What You Thought You Need

Well I can't give you everything you want
But I could give you what you thought you need
A map to keep beneath your seat
You'll read to me in time I'll get you there
But fold it up so we don't find
Our way back soon nobody knows we're here

We can park the van and walk to town
Find the cheapest bottle of wine that we could find
And talk about the road behind
How getting lost is not a waste of time
Le Bois d' amour will take us home
In the moment we will sing as the forest sings

It's all for the sake of arriving with you

Well I will make the table into a bed
The candle is burning down it's time to rest
I can't take back things already gone
But I could give you promises for keeps
And I would only take them back
If they become your own and you give them to me

And it's all for the sake of arriving with you
Well it's all for the sake of arriving with you
We could make this into anything
We could make this into more than words we speak
This could make us into anything
It could make us grow and become what we'll be

How will we really know?
It's just like it feels



----- Jack Johnson

Music Reviews: Sloan, Aline De Lima, The Weepies, Jack Johnson, etc.

All winners this time. Not a clinker in the bunch. :)

Sloan - "Never Hear The End Of It": Wow, what a great group. Had never heard of them, but they are apparently quite prolific in their native Canada, and this CD is such a deal. 31 tracks, and good rock throughout. They have a retro brit-pop feel a lot of times and are really good with a catchy riff and melody, occasionally tossing in a rich harmony section. Favorite tracks: Who Taught You To Live Like That? and I Understand, but so many are good.

Aline De Lima - "Arrebol": I can't figure out whether this girl is singing in Portuguese, French or Spanish. Maybe she flips back and forth. But boy oh boy is she good! Jazzy, bossa nova style arrangements underlie most tracks, with a clear but breathy high alto vocal, so she sounds like a new version of Astrud Gilberto, but without Stan Getz' sax. Favorite tracks: Terra, Septembre, but I really love them all. Best in class CD. Great. :)

The Weepies - "Hideaway": My oh my. You may remember these guys from the JC Penney TV commercial at Christmastime where they sang All That I Want. This new CD is like that, an infectious, happy sound despite occasionally somber lyrics, boy-girl shared vocals, good melodies, mostly acoustic guitars. I can hardly turn it off, except maybe to listen to Aline De Lima. ;) So good. Favorites: Can't Go Back Now, Wish I Could Forget, Just Blue, All This Beauty, but they are all great tracks. Love this one.

Jack Johnson - "Sleep Through The Static": Another winner from Jack Johnson - he doesn't seem to put out a bad CD. Ever. He's in top form here with his usual strum and vocal style. No real iconic songs like Better Together, but just a great Saturday afternoon relaxing album. Favorites: What You Thought You Need, Adrift. And as usual, all good.

Melody Gardot - "Worrisome Heart": There are certainly more girl singers doing pop than doing jazz, but there are a few good ones in the jazz world, too. Here's a new one. None of the old standards here, all new modern material, but with a timeless jazz sensibility. And such a good voice. Really good dinner or chill music. And in the cover photo, she's so hip looking. :) Favorites: Worrisome Heart, Love Me Like A River Does, but all are solid. Nice debut.

The church as sacrament? (updated @ end)

"The sacrament of the Church is constituted by the symbolic expression, in tangible form, of the salvific presence of Jesus Christ. This symbolization takes place through a multitude of actions, such as confessions of faith, the reading of Scripture, the celebration of the sacraments, and caritative service in the name of Christ. Groups of Christians who do these things are visibly consecrated communities of believers; they are believers who by their conduct visibly show forth the continuing efficacy of Christ's saving work."

----- Avery Cardinal Dulles in Models of the Church



In TS503 we are moving ever so slowly from the study of the Holy Spirit (pneumatology) to that of the church (ecclesiology.) Where do we get our notions of the church - what it is, or should be?

Jesus spoke a lot more about the Kingdom of God than He did the church. We might like to think they are synonymous, but many of us also have suspicions that they are not. And other than in the Gospels, the New Testament speaks of the church from *within* it, rather than prophetically (seeing it from outside as revealed by God.)

So, what are we to make of the church? Was it instituted by Christ? Sure. Was its structure mandated by Christ? Principles, yes; structure, not really. That was more fashioned by the apostles and local leaders as they went along.

There are several models for the church suggested by the above quoted author, namely that of the church as:

institution,
mystic communion,
sacrament,
herald, or
servant.

