(sigh)
I had to change the header of the blog today. I started this thing some 18 months ago or so, before the big 5-0. Now, I guess I can't say I'm "nearly-50" anymore. Awww...
"50ish" works though, I think. Then I won't have to change the header for a while. :)
And you know... if I could be 10 again, I wouldn't do it. It was not fun. 20 wasn't either (I'd just gotten fired.) And 30, 40 - no point in doing those over. I would never do child-rearing again (sorry, kids). Well, maybe if I got a government worker's pension out of the deal... nahhh! Not even that. Besides, they turned out pretty well the first time. :) If I did it over again, I might really mess them up.
These are good years to be alive and healthy. I like being this age. To me it's the best yet. I'm in decent shape, vigorous, have a trimmed back lifestyle, enough discretionary income to indulge myself now and then, enough accumulated wisdom to know when to hold back for the good of others, something to teach and share, brand new experiences all the time, and many many life goals checked off the list... these are the best years of my life. My twenties? Man, you can have 'em.
Two years ago, while preparing for a Sr. High Sunday School class, I made up this little proverb to sum up one's outlook on aging, and I think it holds true (at least everyone who's heard it says so):
You know you're grown up when you stop wanting to be older. You know you're old when you start wanting to be younger.
By that definition, I'm nowhere near old yet. I'm enjoying being this age. What is it, again? I forget... :)
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Monday, October 30, 2006
Grace vs. Karma
The pastor (younger of the two) yesterday preached on having a dream, and how to know if it's one God has inpsired in you, or if it's one you sort of made up to satisfy yourself. Interesting, and it opened me up to an idea... but more on that another time.
During the sermon he referred to a song by U2 (his favorite band) called Grace. He referenced the line that says Grace "travels outside of karma". The song has a duality to it, referring not only to a girl with the name Grace but also to the idea of grace. You can see it in the lyrics that follow.
His point was that most religions (incl. Judeo/Christian) have some form of karma built in - you reap what you sow, etc., but what makes the Jewish and Christian religions unique is the concept of grace. Most religions say that we'll ultimately get what we deserve. But no others say that we ever receive *more* than we deserve. In most, even Paradise must be earned.
Mercy and grace are two sides of the same coin. Mercy is NOT getting what we rightly have coming to us (condemnation due to wrongdoing), and grace is GETTING what we have no right to at all (intimate fellowship with a Holy God.) If anyone knows of a religion like that, other than Judaism/Christianity... what is it?
Grace
She takes the blame
She covers the shame
Removes the stain
It could be her name
Grace
It's a name for a girl
It's also a thought that changed the world
And when she walks on the street
You can hear the strings
Grace finds goodness in everything
Grace, she's got the walk
Not on a ramp or on chalk
She's got the time to talk
She travels outside of karma
She travels outside of karma
When she goes to work
You can hear her strings
Grace finds beauty in everything
Grace, she carries a world on her hips
No champagne flute for her lips
No twirls or skips between her fingertips
She carries a pearl in perfect condition
What once was hurt
What once was friction
What left a mark
No longer stings
Because grace makes beauty
Out of ugly things
Grace makes beauty out of ugly things
During the sermon he referred to a song by U2 (his favorite band) called Grace. He referenced the line that says Grace "travels outside of karma". The song has a duality to it, referring not only to a girl with the name Grace but also to the idea of grace. You can see it in the lyrics that follow.
His point was that most religions (incl. Judeo/Christian) have some form of karma built in - you reap what you sow, etc., but what makes the Jewish and Christian religions unique is the concept of grace. Most religions say that we'll ultimately get what we deserve. But no others say that we ever receive *more* than we deserve. In most, even Paradise must be earned.
Mercy and grace are two sides of the same coin. Mercy is NOT getting what we rightly have coming to us (condemnation due to wrongdoing), and grace is GETTING what we have no right to at all (intimate fellowship with a Holy God.) If anyone knows of a religion like that, other than Judaism/Christianity... what is it?
