faults - disorganization and being nit-picky. She volunteered this as having been told so recently by others. :) She said to expect long hours and no time off at all from Thanksgiving through 1/15 each year!

Telecommuting did not sound like an option at all for this specific position, although it is widely used for roles where there's little need for customer interaction. Here, there's lots of deals being done, and a team environment, which really requires a person to be in their Chicago office.

She said I was overqualified for this job and that I really should have hers instead! She will talk to her direct boss, and the head of operations for her division (her dotted line boss) and see if there is someplace they could use me that would take better advantage of my background and experience.

It sounded like she is still interested, but wants to find a better fit for me than this job, which she thinks I'd get bored with quickly.

*****************

So there you have it.

But what is it that you have?

Um... a lead on another person to talk to about a potential job not yet identified. Yep. More of the same. And, still no date to fly to New England for what I hope is the final interview there. This is turning into a nice, long vacation I have here! I'd better enjoy it while I can! :)

Think positive! Please!

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Unemployment Compensation

I'm official now. I'm one of the jobless on the government dole...

Filed my first weekly claim for unemployment compensation. Oh boy! :) Finally I get a chunk of my income taxes back from this highly important and worthwhile government program which I hope they never discontinue as long as I'm working. Once I retire they can get rid of it.

I have to make two job contacts a week to continue to validate this claim. Two a week... yeah I guess I do that. Or rather, my recruiter does. And, she's still producing leads... another 3 Atlanta-based jobs, and...

Have a phone interview set up for Friday with the Chicago-based reinsurer that has the telecommuting option. The New England company is still trying to get me set up to come in one last time, but can't get the executives together yet. Who knows how long that will take?

In the meantime, foreclosure on my house is a scant 3 months away...

Oh, and did I mention I turned 50 on Monday?

Are we having fun yet?

:)

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Here we go round and round...

The recruiter just called and said - all the job opportunities I thought I was interviewing for at the New England company that would leave me in the Midwest were resolved internally. None available at all. :(

However, the head actuary for the whole Commerical Insurance area of that company wants me in his organization. We had talked way back on my first visit about a unit he wants to build within Claim and Loss Prevention to support those areas with actuaries. That's what he wants me for, apparently. I guess it's a more senior job than anything I had interviewed for with them to this point. :)

This guy wants me back in to their New England home office for another set of talks about this job, and to meet the CFO, the head of Claims, etc. He's serious enough, apparently, to also make the recruiter suggest that this trip also double as a househunting trip for Deb and me. Which means it will be a New England based job, only, in the city where we lived before. Not in St. Paul, not in Milwaukee. We are looking at either the 2nd-4th of November, or the 9th-11th, for that trip. On one hand it's encouraging that they still want me, and for a responsible job, but discouraging that it has to be so far away from people I love. So, I should be happy... but...

And on another front... the recruiter sent my resume to yet another company in Chicago, a reinsurance firm, who would want me to work for them as a telecommuter out of my home here, going into Chicago now and then as needed. They are still interested in talking but the hiring manager has been traveling. She will follow up again Friday or Monday. So, we'll see... too early to tell if they will pursue it. But, it's always good to have a backup plan...

Now tell me... should I feel good? Or... what?

Friday, October 21, 2005

Disappointment

Here's what I send to J & J today to keep them abreast of their Dad's situation...

" :(

I heard today that the job I had thought was such a good opportunity, but would require a move to St. Paul, is definitely out.

The hiring manager had thought he was going to lose a couple of key people, and did not. Now he's going to promote one to take the job I was hoping for.

He and the head actuary for the company are going to be together Monday and Tuesday at a meeting, and will talk about my situation, and see if there's a viable alternative to discuss with me. I should know about that by Wednesday afternoon.

Other than that, I have nothing else, and am unemployed as of the 28th.

Be glad you're young and just starting out… it gets tough at this stage of life. Reminds me of Eccl. 11:9 - 12:8. Pray for me if you think of it.

Love
Dad "

I have to stave off the discouragement, but really don't know how. I feel like I am being reduced to nothing, beaten into a lump, so that God can take me and make me into something, like a batch of old clay being refashioned into a new vessel. I don't like the process... will I like the result?

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Arghhhh!

This is excruciating!!!

The hiring manager for the St. Paul job has been back from Europe for 3 days now, and I expected to hear today if he's going to offer me something and what. So I send the recruiter a desperate email whining about not knowing anything yet.

She calls back and says that the guy called her last night after 7PM (which is after 8PM EDT), meaning he is working pretty late. He told her he is out of the office all day today and half of tomorrow, has his back to the wall on many fronts. Yet, he still took the time to call her. That's positive - he's still thinking about me. :)

He said she should call him Friday AM, at which time he'll have the final details of the unit structure worked out and have decided what he wants to offer me (if anything - my phrase, not his). So... I wait some more.

She thinks that Friday will not mean an offer, but rather a decision on what position the offer will be for, and the offer itself will come next week. Oh, I hope so. Next week is my last in the office and after that... I start eating into severance and have to pay for COBRA benefit continuation, etc.

Help!!! My nerves are getting to me... more drugs, more alcohol, more caffiene... no - just kidding. But it feels like that. God, grant me patience - and RIGHT NOW!

Friday, October 14, 2005

Stay In Touch

That's what people are starting to say now, when I see them. "You have my email address." "Don't be a stranger, now." "Call me sometime, we'll have lunch."

Found out today that the two lingering internal opportunities are officially dead. I'm out of here for real. This is sounding pretty final - finally. I really do have to think about packing up the office. I just want to have a job offer in hand before I start. It would make it feel so much better to pack, knowing it was going to go somewhere.

Who wants to leave something or someone behind... when there's no place else for you to go? It feels so empty to leave without being able to look forward to anything.

Monday, October 10, 2005

Silence

Not deadly silence, but silence just the same. Still at least a week from knowing if I get an offer about the job in St. Paul, or something related to it. Nothing about any continuing interest from the telecommuting job the recruiter inquired about. Nothing from internal sources - at all... just silence.

In the meantime, I signed the severance agreement today and forwarded it to Home Office. Final day... 10/28. I'm procrastinating on packing. Pfui! I'll wait.

Jenny's waiting, too. Still no word from the art shipping company, but she will inquire again tomorrow. Today is her last day at the Art Institute in that temporary job - nothing there about being rehired for anything, so as of tomorrow... unemployed. And, she's going with new girlfriend to see an apartment tonight to rent together. Net cost $400 each per month. Where it's going to come from, I don't know... right now, from my checkbook...

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Safe at Home?

Hm. On the same day that I learn my final day in the office will be 10/28, get the official letter with COBRA benefits, etc., I get a call from the recruiter that there's another job she wants me to explore with a Chicago-based company. This one would report to the highest-ranking professional in my field in that company, and have the strong possibility of being a telecommuting position, with no relocation needed. They brought that up to the recruiter, not vice versa. Hm.