I tend to think of the church most as the Body of Christ on this earth (which is under the mystical communion model), but with a definitive two-pronged mission to continue serving as His hands, feet, mouth, and so... do as Jesus did (see Luke 4:16-21 & 7:20-22): herald the good news and serve the needy (bring healing, freedom, comfort, hope.) Kind of a blend of three of the models.

As to the others, the church as institution I pretty much reject out of hand (and fortunately Vatican II is helping the Catholic Church move away from this concept), but this one of church as sacrament nags at me. I would hope that the church serves as a sacrament to the watching world - a tangible sign that the saving, healing presence of Jesus is still among us, bringing hope to a world in despair.

But as we move deeper into the political process, and preachers of all sorts, right and left, black and white, from the likes of Jeremiah Wright to the theological heirs of Jerry Falwell (God rest his soul), or even para-preachers like Sharpton and Dobson, air their views in public.. do "we", the church, still serve as a sacrament to those outside the church, pointing them toward the source of real hope? Or do we point to nothing but our broken, self-centered humanness?

Sometimes I think that the prominent politicians do a better job than the prominent preachers in building hope; but at the same time I have no real confidence that political hope of any sort can transcend the next election cycle.

Crawling around..

..Lowertown last night was really fun. All those old warehouses converted to funky artist co-op lofts. :) The spaces lent themselves to displaying the art. Take a look:






Of course there was some installation art here and there. At least I thought that's what it was. It could have been that the dog chewed up some artwork and left it on the floor, but I'm giving the artist the benefit of the doubt...

Anyway, there was performance art, too. Synthesizers and beat boxes in the elevator,


a diggery-do in the stairwells,


fire dancers in the street

(who explained what they were using.. wads of kevlar soaked in kerosene bolted to a tire chain. Hm.)

And not all the art was painting, either, of course. We had fashion accessories made from duct tape,


table lamps (my favorite),


found objects transformed,











but, yes, lots

and lots

of sketches,




paintings,



photography, digital images, too.








Every artist has a story


(some more interesting


than others..)


















And every artist



a different style









(some more different than others.. )




















Very cool. Even the 6th floor studios in the building where the elevator wasn't working. (signs in the stairwell: "art is good for you.. keep walking.") :)

Good thing they encouraged me with signs. My legs were a little tired from the 2 mile run earlier in the day (another personal best at that distance :) and indoors again.)

"The Reel Jesus" started off well at church today. We saw and talked about clips from 5 films: "Godspell" (think Jesus in Alice Cooper eyes, a tie-dyed shirt and a 'fro. Far out.), The Greatest Story Ever Told, Jesus Christ Superstar, The Gospel According to John, and The Last Temptation of Christ. Quite a mash-up.

Next week I'm hoping for popcorn and free refills on soda. (Excuse me.. pop. I forget where I live now.)

And this afternoon some errands. Gonna go score some concert tickets for Ingrid Michaelson, fill up a gas can for the mower and run the snowblower dry. God willing there will be no more snow this Spring. Dare I call it Spring? High only in the 40s today. Yikes!

Art Coffee? Art Church?

In advance of your perusal,
Be Warned: there are more links than usual.
Some folks enjoy the clicking through.
Your pardon, please, if that's not you.



Kind of an artsy weekend this weekend, in a matter of speaking.

Yesterday afternoon: coffee with a friend at a little independent coffee shop that has some interesting Ethiopian art on the walls to go with the Ethiopian "art" coffee they serve. (I think of anything that isn't part of a chain as sort of an "art house" for coffee.)

Then last night a drive to an art theatre across town to grab a bite to eat and see a new movie. I hesitate to call the Landmark Theatres "art house" theatres anymore, since there's so many of them around the country now, but.. that's where the independent films go, so.. I guess they still qualify.

On the way home a stop at a big box retailer (sorry.. :( it's just cheaper than the boutique kitchen shops in Edina) to buy some "art house" cooking gadgets. :)

A green marble mortar and pestle to grind my herbs (especially rosemary) and nuts, and a really great grater/zester I learned about in my cooking class Thursday night. Wow, is it slick! Dishwasher safe and a darn sight better than using a box grater, my paring knife, or improvising with an iron rasp filched from my workbench. ;)

So after a full today day studying, interrupted by a run and capped off by Mass, tonight then, it's the Art Crawl downtown. Fun! Not as crowded as our larger sister city's Art-A-Whirl west of the river, but.. that's what makes it better. :) Everything's within a few blocks, and besides.. I know where I'm going. The other city confuses me.