Grace
She takes the blame
She covers the shame
Removes the stain
It could be her name
Grace
It's a name for a girl
It's also a thought that changed the world
And when she walks on the street
You can hear the strings
Grace finds goodness in everything
Grace, she's got the walk
Not on a ramp or on chalk
She's got the time to talk
She travels outside of karma
She travels outside of karma
When she goes to work
You can hear her strings
Grace finds beauty in everything
Grace, she carries a world on her hips
No champagne flute for her lips
No twirls or skips between her fingertips
She carries a pearl in perfect condition
What once was hurt
What once was friction
What left a mark
No longer stings
Because grace makes beauty
Out of ugly things
Grace makes beauty out of ugly things
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Easing his grip
Met with Pebo today, and reviewed status on a number of things. He was pleased and very encouraging. I felt his grip loosening. Ahhhh...
And yet, I know if I let down for a second and he gets nervous, he'll start squeezing again. Maybe a dog wearing a shock collar is a good analogy. Get too close to the edge of the lawn (or in my case, too far astray from the work plan) and... zap!
(sigh)
My dog, Inferno, got used to it. Maybe I will too! :) He still gets into mischief in the house. I'll bet I still can. ;)
Ha. Right. Mischief at my age. That reminds me of a song lyric sung in the 40's by Julia Lee, a rhythm & blues singer. She sings to her aging lover man:
When you were young,
Your motor was fine.
Now your rear end's shot,
You're in low gear all the time!
You ain't got it no more.
You ain't got it no more.
Can't get yourself arrested!
You ain't got it no more.
Not me, though. Hey, baby, I still got it! Oh yeah!
Um, I think so anyway.
Hm.
And yet, I know if I let down for a second and he gets nervous, he'll start squeezing again. Maybe a dog wearing a shock collar is a good analogy. Get too close to the edge of the lawn (or in my case, too far astray from the work plan) and... zap!
(sigh)
My dog, Inferno, got used to it. Maybe I will too! :) He still gets into mischief in the house. I'll bet I still can. ;)
Ha. Right. Mischief at my age. That reminds me of a song lyric sung in the 40's by Julia Lee, a rhythm & blues singer. She sings to her aging lover man:
When you were young,
Your motor was fine.
Now your rear end's shot,
You're in low gear all the time!
You ain't got it no more.
You ain't got it no more.
Can't get yourself arrested!
You ain't got it no more.
Not me, though. Hey, baby, I still got it! Oh yeah!
Um, I think so anyway.
Hm.
Saturday, October 21, 2006
Feeling Squeezed
It was a tough week this week. Since I lost Alpaca for a dotted-line boss, and picked up Pebo in his place, the intensity level has ratcheted way up. Pebo has a hands-around-the-throat management style (or at least that's how it feels to me), and when he feels pressure from Mousewoman, his boss, the approach that he seems to resort to with his staff is... squeeze tighter.
Now, for a guy like me who's highest value/need in life has historically been autonomy (you know, setting my own course, making my own choices, not following a script, being the car on the highway with no one in front of him...) this is uncomfortable. I don't mind being responsible for my own choices, and I always have done so. I DO mind having my choices being prescribed for me by others, or influenced to such an extent (by others whom I care about, or for whom I have responsibility, or to whom I owe allegiance) that I feel I really have NO choice at all, and must do X, or else the result is too harmful to those around me, even though it's not really what I want for myself. I chafe at that, and always have.
But in the past, I've had more ability to tolerate it, bite back the irritation, compromise and give in, than I do now. With all that's happened over the last 18 months, recovering from medical issues, adjusting to medications, losing my chance at early retirement & grad school & career change, losing my job and having to uproot, starting over again, leaving loved ones of all sorts behind, losing my Dad and my brother, losing resources with financial setbacks from the relocation, etc., etc.... I have less capacity to handle stress and disappointment than I've had in the past. It's like having an immune system that's compromised, so that any little illness becomes a major deal.
So when my boss, and therefore the rules/expectations at work, change mid-stream, I find it more of a blow, harder to take than usual. And it spills over into how I handle everything else. Personal (interior) life, family life, work life - it's all interrelated and running together these days, I can't compartmentalize. My tendency when faced with this is to want to get some space, hit the open road, and let everybody figure things out on their own, me included. When I feel constrained by circumstances I can't control, my instinct is to jump the fence, and behave like the wild untamed stallion, not like the gelding broken to saddle and bridle which everyone prefers.