Apparently they do lots of telecommuting kinds of positions, have a lot of experience at it and understand how it should be done. And, that's what I asked the recruiter to research in the first place. Nothing was available at the time. How odd... So, I told her to pursue it, at least enough find out what the position is all about and show them my resume' to see if they're really interested. We'll find out.

Now, if they are, and I am... will everyone else in my life be? Or have they all gotten used to the idea of me moving away?

Monday, October 03, 2005

Rounding The Bases

Got a call over the weekend from the hiring manager for the St. Paul job. All the feedack from the interviews was "very good", and he's "hopeful we can work something out." Looks like I stroked a liner into the gap in right center... :) Now, the question is... how many bases will I get?

He is not yet settled on the structure he wants for this unit, and one of his current staff, a key guy, is being recruited away. If he loses him, it may mean more opportunity for me. So, I don't know yet whether they will offer me a management role or not, but it sounds pretty clear that they'll offer me something.

Now, I wait two weeks until he's back from Europe to find out what he's decided. Arghh... more waiting. It's like I'm rounding the bases and someone presses "pause". Will it be a long single, or can I stretch it to a triple? Probably not - I'm not that fast... :) I'll take a solid double, though.

Thursday, September 29, 2005

A Major-League Sinking Curveball

Wow. Here I am at dinner with the hiring manager for the St. Paul job, and I'm confident... take an agressive stance... crowding the plate a little... and he throws me one high and tight, and I almost land on my keyster. He doesn't think he can (politically) bring me in at a managerial level, because of the number of eminently promotable people on the staff and a culture of promoting from within. Oof!

Then he follows with the changeup. But he himself might not even be there in a year, as he has other opportunities he's being short-listed for, and will need someone to replace him! Oh! I didn't see that one coming, either.

At this point, I'm reeling and have no idea what's next. Then he throws the sinking curve. One of the people I was set to interview with the next morning, who I thought would report to me - may even be my new boss instead! I missed that one clean. Embarrassingly so.

So the next day I need to play this with all the interviewers as if I am coming in to be considered for a job just like the one I have now, not a position to run that whole department of people like me. What I wanted to do was go home right then. Go back to the dugout and sit out the rest of the game. Talk about discouraged. He had me baffled. Still the nicest guy you'd want to meet, but his thinking about this had changed significantly since our first discussion a month ago.

The next morning, a new plate appearance...

And I think I did really well, left a good impression, handled the unexpected turn of events just fine. At least that's my take on it. The position is still worth talking about, I haven't changed my view of that, but... it's now not any better than if I got one of the two remaining possibilities still lingering at my current company (neither of which are making any progress). So, if they do make progress, they will look roughly the same as this St. Paul position. Unless, of course, the compensation is different, which I don't know at this point.

I should hear something about next steps by Friday - and then nothing until 10/19, since the hiring manager is vacationing in Europe for two weeks (while I wait...). So I hope Friday brings good news.

Saturday, September 24, 2005

Here's The Windup... And The Pitch!

and he sends one into deep right field... back, back, back goes the fielder - on the warning track... it's gone! A home run... no doubt about that one, folks!

I'm feeling like I have to hit a home run ball in this upcoming interview. I have to impress, win over everyone, so that there is no doubt about me being the right guy for the job. I'm afraid, though, that if I press... swing for the fences... and don't connect - that I might swing so hard I screw myself right into the ground, and have to walk back to the dugout and wait for the next opportunity.

So, better to just make contact and put the ball in play, right? Let them try to get me out. But see, the thing is, it's not like that. They're not trying to put me out. As an interviewer, you really want the candidate to work out. You're favorably disposed to them in the first place, because you have a job you want to fill. You are really looking for reasons to like them, to see them in the job and performing well. That's what I have to remember, and not press too hard. Simply show up, try to handle cleanly everything that comes my way, and when I get the opportunity, tell them what I think I can do.

As of yesterday I know the lineup I'm facing. The night before, dinner with the hiring manager, the VP, my prospective boss. Nice guy - I'm hoping we will get along well informally over dinner and he will fill in the details on how things work and the people I'll meet with Wednesday. His boss, the COO, the next day - the big cheese! This is the guy who sets the tone for the whole place, which will give me a clue as to where their business is going and how fast.

Also, two people who would be prospective staff of mine. They currently report to the VP, and I would be stepping in between. That's a dicey situation, especially since I would be in a different office than the VP, and for some of the staff he will still be available to go to if he is on site and I am not. I'll bring that up at dinner the night before. Finally, two operations people who these staff members work with and support, so I'll get to see what they want from us and how we can be useful.

It's a good, thorough lineup of people, and should be an excellent read for them and for me on how I would fit in, and where the potential problems are to watch out for. I'm starting to feel ready for it! Doing my warmup swings now, having imaginary conversations with these people while driving around, etc... :)

Family business... Jonny was planning on coming home this weekend, but had no wheels, couldn't find a ride (may not have looked real hard, either), didn't "feel like" taking a bus... so, he didn't really want to come home that badly I think. I think what he wanted was for someone to come get him. But we had too much going on (see below). So, it's kind of like when the toddler drops the passifier in the middle of the night and cries for you to come get it. You'll be doing that until they're in middle school if you don't sometime close your ears to it and let them cry themselves back to sleep.

Jenny had an interview Thursday for a fulltime job with benefits at an art shipping company in the Loop. She'd be building crates??? Hm. But they also wanted someone with real knowledge of some of the artwork they will be handling, to be able to discuss it intelligently with customers, etc. Apparently it's a high-end firm with high-end clients, one she sent an inquiry to back in July, and they contacted her when they had an opening! She should hear by 10/3.

Cleaned out Dad's apartment Friday - he's in the nursing home for good now, not doing well. It was creepy - the whole business was. I had to bring home his blue suit... the one he'll be buried in. :( Why can't it be sudden and quick instead of long, slow stages of decline? But his heart is strong, even though his mind and body are not, so he hangs on. I hate to think that this will be my future, too - since I'm built like him and have the same strong heart.

Signed new wills on Thursday. The kids don't need guardians anymore. Created some trusts instead to ration out insurance proceeds via a trustee (their uncle). All this stuff makes one a little somber. Changes, partings, old responsibilities ending, new ones starting, preparations for farewells... I could use some fun, something both thrilling & fulfilling - something to make me forget about this difficult time of life I'm in, to be just a bit more carefree for a while.

Monday, September 19, 2005

Wait, Wait, Wait...

This is grueling...

I wish the 2nd interview was today! As of tomorrow, another whole week to wait. If I was busy, maybe it wouldn't seem so long. But I feel like I'm doing nothing productive at all about the job search. I just sit and wait...

Arghhh! It's like having study hall for the last period of school, just watching the clock hands crawl...