Then tomorrow, church begins a series on Jesus in film (how he is portrayed by the culture, how we engage with that), with film clips & commentary as the sermon. Sounds like an "art house" church to me. Fun! :)

And, oh.. ran at the indoor track yesterday for the first time in about two weeks, since it was cold and still raining outside. Boy, is there a difference! I can see why at track meets there is an indoor and an outdoor record. My feet felt so light (a phrase I never thought I would utter in my lifetime..) in comparison to running on the asphalt around the neighborhood, up and down grades and into the wind. The result.. a new personal best time at 1.5 miles. :)

Maybe I'll try for 2 miles and for speed today, since it's still cold. Cold enough, in fact, to wake up to this:




Weird. Isn't it almost May?

say it

.


god of silences
speaking through the stuff of life
i think i hear you


.

Say It To Me Now

I'm scratching at the surface now
And I'm trying hard to work it out
So much has gone misunderstood
This mystery only leads to doubt

And I didn't understand
When you reached out to take my hand
And if you have something to say
You'd better say it now

Cause this is what you've waited for
Your chance to even up the score
And as these shadows fall
On me now I will somehow

Cause I'm picking up the message, Lord
And I'm closer than I've ever been before
So if you have something to say
Say it to me now

Say it to me now



----- Glen Hansard, from the movie Once

The value of affirmation (or the lack thereof)

Hmpf.

Dr. Shrink-wrap said yesterday that I am operating with a bias.

Oh? I am?

Yes, he said. You have a tendency to under-value affirmation when you get it. And when you don't get it, you over-value the lack of it.

Oh? I do?

Yes, he said. When someone tells you something valuable about yourself, something worthwhile, something good or desirable... you tend to (not always, but often enough) file it away as 'oh, they *have* to say that' or 'they're just being polite', or 'they can't possibly mean it - they don't know the real me."

Really. I do this?

Yes, he said. You think you know better than they do. Is that how you want your genuine compliments to be received by people? Do you want them to just toss off *your* affirmation of them?

No. I don't. I want them to believe me.

You're durn tootin', he said. (no he didn't, not really.) If you want them to believe what *you* say, don't you think they feel the same, and not want their sincerity or judgment questioned? he said.

Yes, of course.

On the other hand, he said, when you are hoping for affirmation from someone and don't get it, or when you lose some regular source of affirmation, you over-value the absence of it. It's grand melodrama, an epic tragedy, a crushing blow, a hurt deliberately inflicted on you (by God or whomever.)

Really? I do this?

Yes, he said. You do. And just as often as not, the affirmation you sought was there all along, you just misinterpreted the silence (or the circumstances that took that source away) as a personal rejection, when it isn't that at all.

It's not? It feels like it.

Yes, he said. I know. Some of this bias is just a facet of your own personality type. Some of it, at least. A much bigger portion of it relates to events and relationships in your life which we've talked about. But can you recognize the truth of what I'm saying?

Yes. I sure can. You're absolutely right. I think I've known it all the time, but you put it so clearly, Doc. By the way, are you always this rude, callous and scathingly blunt?

(no, I didn't say that last part, really, just thought it.)

If you can be aware of this bias right in the moment when you are receiving or missing affirmation, you can defuse the old ways you used to react, and break the pattern.

I can?

Yes, he said. Will you try this? While I know you are trying to stop seeking out affirmation, and you are certainly doing well with that, will you now try to accept any affirmation that comes your way in the spirit with which you would want your own affirmation of others to be accepted by them?

Um... would you repeat that?

(no, I didn't really..)

Yes, I said.

Good. I believe you will.

And will you also, when you find yourself feeling let down or disappointed because of a lack of affirmation, try to see how it would be for others if they felt the same when you are silent toward them, or were apart from them and could not affirm them?

Can you see that you would not want them to be hurt by a lack of affirmation by you, when you simply didn't (or couldn't) express what was in your heart?

Yes, I said. I get it.

All right, then. Stop screwing up, bonehead.

(right again. he didn't really *say* bonehead.. he just thought it. I'm sure he did, the jerk.)



Okay, so I exaggerated a bit. :) A lot of these words and thoughts are mine, not his. But the general tone of the conversation was sort of like this. I actually was not quite as dense with him as I make myself out to be here.

I save the *real* denseness for when I'm actually in the middle of the screwing up part. ;)

The necessity of love

Last night in TS503, we were talking about the role of the Holy Spirit in creating and sustaining the universe as we know it, and the prof put up a slide that talked about creation and how it "derives from the creative resolve of God to create."