Scotland is calling me back. :)
Now, for a guy like me who's highest value/need in life has historically been autonomy (you know, setting my own course, making my own choices, not following a script, being the car on the highway with no one in front of him...) this is uncomfortable. I don't mind being responsible for my own choices, and I always have done so. I DO mind having my choices being prescribed for me by others, or influenced to such an extent (by others whom I care about, or for whom I have responsibility, or to whom I owe allegiance) that I feel I really have NO choice at all, and must do X, or else the result is too harmful to those around me, even though it's not really what I want for myself. I chafe at that, and always have.
But in the past, I've had more ability to tolerate it, bite back the irritation, compromise and give in, than I do now. With all that's happened over the last 18 months, recovering from medical issues, adjusting to medications, losing my chance at early retirement & grad school & career change, losing my job and having to uproot, starting over again, leaving loved ones of all sorts behind, losing my Dad and my brother, losing resources with financial setbacks from the relocation, etc., etc.... I have less capacity to handle stress and disappointment than I've had in the past. It's like having an immune system that's compromised, so that any little illness becomes a major deal.
So when my boss, and therefore the rules/expectations at work, change mid-stream, I find it more of a blow, harder to take than usual. And it spills over into how I handle everything else. Personal (interior) life, family life, work life - it's all interrelated and running together these days, I can't compartmentalize. My tendency when faced with this is to want to get some space, hit the open road, and let everybody figure things out on their own, me included. When I feel constrained by circumstances I can't control, my instinct is to jump the fence, and behave like the wild untamed stallion, not like the gelding broken to saddle and bridle which everyone prefers.
Scotland is calling me back. :)
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Reality
bites, or so I've heard it put.
Too bad vacations have to end. :)
Back to piled up emails, projects that haven't finished, concerned bosses, people needing direction, an overfull and rapidly changing calendar. And that's just at work.
(sigh)
From what I read, Heaven is not one long vacation, but it's just life (and work) in Paradise, without the work having to be by the sweat of your brow and without all the thorns and thistles that come up along with the vegetables...
I'm ready for that. Work that is not frustrating or counterproductive. What a great idea. Who came up with that, anyway? ;)
I could get angry at Adam for screwing it up for everybody... but - I am Adam.
Too bad vacations have to end. :)
Back to piled up emails, projects that haven't finished, concerned bosses, people needing direction, an overfull and rapidly changing calendar. And that's just at work.
(sigh)
From what I read, Heaven is not one long vacation, but it's just life (and work) in Paradise, without the work having to be by the sweat of your brow and without all the thorns and thistles that come up along with the vegetables...
I'm ready for that. Work that is not frustrating or counterproductive. What a great idea. Who came up with that, anyway? ;)
I could get angry at Adam for screwing it up for everybody... but - I am Adam.
Monday, October 09, 2006
Scotland!
is soooo different from Iceland. What contrasts!
Castles in lush countryside...
to kilts in an urban setting...
from the traditional...
to the historically innovative...
grace and charm blended, 
in a vibrant working-class city full of the friendliest people! They really mean it here when they say Cheers!
I could stay here a while. While waiting for my bus, I was tempted to miss it completely and not come back at all! :)
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Iceland!
How to describe it here?
It´s ethereal, bleak, stark, austere, rugged, active, varied.
The weather is 45 degrees, misty, breezy, overcast. Perfect! :)
Spent day one touring the city and going to the spa (see pictures).
For all the quaintness and picturesqueness of the city shown to tourists, there is also a "back of the house" that's less presentable. 
Day two was spent seeing the sights of nature during the day (see pictures), 
and the club scene at night (NO pictures!).
Day three (today) is spent catching up on email and blogging, organizing pictures, and shopping.
And oh yes, eating! So far... lamb soup, lamb hot dogs, skyr (a variation on yogurt), herring (ick), fish and chips, fish buffet, muesli, cold cuts for breakfast, and lots & lots of coffee.
It seems too soon to leave... but Glasgow awaits.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)