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Delays and Closed Doors

The trip back to New England for a 2nd interview is off for the 19th. Postponed until the 28th due to travel conflicts with the interviewers. That means a full month after the first interviews! And, still no expense reimbursement from them for my airfare, hotel, car rental.

Heard back from the recruiter today about a second interview in Schaumburg - no such luck. They felt I was lacking experience in one particular area - happens to be the area that they want managed. Um... you have a point there, fellas... And they are right. But I didn't think, with the strong support staff in place, that they needed a technical expert. Guess they want one now. :(

Emailed my buddy in Columbus for a status report about the Des Moines trip, since I haven't heard anything back on that. He got back to me and said that they have nothing to offer me in my salary range - only at about 1/2 what I currently make! So - we cross off Des Moines & Columbus... :(

Did hear about the other internal possibility (other than Atlanta) in the Chicago loop. It has 4 direct reports, but is still a pay grade lower than I am now, same as Altanta. Probably not workable with the increased cost of living there, but the hiring manager does want to talk to me when he's in Chicago later this month. OK, we'll talk.

Especially since the only options I have left now are the one in St. Paul and these two unlikely internal opportunities. The field is narrowing, and I'm both glad of more clarity, but frightened of the rapid diminishing of possibilities. I have to get pretty serious about this St. Paul job now - real serious. Hmmm - wonder what suit I should wear for the 2nd interview?

Monday, September 12, 2005

Why Am I Not Past This?

Found myself in tears this morning at the breakfast table. Honestly, I thought this part was behind me. I had been doing well, I thought. Couldn't give a decent reason why, either. Simply couldn't say. I want it to be behind me, and then I don't. So worry about me prevails at home.

:(

I'm concerned about no followup from Schaumburg yet. Will have to call the recruiter this morning and find out what's up. The internal opportunities are frustrating, too. Talked to the hiring manager for the internal Altanta job Friday - they are still taking external candidates from recruiters! This certainly means they don't like the candidate pool they have so far, me included. Bah, humbug! I really am going to write this one off mentally.

Jenny seems happy in the new job. Several of her co-workers are new to Chicago and have similar interests, so she goes out to coffee with them now and then. There may be a concert opportunity for me to attend with her 9/20 in Chicago - would be nice to arrange a followup visit in Schaumburg that day, too.

Jonny is a real man about campus... spent the weekend in Des Moines at Jessie's house. Who's Jessie, we ask? Well, we don't ask, because we don't talk to him directly, but through a roommate interpreter... :) Oh, just some girl... mmm, hmm. At least there were nearly a dozen kids at her house for the weekend. Guess there's no homework to speak of... should I have really expected anything different? He's still the same kid.

Friday, September 09, 2005

Real Estate

The market here remains hot, so the local daily fishwrap says...

So I think to myself: Sell! Sell! Get the equity out while you can!

But... who the heck wants to move anyway? I don't. Emotionally, I'm still stalling. :(

And until I know where we're going - what's the rush?

This real estate bubble thing is too much like the darn stock market, sensitive to both fundamentals (like interest rates... Why can't loans be free? Whatever happened to the biblical concept of usury?) and investor perception (ooh, this is a hot neighborhood! Let me in!).

And, just like when I had money in the stock market and watched it constantly - it drives me nuts. That's why I got out of stocks - I couldn't handle the daily flopping around they did. Now I want to get out of real estate for the same reason.

When I was in Schaumburg, I picked up the little real estate books at the supermarket, and found the market kind of all over the map as to price. Currently, since I haven't been to St. Paul for an interview yet, the internet is the only way to look around. We've been getting some listings from a realtor in St. Paul, focusing on:

-- neighborhoods, like Highland Park (?), Macalester/Groveland, etc which are close in, and no more than a 20 minute commute to downtown

-- 3/2 ranches between 1800-2000 s.f., or other styles as long as the master and one other bedroom are on the main floor (deteriorating knees dictate certain things...)

But the prices... ugh. Not as reasonable as we might have thought. Let's hope the bubble bursts in St. Paul and Schaumburg before we buy, but waits to burst here until after we sell. :)

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Narrowing The Field

Well, here we go. Got word from the recruiter that a 2nd interview is now scheduled with the New England company for the 19th. Still in their New England office, but the job is definitely OK to be in St. Paul. Yay! They also promised a trip to St. Paul to look around, if this next discussion appears to be leading to an offer.

The Schaumburg company is discussing my candidacy tomorrow. Hopefully I get some word back on that by Friday.

The company an hour West of here... is off the table. The parent company disapproved the job, so that's not an option anymore. :(

The remaining internal discussion about Atlanta is stalled, but I may hear something on that by the end of the week as well. Just moving very slowly. Nothing personal. Umm hmm. If you say so...

The office closure date is slipping into November, but I may be able to get an early release date, and still preserve the severance. Yet - I don't want to hurry the process. I'm not anxious to move, for many, many reasons. :) I'd kind of like to be working here at least through all of October, and then not move until after the Holidays.

Now, add to this that my Dad is going to have to go into a nursing home, maybe yet this week. Thankfully, my older brother is handling the details, even though he lives out of state. So I'll have to go see Dad sometime, when the details are complete, and help clean out his apartment of at least the family momentos. Ugh. Lousy timing... but, why not? Let's get all the trauma out of the way all at once, pack it all into a few months, and get it done. Just - can I get through it in one piece?

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

May I Have Seconds, Please?

So, all but one of the first interviews are done (the last remaining one being the company an hour West of here, still waiting for signoff from their parent to create the job) and the followup thank you's are sent. Now, I wait to see who is interested enough to set up a second interview.

Hopefully I find all that out this week or next, then have the second interviews by the end of the month, so that if offers are forthcoming, they will hit before my employment here runs out sometime in October. I'm still hoping that an 11/1 start date is OK, but... it seems to be slipping.

Talked to the recruiter this morning, and the New England company wants me back out there for another interview! Yay! They like me! Maybe...

This is for the St. Paul based job, and they said that if there was a third interview, it would be in St. Paul. So I gave them a bunch of potential travel dates, out through the 19th of September, and will see how fast they want to move things. *Yawn*, it's so slooooow...

No kids home for Labor Day weekend. :( Jenny's working (and liking it very much :), and Jonny's... playing. Many interesting new friends to hang with. Oh, well, I still ran and still played basketball, even without Jonny home. A little exercise does seem to get my mind clearer.

Now, c'mon, phone... ring! Tell me that you love me, companies...

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Better! (and worse..)

Maybe it was the suit... :)

A far better day yesterday. Better company, better fit for me, better people to work for, better advancement opportunity, better location, and... better traffic on the way there and back this time. There were two possible positions, with one head and shoulders above the other, as is the manager, I think. The head of the whole department is also a really great lady, fun, positive, and... very family oriented. It comes through in the attitude of the entire department. You work hard while you're there, and then leave when you're supposed to. Good, good...