Well, duh. Okay.

But then he went on to say this, that "creation rests on ... the necessity of love to share itself."

Ah. Now we're getting at something.

This, I think, is right. God, in creating, was driven by love. God's essence (among other things) is love personified. And love must - must! - share itself. Otherwise.. it isn't love.

And this is true of us, too. Love without sharing itself isn't real love. It's just an idea, an intellectual concept. Real love shares itself with its object, to their mutual benefit.

How do you love in isolation?

How do you love secretly, without letting the other know?

How do you love from a distance, without interaction?

You don't.

Or, at least.. if you try, it's only conceptual - an idea or a feeling - that only benefits you, and does not reach and connect with and benefit those whom you love. Expressing that love actually connects it to, and benefits, the other party.

Oh, I suppose if you have a history with someone, and have joint memories of love shared together... but are separated for whatever reason... you *can* jointly remember that shared love and continue to love remotely, by agreement, trusting that the other still cares for you as they did when you were together, even without expressing it.

That really requires faith. Not that it can't work; it's just harder, when you long for a word, a touch, a familiar look... and it's not there.

But God sure didn't love that way. Genesis and the Gospels tell that story. God broke through the separation, the distance, the isolation... and loved us, not secretly, not silently, but in person. Incarnate.

Still does, too - Acts and the Epistles tell that story. The Spirit of Love, the Comforter, remains with us. We are not left relying solely on memories of love expressed in history. And during this time of separation from the One who loves us like no other.. we sure do need that comfort, the daily internal reminder of that love.

I do, anyway.

You Could Be Happy

You could be happy and I won't know
But you weren't happy the day I watched you go

You could be happy, I hope you are
You made me happier than I'd been by far

Somehow everything I own smells of you
And for the tiniest moment it's all not true

Do the things that you always wanted to
Without me there to hold you back, don't think, just do

More than anything I want to see you, girl,
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world



----- from "You Could Be Happy" by Snow Patrol

I need your grace

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own



I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough



If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life



All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all



----- from "Chasing Cars" by Snow Patrol

Say Amen

Why do we want this
Why do we crave it every day
Will we know who
Will we know what we have to say
Why do we feel this
Why do we need find the way
Will we know when, or even if we have to pay

Should we hold on tight, maybe
Start a fight or shall we give it up and try again
should we let it go,
maybe put on a show
or shall we fall to our knees and say Amen?

Say Amen
Cross your river
Drown me in your water, follow me
Say Amen
Answer my reflection
Before you let me be



----- from "Say Amen" performed by Skye

Music Reviews: Snow Patrol, Rinocerose, Skye, etc.

Seven hours behind the wheel (each way) gives you a chance to listen to quite a bit of music. :) There are 3 real gems in this batch of five CDs (the first three.)

Snow Patrol - "Eyes Open": Alright, so I'm emo. Unapologetically so. (they used to just call it being a romantic.) ;) So, I can't help but love this record. I wondered if there was anything to it beyond the smash hit "Chasing Cars", and.. is there ever! The lead singer's voice is great to listen to, and the songs are emotive but with some good power playing underneath. And with lyrics like this, how can you miss?

It's not as easy as willing it all to be right
Gotta be more than hoping it's right
I wanna hear you laugh like you really mean it
Collapse into me, tired with joy

Yeah. :) I'd be good with that.

It's a really appealing CD with several good tracks: Chasing Cars, Hands Open (quoted above), Shut Your Eyes, Make This Go On Forever, It's Beginning To Get To Me, You Could Be Happy, and more. I immediately went to the library to get my hands on the previous album, "Final Straw", which is not as strong, but does have some good cuts on it - Run, Chocolate, Grazed Knees, Somewhere a Clock is Ticking, others. :)

Rinôçérôse - (self titled): What are these guys trying to be? Electronic? Rock? Jazz? Funk? This CD (which is a compilation of their three prior ones) has all these styles and - wow. Done well, too. They are versatile. They even do a little screaming on "Cubicle", but it's not gratuitous screaming. ;) Not screaming for the sake of screaming, I mean. It actually fits the plot.. um, I mean the lyrics.

Speaking of lyrics, there's one song on this CD that could have been left off and eliminated the explicit tag. But even that one is a solid rock song. Just.. not very positive. :( Same for Get Ready Now. Not the most positive song, but a solid rock track, performed well.

Cubicle's a great track, as is Dead Flowers (a jazz-funk instrumental), Le Triangle (a 60's tambourine-shaking one), and Music Kills Me, which sounds like some veteran rocker with a mature late 60's voice who got his vocal looped and amped up. Excellent CD, with only the one aforementioned flaw.

Skye - "Mind How You Go": Formerly with Morcheeba, this singer's solo album is wonderful. Soothing ballads with often jazzy electronic synth-heavy arrangements underneath. Her voice reminds me a lot of Emiliana Torrini or Kate Havnevik. No real favorites on this CD, I like them all. :) She put out an EP of remixes of one song, "What's Wrong With Me?", most of which are pretty good, too. She is so nice to listen to, chill to. Great CD. Two thumbs up.

Stephen Malkmus - (self titled): Eh. I don't get the appeal. Odd lyrics, crazy guitar playing, dissonance, unappealing melodies, weak vocals. One pass through was enough for me. Oh, okay... Pink India is not a bad track. I'll give him that. :)

Sondre Lerche - "Faces Down": Better. Not a ton better, but better. Sometimes his guitars go berserk like Malkmus, but the vocals are easier to listen to, songs are more approachable. It doesn't rise to the level of, say, a Matt Pond PA or a Maritime or an Aqualung for male vocals, though. Not bad.. just.. not great.

Still, Modern Nature is a cute duet about low expectations. You Know So Well is a nice one about people who know each other well, but still talk past each other. :( Sleeping on Needles is pretty good, too, as is On and Off Again. If I could have made an EP of it with about half the songs.. it would have gotten two thumbs up instead of one.

Snow Patrol, Rinocerose and Skye sure made the return trip from KC easy, though. Good stuff. Examples posted soon in the lyrics department of this blog. :)

lift me

.


cast me not away
don't despise my brokenness
restore to me your joy


.




(Ps. 51, para.)

how great a debtor

oh, to grace how great a debtor
daily I'm constrained to be

let thy goodness like a fetter
bind my wand'ring heart to thee

prone to wander, Lord, I feel it
prone to leave the God I love

here's my heart, O take and seal it
seal it for thy courts above



----- from "Come Thou Fount" by Robert Robinson

Spring in KC

is a bit further along than here.


There is an absolute riot of flowering crab trees in KC right now,



and by the time I got home, one lone daffodil had poked its head up and opened a bit.

But he still looks kind of cold and sleepy, like his alarm went off way too early. :(




Even from the balcony off my 12th floor room, it was clearly spring.



And from my seat at the outdoor cafe' Wednesday night.. it was happily obvious. :)

Passover

The seder last night was a fine one. The master of the seder was a bit rusty and had to be reminded of a few things by she who lights the seder candles, and by he who traditionally reads the passage about the four sons, but other than that, it went well.

It was nice to get all the accoutrements out again, put on the tallit, dig up a dollar coin for the redemption of the Aphikomen, review the Haggadah and assign reading parts to the guests. It had been a while.

And a couple of very tumultuous years have gone by since the last time hosting a Seder. This year felt.. more settled? Like one could breathe a bit again, and get back to what had been a normal part of the rhythm of life.

The meal was simpler this year than most, due to the exorbitant price of leg of lamb. $70.00!!! No thanks. The frugal Mama went with lamb stew instead, and the exotic Papa got back from his business trip just in time to taste it for seasoning, and add the necessary marjoram and rosemary. Mmm.

On the way home from KC, a quick stop at the butcher was needed to bring home a lamb shank bone for the seder plate (oops! none was in the freezer, since there was no seder last year..), and it wound up coming off the grill just in time for the ritual explanation of the ritual foods.. praise be to The Eternal for cell phones and text messages!

Six college kids were there, equal parts boys and girls, so a good dynamic around the table. Plus, Matisyahu's hip-hop Haggadah on CD as background music was a great success! ("he's cool; how did *you* ever hear about Matisyahu?" oh.. i have my sources. ;) )

And afterwards an 8-handed game of Diminishing Returns with ample laughter. Even more laughter ensued when the subject of winter colds came up and the host played his favorite YouTube clips of people using the neti pot for nasal rinsing. :) Oh, and the mint/lime sorbet added a little zip to the end of the evening - the expressions on people's faces! Almost as good as the ones on the YouTube clips...

All in all, my favorite parts were the usual ones: the communal telling of the exodus from Egypt, where we go around the table and limp our way through the story:

"So, Joseph was sold into slavery in Egypt by his brothers. Then what happened?"

"Alright, so when after 400 years God heard their cries for deliverance, what did He finally do about it?"