The immediate area for housing around Schaumburg (pronounced shahmberg, not shauoomburrg) :) is expensive, but according to the realty mags at the supermarket there do seem to be less expensive neighborhoods nearby, too. Not everything is upscale. It appears that the position is senior enough to keep me whole financially, and the relo program should make a transition easy.

The office is about 1/4 mile from Woodfield Mall. I had some time to kill afterwards and went into Marshall Field's. Entered in the men's department and wandered past the fragrance counter. Got a couple of sample cards I liked and then wandered around taking a survey of women shoppers... roughly 6... they unanimously voted for Angel's "B Men". Happy birthday to me... maybe. I want to get a little sample bottle first and try it in person. Um, not the survey part, that's not what I mean. ;)

Had a chance to have dinner with Jonny at school in Elgin. He says, "Dad if you move here it would be way too weird. First Jenny in Chicago, now you guys..." I agree - too weird. About a half hour from each kid. That might be too close. Two hours is better, I think. Anyway, he's doing well, knows half the school already. Everywhere we walked it was "Jonny! Hey!" "It's Jonny!". "Yo, Jon!", etc.

And notes from girls on the grease board on his dorm door. Hmm... this is supposed to be a Christian college... some of the stuff they wrote makes you wonder. Sounds like they're pretty typical college girls to me, with very typical, um... you know... urges. Watch your step, boy!

Ate in the cafeteria, Jonny, me, and a table full of girls. Very friendly girls. Even very friendly when Jonny was off talking to another table... hmm. Maybe it was the leftovers from the fragrance counter. ;) Makes me nervous. Flattered, but nervous. I think I should give up on this idea of being a college professor someday...

So, a fun day all around, and a good night's sleep, too. Much better attitude today. Which is good, because I got some bad news, too. The severance benefit I thought was going to be 35 weeks of salary is only going to be 11. :( They are not going to count the 12 years of service I had with a subsidiary company because I got severance from them when my job there ended 6 years ago. So in their minds I would be getting paid for that experience twice. Bah! There goes the means of paying for college...

And, still no hard date yet on when my last day is here, although it's sounding more like end of October than middle. So much the better, I think. There's too many people I love around here to be in a sweat to leave town. And, still no word on the last remaining internal job opportunity. Slow, slow, slow. I can use the longer timeframe for that reason, too.

Oh, more news on the interviews in New England. They had narrowed it down to 2 jobs for which I was being considered, one of which would be out there and one which could be in St. Paul. Turns out that the one in New England would not pay enough to keep me whole. So, we are down to the St. Paul location anyway, which is the job I liked better anyhow. And St. Paul seems to pose no problem for them, so hopefully there will be a second interview set up soon there.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

I Hate This...

...I just hate it. Today was one of those days I'd like to have back to do again. The only good thing about the trip was having lunch with Jenny and seeing her in her new place. That made me happy! And, after tomorrow's interviews I go to see Jonny at his college to drop off some music books. It'll be a long day, but... better because of that.

I wish I hadn't let the recruiter talk me into this interview. It was a waste of everyone's time.

First, the hiring manager had me wait 10-15 minutes in his office while he took a phone call, while I'm sitting there sitting on my thumbs. He's soooo busy with important stuff, and assured me my life would be like that, too, once I'm on board. Once he's ready to interview me, he talks incessantly, and runs nearly a half hour past the time we were supposed to end, and then adds someone on the interview schedule who wasn't planned. That guy is then miffed because he's been kept waiting a half hour, and in the meantime Chicago traffic is building outside...

The expectations of the job are high and the resources available to accomplish it are nil. Plus, they want a technical data junkie, and I'm not it. The stress level is high, and the hiring manager said "this is not a place for the weak". Gee, I guess that means I'm weak. He commented that their results were so good last year that he paid one guy a bonus that "made his head explode". And he said that for the next two weeks they guy thought that it was all worth it...

Two weeks! I am just not that financially motivated, I guess. To think a huge bonus could buy you off...

When I finally get out of there, the traffic has me at a crawl for half an hour before it opens up. Then when I thought I would get some needed comfort after returning to town, I come back into a situation where there is tension, and all I do is just add to it. It would have been better to spend the night there and try again in the morning, and I wouldn't have gotten those I love upset. :(

I knew before I went that it was not a good fit. I should have said so to the recruiter right away, but I let her talk me into it. Stupid.

I hope tomorrow will be better. I'll wear a different suit. Maybe that will help.

Saturday, August 27, 2005

One Down, One to Go

Jenny got her job at the Art Institute, and starts Monday! Yay! They told her that after 30 days she's eligible to post for other jobs within, which hopefully will lead to a "living wage" and benefits. I'm excited for her!

Jonny called and said he is NOT coming home this weekend (even though his roomie offered a ride). But, he sent dirty clothes along with the roomie to be washed and returned. :) Figures...

Also, next weekend (Labor Day) he says he won't be home either. Too much to do on campus. :)

But we had big plans! :( Oh well, I suppose this is what it will be like now. I am so glad that he is focusing forward instead of back to high school. This is how it should be, and it's clear now he's turned the corner on clinging to his past. Wish his old man could...

Jenny may have to work that weekend, and so she is not coming home either. :( Hm. I didn't think this would bother me but it sort of does. I'll have to accept it as normal now, though. They have better things to do - forward looking things. Guess I have the whole weekend free now... I might be able to find something to do. :)

Now if I could just get a job. The trip to Des Moines (DSM) was good. Nice conversations with some very senior people, but no specific jobs at all - just conversations. I'm not sure who is going to be getting back to me there and when. I'll send thank you's on Monday, and return the expense account form to them, but I have no expectations that this is going to produce a job offer. I think I'll mentally move it to the back burner.

They hooked me up with a realtor at the end of the day. Who are they kidding? A realtor, when there's no specific job being discussed? Seems a little premature... Plus, the guy was unbelievable. Worse than a chatty cab driver with personal problems. Really off the dial. Being alone in the airport was preferable to him...

So, interviews in Chicago Tuesday and Wednesday. Maybe one more, sometime, with the company an hour West of here, and then I think that the lot. Nothing else on the horizon, and I'll have to pick from this bunch. Ha - listen to me... I'll have to pick... I got nuttin' to pick from, man! That interview suit had better start producing! :)

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Chicago

Next week Tuesday I am confirmed for an interview in Chicago (loop) , for an Atlanta job. And the next day more interviews in Schaumburg now confirmed. Tomorrow I'm in Des Moines (DSM). And they want to finish the day by having a real estate agent give me a tour of the city. I suppose that will take all of 10 minutes. :) I wonder why they do that? Maybe people have preconcieved notions about DSM that they want to change. Well, at least it's getting busier for me! Now I'm starting to miss staff meetings, church board meetings... but - I have to do this!