"And when Moses saw a cruel Egyptian slave master abusing a Hebrew slave, what did he do?"

"Tended sheep in the desert, did he? What, all by himself? Who did he meet there? Are there any girls in the desert?"

"So how did Pharaoh respond to Moses' demands?" and so on.

It's cute to see everyone struggling to remember when they learned in Sunday School - or referring to the movie The Ten Commandments, instead of the Bible. Sometimes they need a little prompting by the host (which the teacher in him is happy to do.. ;) ) Funny.

The other highlight of the evening is the little song at the end when the hosts sing a parting blessing over the children (improvised from the sabbath prayer from Fiddler On The Roof.) It's something we added years ago; a lovely and tender moment, and always touches hearts. Including mine. :)

Shadow of a Doubt

it's true your love has been a lesson
and it's taught me more than any other blessing
you're the one that can wrestle me
c'mon hold me down now one, two, three
i get too weak to fight from all this laughing

and i am not even yours to run to
and you are not even mine to cry to
and we are not even here to speak of

you go your way, my love, you go your way
you go your way, my love, you go your way

it's true that i have got a head full
of voices saying the first thing that's in their heart
and i go to throw a ball with my best intention
and it gets caught up and carried away
in completely the opposite direction

and now you're not really mine to run to
why you're not even mine to cry to
and now you're not even here to speak of

you go your way, my love, you go your way
you go your way, my love, you go your way

and you are not even mine to run to
you were never were mine to cry to
and we are not really here to speak of

you go your way, my love
you go your way
you go your way, my love
you go your way
with not one shadow of a doubt
with not one shadow of a doubt
you go your way,
you go your way



----- Beth Orton

Deep Roots, Low Walls

It was an easy trip to KC yesterday, and a beautiful evening to sit outside, jacketless, at a sidewalk cafe'


in a funky part of town just a short walk away,




chill to some favorites on my iPod Shuffle, and read Avery Cardinal Dulles' Models of the Church.  :)  Idyllic.

 

Tonight... it's a huge downpour, with high winds and a lightning storm. :(  So I'm staying indoors and working on the Dulles paper.  I'm glad I had last night out - it was so nice.

 

Still on my mind is a comment the prof made Tuesday night.  We were talking about the way the church sometimes creates barriers to protect itself against assault by the culture, instead of feeling confident to "mix it up" with the culture, and actually be the "salt and light" that Jesus told His followers to be.

 

So he used this phrase: "Deep Roots, Low Walls."  The idea behind it is that the more confident you are of your beliefs, the less you should have to protect them from the beliefs of others.  :) 

 

The example he used is of a tree.  When it's a new sapling, you stake it and tie it, wrap the trunk, put up a fence around it, all to let it get started properly.  Sort of what you do with children.  You know, chain them to the furnace until they're 21.  ;)

 

But then, as the tree (or the child!) matures, you can remove the fence, let it grow right through the wrapping, and eventually... untie it and remove the stake.  Like I did last Fall with two trees in my backyard.  They were big enough and straight enough that they didn't need that support anymore.  I want to do the same with J2.. as soon as I can.  Maybe he's ready and I just can't see it yet.  :)

 

Back to the analogy.  The deeper the root system, the thicker the trunk, the tougher the bark...  the more the tree can stand against the elements, the critters gnawing on it, the lovers carving their initials in it.  :)  It can stand on its own.

 

I have felt like this lately.  On one hand I've felt like the storms of life have uprooted the old dead tree that I used to be - the one that was pest-infested, full of dry rot, and hollow inside.

 

It's as if that old tree dropped some seeds a few years ago, while in the process of dying, and one of them took root and began to grow. 

 

Now I feel like a new sapling growing in the shadows of an old downed tree, genetically related to it, feeding somewhat from it as it decomposes, but still - a whole new tree.  Not the same old one..

 

I'm growing, definitely, but I still need care, still need some protection from the elements.  After all, it's Spring, and there are early April storms that come blowing through unexpectedly.  :( 

 

I'm not ready to stand on my own just yet - for a little while I still need a stake to be tied to, an anchor, a bond to hold me fast. 

 

But every day, every week...

 

my roots are deepening.  :)  I can feel it.  I am getting stronger.  Soon the tie can be loosed, the stake pulled up. 