I'll have some extra time in Chicago and will stop in to see Jenny at her new place. Maybe take the EL down into the loop and leave the car out there. She has an interview tomorrow with the Art Institute for a full-time (but temporary) job. $7.50/hr, 35 hrs/wk. Beats Barnes & Noble, and it gets her in the door to apply for something more permanent and better paying! Yay!

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

They're Dropping Like Flies

Everybody but the customer service & sales people in this office are going to have to either move or leave. We've all been waiting to hear what our options are, and only 2 weeks ago nobody knew anything. All of a sudden, decisions have been made and people are announcing what they're doing and where they're going. Some are headed to other offices in other roles, a few are promotions but most are not. Some are staying here and "bumping" other people from their jobs who are less senior than they are.

Maybe half of the people's situations now are decided and they're starting to leave for other assignments. I'm starting to feel left out...

Of course that's silly, when I have a lot of activity going on like I do, many situations to explore, etc. But, that's the point, too, I guess. I'm still exploring, and they are - moving to new assignments. In the beginning I didn't think I'd make use of all the time they gave us until we'd have to leave, but now I'm thinking I might even be between jobs and living off the severance for a few weeks.

The interviews with the company in Schaumburg are delayed a week, at least. The company an hour West of here is also delaying to hear from their parent company in Switzerland about authorization for one of the jobs... I had hoped all the interviews would be behind me by Labor Day, but... nope. There's a good side to it, of course. More time to fix up things in the house before it gets listed (living room carpet, updating Jonny's bathroom, new blinds in his bedroom, etc.). And, more time with the people I've come to know and love here... even though they've already gotten used to the idea of saying goodbye, but nobody's leaving. :) Well, more time also to put off those last tears...

I still don't want to go.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

New England

Nice trip Sunday and yesterday. Flights were crowded but smooth, so I got lots of reading done. I'm caught up now. :)

The hotel was nice, but it was deja vu for real. When we'd lived there before, I worked in the same building as the hotel, and used the same parking ramp, etc. Kind of creepy...

I pretty much navigated the whole area from the airport to downtown to our old house, etc., without a map, just from memory. A couple of wrong turns, but hey - who's counting?

The rental car people wanted to put me in a Ford Taurus... yawn... So I held out for something cooler. But all they had was a PT Cruiser, so I guess the cooler thing didn't work out. ;)

The interviews had a ragged start (I was sent to the wrong building, and walked quite a ways in strong heat & humidity, so was drippy. ) :( But after that it got better.

Met with 4 senior people, each of whom had a spot they needed filled. Three of them were new positions, where you'd make it up as you went along - which I like a lot. The fourth was the least interesting and I can probably dismiss it right away. Two of the remaining three positions are pretty clearly going to be located in New England, but the other one could possibly be located in St. Paul! Hm. That would be preferable by far, and the guy I'd work for in that job seems the nicest of the bunch, the easiest to get along with. Plus, the job itself seems fun. I'm kind of excited about it! :) St. Paul would be closer to loved ones, too... and easier to visit close friends... mmm.

Anyway, it went favorably and I am expecting to hear back from them positively in a week or two. Now I have thank you notes to send! I haven't done that in a long time. :) So my recruiter is going to send me a form letter that I can customize - and she says it can now be done via email and be perfectly acceptable. Ah, the joys of the internet...

In the meantime, the company that I phone-screened with last week about a job in Atlanta, wants me to go to Chicago on the 30th to meet with their hiring manager, who will be in town - I guess I passed that first screening interview. Plus the company in Schaumburg is looking at the 29th - 31st to bring me in for an interview day with them. The recruiter is trying to get this all to happen on the same day - maybe a breakfast meeting on the Atlanta job, and then the rest of the day with the Schaumburg people.

Then, there's Des Moines on Friday, and plus, the company an hour west of here has now expressed interest in me for two jobs, and is suggesting that I come in for a discussion with them. Maybe early September for that...

This is actually starting to become fun! :) I feel like a star high school athlete being recruited by several out-of-state colleges at once, while being simultaneously ignored by his home state university...

My boss called today to check up on me. I'm now being excused from various and sundry staff meetings and teleconferences. Darn! :) Still no firm date for when my last day will be. Mid-October, late October, who knows? I've been telling other companies I can start by 11/1, but I may have to begin delaying that a few weeks. Maybe 12/1 - I think I may need the time anyway.

Oh, Jonny emailed from college - making new freinds, staying up late and dying his hair red. :) OK, boy - classes start today... pay attention!

Sunday, August 21, 2005

Empty Nester Syndrome

A dear friend asked me recently if I felt any older now that I'm an empty nester... :) I gave a cryptic answer, I think because I didn't know what to say, and have thought about it some since.

Took a day off from work Friday to get Jonny moved into his dorm room at college. It was horribly hot, and his room is on the third floor of what looks like a men's correctional facility :) and has no air conditioning. I soaked through one shirt & shorts and had packed another set to be presentable for dinner. Presentable! Ha. It's college... what was I thinking? ;)

The cafeteria food was passable and plentiful. What I noticed was the convenience of the small campus, as well as the lack of common space for studying and lounging. He's going to spend a lot of time in that hot room...

Fired off a postcard to him yesterday, just to be sure he gets mail. :) I'll do that for a few weeks, and then back off as he gets settled. I'll be interested to see what his communication style will be. Jenny's was great! Emails at work, and an extended phone call Sunday afternoons. I'm guessing that communication from the boy will be sporadic at best.

So, to the question of the day. Do I feel older? Not yet. I thought I was going to get hit with this wave of emotion after dropping him off, but I didn't. I think it's because I see this as an essential step in his growing up process, since he's had a lot handed to him while at home, and it will be important for him to do for himself for a while. I feel like I'm still actively parenting, but from a distance, which is fine.

So far, I like the quiet, and the lack of squabbling over the PC and the car and curfews, blah, blah. Let him figure that out himself now. It's time for it. Just like it's time for the empty nest. Besides, if the nest is empty, it's a whole lot easier to move it, right?

Well, in a few minutes I head to the airport to get on a plane for New England. All day interviews on Monday, and a few hours of empty time to prowl the city before my return flight. Housing costs... wonder how bad they'll be? I dug an old suit out of the closet from ... 6 years ago? Wow! It finally fits again. :) It was one of my favorites - dark olive double breasted with a faint blue stripe. Yellow shirt, with olive, yellow and burgundy tie... I'm sure it will produce an offer! :)

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Additional Interest

A couple of new companies contacted my recruiter today to express their interest in interviewing me. One is in Schaumburg, IL, and it would be for an officer-level position in my field. They apparently have a two-tier bonus program as well as a very competitive base salary. They want to skip the phone interview part and just have me come in for a day next week or the week of the 29th. Since they're late in the game, it's nice that they're moving a little faster than the others.

The other company is in Atlanta - same suburb as the job for which I'm still being considered internally. They want a phone interview shortly, and their hiring manager would be in Chicago on the 30th anyway and would like a face-face talk then if the phone interview goes well, which also would speed things up. Good, good!

Just got my flight details from the Des Moines company for Friday the 26th. Not too early a departure. :)

Also just heard from the State Farm agent about Jenny's short term health insurance policy - her application was denied because of ongoing treatment for her skin, which is nothing more than routine dermatology. She chose such a high deductible that there'd never be a claim made for it anyway. Stupid... Guess they would have taken her if she'd lied... grrr. :( Keep looking for work, girl - something with benefits!

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Developments

Another job within the organization opened up today, and I would be a candidate for it. But, it's a downtown Chicago loop location again. How can I consider that, if I just passed on the other loop job outside the company? Maybe I should give more consideration to this one since it preserves the retirement options, etal, but that commute just scares me. If only I didn't get motion sick, I could take the train. I wonder if there's an older but decent neighborhood near in, where the cost is not prohibitive like a downtown condo would be, and the commute would be mercifully short on my queasy stomach...

On the other side, a local non-profit turned me down today for a VP of finance job. I really didn't expect them to consider me anyway, but you keep trying.

Jonny's last day at his summer job was today. He works for a printer and comes home filthy. But he makes $100 a day, and for him - that's good. 3 days work and you've got an nice iPod! So, tomorrow - he starts packing for college. Yay!

Monday, August 15, 2005

Counting The Days

Four days left until Jonny heads for college and the house is quiet. Verrry quiet. I'll be relieved at the lack of all the little irritations and behaviors that we would butt heads over, but I also think I will miss them in a perverse way. :) For instance, we disagree on music at times (like screamo bands... ugh), but we've also been having a lot of fun lately comparing notes on music. He just introduced me to the music of a guy named Jason Mraz, who I really like. I think he sounds like white boy hip-hop on a couple of songs - you know, hip-hop pop. :) But, I've been recently taken to task over that interpretation...

Then, 6 days left until I fly to New England for an interview day, and 4 days after that fly to Des Moines for the same. I have a feeling that there will be a lot of information coming my way (and hopefully some offers) in the mid-September timeframe. All these opporunities and discussions seem to be on a pace to resolve around then. What I fear is one or more of them culminating quite a bit ahead of the others, and me having to stall for time to find out more about a competing offer. But there's no way to tell people that I need their offer by such and such a date to help me be able to look at all my cards at once...

I don't want to miss a chance on a decent job by holding out to see if a better one may come along in a few weeks. It would be like saying no to the opportunity to marry a really fine girl just because you haven't dated all that much and are not sure who else might be out there. On big decisions like this, for me anyway, the bird in the hand always wins.

Friday, August 12, 2005

Moving Out

Jenny is now in Chicago as of yesterday afternoon, renting a room from the daughter of some family friends. Just a couple of suitcases, her laptop and a few books & files, no furniture needed (so it's all still in her old room and in the basement.)

She got an orientation to the neighborhood, the passcode for the alarm system, extra opener for the garage, etc. Then she and Deb went to the nearest commercial strip to find stores where Jenny could apply for part-time work next week. There's a place in Oak Park where there's a Border's, Bed Bath & Beyond, Kohl's, etc., and it's not a complicated drive. Hopefully she'll find something that's days, so she doesn't have to drive around the tough neighborhood she lives in at night. That's my big concern...

Not too many separation tears, apparently - it's gotten better for her every time. I think she may be looking forward to exploring the city and doing her job searches out from under the parents' watchful eye and sometimes nagging concern. :) This may actually enliven her some, especially as she meets the circle of friends of the girl she's renting from. Tonight two guys are stopping by to help with a little landscaping work, one of whom has connections to the art institute where Jenny's applied for work already. The networking continues...

Speaking of networking, I got a call from my recruiter yesterday. She worked a couple of contacts for me that I had suggested to her, and turned up a possibility about an hour West of here. There's a company there, with a professional colleague I know fairly well, that happens to have an officer-level financial planning job open, and this person also knew of another senior position they haven't yet posted that he thought I would be well suited for. He'll be back in his office Monday and will talk to his boss about it. This might mean a move to a community about 30 minutes away, so the drive to work could be manageable, but it would still be possible to stay in contact with friends and loved ones here. Nice idea! But, we'll see how it works out in reality. Still waiting for a date to go to DesMoines for interviews - it's pushing later towards 9/1... I am so glad I have until October. I'm going to need it.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

So how do you feel about Cleveland?

Fortunately, nobody's asked me that yet, and I have nothing against Cleveland exactly - I mean, a nice new ballpark, and the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame... but - I don't want to move there. Now Des Moines on the other hand... yeah, baby! :)

Got a call today from an HR person about a job in Des Moines. Nothing specific as to what it would be, rather an exploratory interview to have me meet a bunch of people. Kind of like the New England visit will be on the 22nd. This Des Moines connection is a result of an old friend routing my resume' around his organization. It's nice to see that kind of networking result in something. Looks like the week of 8/15, or the following week, for the trip to DSM (so much easier than typing Des Moines).

Another call expressing interest came in today. :) This time for jobs in Chicago, but the O'Hare area - much friendlier. Exploratory only, but hopefully it will turn into an interview.

Talked with the recruiter today about the Chicago loop job. She will tell them that I'm only interested in continuing to discuss, if I can work out of my house and be in the Loop 2 days a week. They probably won't go for it, but that's OK - I won't go for it their way. Fussy, fussy...

I think I'm developing a little bit of backbone. There's enough activity out there that I'm not going to have to grab at just anything. It will need to suit me. My, that sounds confident, doesn't it? :) We'll see how firm that resolution is when the layoff date is closer...

Friday, August 05, 2005

Phone Interviews

Had one yesterday and two today... they are both exhausting and invigorating at the same time, if such a thing is possible. I think one of the reasons they are invigorating is that they force you to think a bit - on the fly - about what you want, and they also reveal to you whether you are really enthusiastic about the job prospect or if you are just trying to sound that way. Your heart knows the difference, even if you can keep it from the person on the other end of the line.

The Chicago loop job looks very difficult - high expectations with little support to achieve them. At first my big concern was the commute... now it's the job itself. My recruiter suggests we pull out next week if I still feel the same after Monday.

Monday I am interviewing in person for the Atlanta job. The other two phone interviews were with people who won't be there Monday. Both happened to be old friends and colleagues. Nice discussions about work and lots of talk about how the families are, etc. Mixed information on the nature of the job and the people with whom I'd work. There are still lots of things to clarify on Monday. Hopefully, soon after that, I'll have a much better feel for whether they are serious about my candidacy or not. I'm starting to warm up to the idea of Atlanta, even though it's warm... :)

Jenny is still getting leads and job postings coming her way - no lack of activity, just like me. Plus, no clear direction, either, just like me. The parallels are frightening. Just signed her up for catastrophic health insurance today, with a $2500 deductible and 50/50 co-pays for the next $10K, at about $50/mo. She needs a job with benefits... so will I. Except I have until October.