 

God willing, before tornado season comes in June, and then later when it gets so dry and parched in August from lack of rain... maybe until then the wind will stay calm for a while, and God will send me enough thorough, gently soaking rain and sunny warmth in May to help this particular sapling be ready for that looong hard summer ahead. :)

uncomprehending

.


the heavens are silent
why does it have to hurt like this
somehow you understand


.

belief

.


i don't comprehend
but i trust that the outcome
will outweigh the hurt


.

500 years of rejecting authority

Summary of class discussion (or maybe just the prof and me, but done in front of the class, anyway) last night in TS503:

for the first 1500 years of the church's history, what Jesus taught the apostles (the apostolic deposit of truth) has been codified and expounded and (dare I say) augmented by theologians from Augustine to Aquinas, developing into an authoritative "Church Tradition."

About 500 years ago, the Reformation came along and rejected the authority of Church Tradition by asserting the authority of Holy Scripture over it.

200 more years passed, and Rationalism had rejected the authority of Holy Scripture by asserting the authority of Human Reason of it.

Another 150 years, and Romanticism rejects the authority of Human Reason by asserting the authority of Subjective Experience over it.

Since World War I, the human atrocities of the 20th century have built to a point where Post-modernism has rejected the authority of Subjective Experience by asserting the authority of Randomness and Meaninglessness over it.

Randomness and Meaninglessness leads to despair (just read Ecclesiastes for a detailed explanation of how this works.)

What is next after despair besides the black void of non-existence?

Perhaps a return to tradition? Already the Gen Ys and Millennials are finding value and meaning in long-abandoned traditions, especially traditions that build community. Can finding purpose and authority in those be far behind?

Maybe this is a cyclical thing. Looking where this rejection of authority has led (and this, coming from a child of the 60s who learned to question authority with gusto), it almost *must* be cyclical.

Otherwise...

:(

mmm, very mint-y

So what do you do with a colander full of excess mint leaves?

Well, first - you puree. ;) It remarkably reduces the volume. Plus, releases the aroma & taste.

Then, for one option, you go to the store and get 3 cups of lime juice, make some sugar syrup, stir in some mint, and freeze - sorbet! :) Mmmm.. yummy.

For another, you add some mint to curry powder, oil, salt, sugar, and.. you have a marinade for chicken barbeque! (don't know about the yummy part yet, it's in the fridge waiting for me to use it.)

And finally, you blend the rest with red wine vinegar, more sugar syrup, garlic and salt, and.. presto! a sweet/sour mint sauce for lamb. (or maybe tuna steaks on the grill, we'll see.)

At least that's what *I* did with a colander full of mint leaves. One recipe for now.. two for later.

Music Reviews: Eels, Moby, Matt Pond PA, Girl in a Coma, Bonnie Prince Billy

Well. Some newer releases this time. :) And a couple of vintage ones that are just new to me. However, for most of the CDs, I list no favorites because... all the tracks are worth listening to and having.

Eels - "Useless Trinkets", "Blinking Lights and Other Revelations":
Woo! The BL&OR one is such a bargain! 6.99 for a double CD and a huge number of great Eels songs. The night of the concert, the group of us waiting by the tour bus were discussing favorite Eels songs, and so many were from this album. Way too many to list. It's absolutely a must-have. Period.

Useless Trinkets is.. far from useless. :) Also a double CD (but not priced so attractively), it still would be a treasure-trove for the serious Eels collector, and at least half of it are treasures for an only half-serious collector like me. ;)

Moby - "Last Night": He's at it again. I love this guy, and this latest CD is top shelf. It has a bit of a retro throwback feel to it, though not as much as, say, a Stereolab. But it hearkens back to the disco era while staying squarely in the modern electronic music genre. Terrific CD. I'd have liked it even better without the two songs with rap vocals, but then.. that's me. Need that melody. :)

Matt Pond PA - "Last Light": Picked this up at the concert, and it's a bit like his stage show.. rougher around the edges than his earlier work, but still really good. A lot of upbeat material, even though the lyrics don't always match the tempo and chording of the music. It's still very catchy and appealing. It's not mainstream pop like Maroon 5, don't get me wrong. But.. it's almost that good musically and the songs are mostly fun and accessible, if here and there a little melancholy.

It's almost as if he has all these bittersweet feelings to deal with, and copes with them by playing mostly happy music. Yeah. I kind of relate to that. ;) Great CD, and a fine one to pop in the CD player in your car for a road trip. If, for instance, you were driving, say, from Green Bay to Milwaukee someday and feeling sort of down.. if you played this CD, by the time you got there you might feel like you'd dealt with some of it and were a little better. Should such a situation ever arise.