I think I'm getting better about changing jobs - and about moving. Still nothing I look forward to yet, but maybe not as much dread. :)

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Accel/Decel

Things seem to be speeding up in some areas and slowing down in others. The Atlanta job possibility has speeded up, with a day (9A-4P) of on-site interviewing in the company HQ (about 3 hours from here) on Monday the 8th. Will drive up the night before and come back the evening of the 8th. Two additional phone interviews on that job (with people who will be out on the 8th) are now set for later this week, Thursday and Friday.

The Chicago Loop job wants another phone interview with a person from their HQ in Texas before I come down for a face-face session. That call is also on Friday of this week, and then the in-person discussion in Chicago is set for the 18th, the day before we deliver Jonny to college, also in the Chicago area.

Finally, for the New England opportunity, it looks like the interview trip will be pushed off to the week of the 22nd. I think I'm going to benefit from the 90 days notice I got...

The recruiter emailed today with an update on another company in Chicago (burbs, thankfully) who she thought might be interested. The Sr VP there did express interest, but has been traveling, and the recruiter thinks I should hear from them next week.

One of the sales guys in the office suggested I talk to some local brokerage firms he knows to see if any of them may need a finance/customer service/admin executive to manage a portion of their business. He will give me some contact names and I'll talk to them shortly - never hurts to ask - especially if it's local. I have lots of reasons to want to stay local... :)

And this just in... a contact from my networking efforts just produced a phone call. An old friend at a company in Ohio sent my resume' to a co-worker who is someone I used to work with in the late 90's. He wants to talk to me about opportunities there. Probably tomorrow.

Well, actually - today. Called Ohio to set up a call for tomorrow and wound up having it today. Several people there "eager" to talk with me, including some from outside my professional discipline. They will now set up a day of interviews and fly me in. Wow - makes your head spin... but in a good way... :)

Monday, August 01, 2005

What's New?

Not much...

A couple of non-profit jobs surfaced over the weekend in the newspaper, one of which is in town - a VP of Finance & Administration. The other one is roughly the same thing, but located about 2 hours from here in a rural setting. I'll apply for both today.

Still trying to put together dates to interview in person on both the Atlanta job and the company in New England. Nothing definitive yet, but I'm guessing within the next 2 weeks.

Looks like Jenny is moving to Chicago after all to room with our family friend. The friend is expecting her to move in on 8/8, but I think it will be later in the week so Deb can drive down in a second car, since Jonny works M-W of that week and needs the car for work. But, one way or another, looks like both kids will be gone by 8/19, the day Jonny gets moved into his dorm.

So the week of 8/21 is looming large as a week of real change in our house. I hope I have the capacity by then to be a help and not a drain - I think I'll be needed for a shoulder to cry on. Maybe by then I'll have stopped crying myself. :)

Friday, July 29, 2005

Packing up

Boy, I really do not want to pack my office...

I have boxes from the last move (4+ years ago) that I haven't opened. I suppose they should be tossed straight out, but I keep thinking my office is going to get bigger someday ... :) Yeah, right.

Just emailed my boss on record retention. We went through a training class on that topic, to know what to keep and not to keep, but I'll be darned if I can remember a thing about it, except to not do what the boys at Enron did. So, do I box up pertinent files and ship them off to cold storage somewhere? Do we have a corporate deal with someone?

The technical books, the employment records and the desktop trinkets (memories of dubious achievements and of people I love) will come with me wherever the next job is, but the rest of this stuff... yuk. To the shredder or the dumpster with you!

What I really hope is that I can take my laptop with me. If I can't, I will have to dump off the bulk of the hard drive onto an external zip drive. There's just a few non-work-related items on it. Shhhh! Don't tell anyone - they might fire me. :)

Interviews

Talked with the HR person this morning about the job in the Chicago loop. She has an hour long commute into downtown from her home in Naperville, a western burb. If I use Amtrak from where I live, I could get to Union Station in the loop in 1:40, with a 20 minute drive prior to that to reach the station, and from Union Station to the office in another 15 (1/2 mile walk) ... The fare is $40 round trip, with a $5 parking fee, so roughly $225 a week and 4.5 hours a day to commute from here. Not real appealing...

But a downtown apartment or condo... now, that's living! too bad they're not afforable. :) A friend in this office is taking a job there next week and is spending $1600/mo on a one bedroom unit in a high rise with no lake view. Just a little pricey...

The HR lady said they are very extensive in their inteviewing process, using a selection method developed by Dr. Bell from North Carolina. She was warning me not to be put off by it, if we get that far. At this point, I'm more afraid of the commute and cost... The job itself has a fancy title and big responsibility, but... no staff. Which means you do all the work yourself. Yes, you have the responsbility to build a staff, and the budget to do so, but how do you find people who want to work in the loop? I don't. Still, I'll keep my hand in for a while longer and see how it goes (and how other interviews go). Maybe I'll take the train there if they want me to have a day of interviews. That might settle it. :)

Thursday, July 28, 2005

It was a dark and stormy night

Yesterday I decided to begin the novel I've always said I would write. I've had the title, outline and plot in my head for years, but never did anything with it. Now, I may actually have the time. :) So, I laid out the characters and basic structure, running it by those close to me. I'm not sure they'll like it, but... who's it for, anyway? Me! It's therapy.

Now I have to figure out how to do it. I'd like to blog it, but I also want a Word file. Hm... Maybe after I have the first couple of chapters done in Word, I'll see about putting it out on the 'net for feedback.

Ooh, a novelist! If only it paid well - instantly. :)

Off Again, On Again

Just heard today from my current company (or rather a subsidiary of theirs for which I used to work), that now they DO want to consider me for the position they have in Atlanta. They want to schedule a day for in-person interviews at their headquarters (about 3 hours from where we live) within the next two weeks. The hiring manager's secretary will call to set it up. Hm. And here I'd ruled this out completely, resigning myself to taking the severance... I guess no never really means no until it means no. Yeah.

Then, got a call from my recruiter today, and the company in New England wants me to come out for a day of interviews sometime before 8/15, so I gave several potential dates I could go. Hope I don't have to be in two places at once! But, then - it's nice to be wanted. :) At least for now...

Faxed another resume for Jenny off to Chicago today for her trip there tomorrow. She had business cards made at Kinko's. Stylish, but refined... Her title is simply "art historian." It describes her well. :)

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Do You Feel A Draft?

I told a friend the other day, there are so many doors opening and doors closing, that it feels breezy in here... :)

The recruiters are busy, putting my qualifications out in front of companies. Four potential jobs closed this week, three more opened... Had a phone interview on Tuesday that went well, with positive feedback afterwards to the recruiter. Have another one set for Friday morning. Things look promising in a New England community we used to live in, and also in the Chicago Loop, at least for now.

Other possibilities are sitting, percolating... One of the recruiters dropped off the radar screen after shooting all two of her bullets and hitting nothing. Just as well, I didn't know her, nor her me. Another recruiter from my past called - someone I don't care for. Kind of gave him the brush, after hearing that his opportunities were roughly the same list as my regular recruiter has. They're circling like vultures, hoping to snatch something useful from this still twitching casualty... ;)

A friend mentioned to me yesterday after reading a previous post of mine, that he didn't think it's all about money, or that deciding things based in large part on money necessarily means materialism or shallowness. Rather, money is about freedom and choices. An example is - if I won $5MM in a lottery yesterday, would I necessarily have more material possessions today? Not unless I chose to spend it that way. But what I would have is - more choices, and more freedom to choose what I do. I get that, I guess.

It's just that a job search where money is a big criterion is forcing me to narrow my choices (in terms of career options and communities) in order to maintain freedom for other choices (like lifestyle, charitable giving, legacy for children, retirement, etc.). It's not quite the same as winning the lottery, where you don't have to move to and work in a certain place to win. You just have to be lucky. Here, luck has little to do with it - you just want to make good choices. So - what are they, anyway?

Faxed a resume' and cover letter to a museum in Chicago today for Jenny. They have a position that might make some sense for her. She and Deb may also make a trip there this week to knock on doors and drop off resumes and look at neighborhoods. Hopefully she can get in to see some people. She's getting ready to move, but still mulling over where, exactly. Chicago works for me, especially since she can share a house with a family friend (in her mid-20s), for $100/mo plus expenses... beat that anywhere else! So the neighborhood's a little dicey... just be sure you work days, and park in the attached garage at night.

Had a great evening out with friends last night - at a concert with an oldies band. A little before my era, but still knew all the music. It was great to sing along and relax a little - could smile freely and laugh, and it felt really good. I need those kind of experiences, smiling, laughing, being with people I love. More, please!

Monday, July 25, 2005

Non-profit motive and pay cuts?

I've been growing increasingly frustrated in recent years with the lust for profit and growth that has become an insatiable urge in the corporate world these days. So, I've toyed with the idea of going into the non-profit sector (foundation, religious organization, schools, etc.) which I've mentioned in previous posts. As noted before, the pay scale is decidedly different, and although I'd enjoy the career change, could I afford it?

Just did a little modeling to see what we could realistically live on if I were offered a lower-paying non-profit job that would allow me to stay in town. Assuming we downsized into a smaller, older home that would allow us to cut our mortgage payments in half, and our charitable giving dropped proportionately with our income, and Deb went to work full time at her (currently seasonal) job, it looks like I could survive a 40% pay cut and still make it work out. That doesn't include college expenses, but it might bring the needed salary within range of the kind of job I could get here without using my professional credentialing, based only on experience and skills.

So the question is, what's it worth to stay here? Even if we moved, we would downsize anyway, given that we are empty nesting soon, but maybe not do a step down in quality like this would have to be. I didn't model change in lifestyle, either, but just expenses that would change to reflect a smaller house. I suppose there could be additional savings there, but enough to handle college payments? I doubt it. So there's an impact on J & J as well. Is it fair of me to cut support out from under them to soothe my injured feelings about working in the corporate world? Sounds pretty selfish to me. Or is that just an excuse to avoid sacrificing, scrimping, saving, making do on a lower salary? That sounds cowardly and self-indulgent.

I recall something from the Old Testament book of Jeremish that says "the human heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked - who can know it?" Boy, that's the truth. I don't even know my own heart or understand my own motives. How do I make a decision that affects others if I don't even know what I want?

Sunday, July 24, 2005

Is it all about money?

I hate to think so, but it's starting to seem that way. :(

Had an interesting conversation over dinner Friday night with a couple we enjoy and respect. They have 3 kids from 19 - 25, and what we discussed was the difference in our generations, in terms of how we categorize people demographically, and what it is that we value in others. When we got home we checked our conclusions with Jenny, and she agreed.

It seems that the generation coming up - the one we helped raise - are collectively seeing things differently than we do, and in a good way, mostly. For instance, on the subject of categorizing people, my generation tries hard - sometimes too hard - to be non-judgmental of those who are different that us. Yet we still label and categorize them.

Our parents labeled and categorized, too, but they also had very ingrained prejudices and stereotypes, against which we react very strongly. We try to back away from those, repudiate those, but still put people in the same (or even more complex) groupings that our parents did. We see in color, though we insist it should make no difference.

The next generation - whatever they are called, "Xers", "Gen Y", baby busters, millenials... I can't remember (I'm trying not to use labels anymore... ;) ) - don't see color nearly as much as baby boomers do. And that's real progress. I speculated Friday night that when the boomers are out, and the current 16-26 year olds are in power, that the desired results of the Civil Rights movement will be just the way things are in our culture, unremarkable normalcy. There will be no need for the NAACP then, my dinner companion speculated... and wouldn't that be cool? I hope so. I hope that next generation succeeds in replacing a "movement" with simply "conversation" around what then becomes a normal way of life between people of any race.

And that was another discussion - how the 20ish crowd values "conversation" and "being real" more than "movements" or "causes", which were our big drivers. How, to them, the highest compliment one can pay another is "he really cares about people", not "he's really successful/popular/well-regarded". And, more to the point of this post, how they also value work, money and material accumulation less than we do.

Now, that last may be because of the age difference. When someone who is now 22 becomes 42, and is married (maybe) with 2 school-age children (maybe), will she want "the nicer things in life" for her kids and herself? Will she want a lifestyle like that of her Mom? Or will she be content to be Bohemian, modern, and broke? (and you know who you are... ;) ) I think that baby boomers are definitely accumulators and materialistic - but I'm not sure about the generation coming up. They might be... when they get into their 40's.

So, what's my point? As I look at the various alternatives for employment that are buzzing around me like gnats, I find myself focusing on what they will do to my lifestyle. And it seems so ridiculously shallow that I am revolted by it. Yet - with kids at college age, and retirement in the distance (but looming larger every year), I have bills to pay and saving I need to do.

But, crap! I want to do something meaningful with the rest of my life, something that has a profound impact on the lives of others. I want to give something back to society around me - something more than helping shareholders increase the value of their holdings by helping my company beat Wall Street's earnings estimates this quarter. Arghh!

The problem is - meaningful doesn't pay well. It doesn't pay squat, really. I'd love to work in the non-profit sector, for a charitable foundation, for a religious organization, for an educational facility, teaching or adminstrating, but... I can't afford to! I could stay right here, in town, with people I know and love - and do work I love as well, and find emotionally rewarding, but I'd have to take a 50% cut in pay to do it!

Does everything come down to money? It seems to, but I don't want it to! I want to do what rewards the spirit, but I seem to be making decisions based on what rewards the pocketbook... What is it that the Apostle Paul says? "Oh, wretched man that I am!..." I feel pretty wretched about the whole business. I didn't realize I was so shallow. :(
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