Girl In A Coma - "Both Before I'm Gone": Eh. iTunes was hawking this one at 6.99 as an Editor's choice for a great band at a great price. I don't know. To me, 6.99 is about the right price. And faced with the choice of this for 6.99 and The Eels "Blinking Lights" for the same price.. there's no comparison. None. But all that said, it's not like it's bad music. It's interesting. It's just.. not my style. :) Pretty dark and gloomy, with a bit too much angst in the vocals, more dissonance than I care for, and a lack of coherent structure to many songs. But other than that... it's swell. :P

Bonnie "Prince" Billy - "Master and Everyone", "Ask Forgiveness":
Hey boys and girls! Can you say "Iron and Wine?" You can? Goooood. Because that's what this is. :) If you like Iron and Wine (which I really do - going to see them live in June), you will like Bonnie Prince Billy (which I also really do.) It's the same great acoustic guitar and earthy male vocal with occasional female help, except perhaps a bit less true to folk and with a little more lyrical variety. Very, very nice.

Push hard

Time to hit it hard before I leave for KC on Wednesday.

Checked the scale again this morning: down 15 lbs since coming back from Vegas. Three pounds from target, 8 from goal. This daily gallon+ of water thing is working. :)

Ran Sunday on the track, a good pace. Today, outside - it's 53 and sunny! Tomorrow a strength workout, a run outside again, and then.. I'm gone.

This way I won't have to pack running and lifting gear for KC. It'll be too warm down there, anyway, I'm sure. ;)

I do love the drive, even though it's soooo long. Lots of time to listen to music that's been piling up, lots of time to think, plan, pray.

And when I get back on Saturday.. it'll be Passover! L'Chaim! We'll have a houseful of college kids for the Seder, too. Fun!

The challenge this time while down in KC, though, will be to keep the same eating and water habits going despite the catered meeting food all day for two days. Plus, a summer intern I've been using as my personal slave for the last few weeks is coming to the meetings from Chicago, and I'll be trying to show him a nice time while we're there.

So.. moderation in all things! :) I'm still on pace for mid-May to be at my goal weight - no point in blowing a chunk of that progress on a few days of wild living and wanton dissipation.

(as in taking that third cookie from the snack table..)

I wish you love

Goodbye, no use leading with our chins
This is where our story ends
Parting lovers, parting friends

Goodbye, let our hearts call it a day
But before you walk away
I sincerely want to say

I wish you bluebirds in the spring
To give your heart a song to sing
And then a kiss, but more than this
I wish you love

And in July a lemonade
To cool you in some leafy glade
I wish you health, but more than wealth
I wish you love

My breaking heart and I agree
That you and I will never be
So with my best, my very best
I set you free

I wish you shelter from the storm
A cozy fire to keep you warm
But most of all when snowflakes fall
I wish you love

But most of all when snowflakes fall
I wish you love



----- as sung by Natalie Cole

Gyros

Back in the kitchen again Saturday. :) I do love this.

Since moving here, we haven't really found a good Greek place where we can get gyros to go, and sit outside enjoying someone else's meal prep. So I got it in my head that I ought to be able to make my own!

A month or so ago, after scouring my usual internet sources to see what was called for, I got a pound of ground lamb and a pound of ground pork and parked it in the freezer for when I would have time to do this.

I'm a bit ahead on my reading and got my first paper for TS503 done in good order, so... I had time! And got to use the food processor again to mix the meat and spices into a paste for baking in a loaf pan. Fun!

Interesting thing about this recipe; it calls for you to use a foil-wrapped brick to set on top of the finished loaf when done and still hot, to press the meat so that it will slice easily for the gyros instead of crumble. Weird, but.. it works!

Plus, it was fun to use some different spices besides basil and oregano. This time rosemary and marjoram (plus the usual onion, garlic, salt, pepper, etc.) which smelled wonderful, and tasted very authentic. Almost as good as Golden Gyros at 72nd & Lincoln in West Allis. :) Except without the frozen custard after.

The tzatziki sauce also turned out great! Plain yogurt, a little olive oil and red wine vinegar, some garlic, crushed mint leaves, and a cucumber. Easy, too. Except if I had been thinking, I would have done the fine chopping of the cucumber for the sauce in the food processor *before* I went and used it for the meat mixture. :( So I had to fine chop by hand. What a putzy job. I'll know better next time.

But I do absolutely love the little peeler gadget thingie I have. It fits over one finger and you just sort of run your palm over the vegetable in question, and.. zip! Done. Plus, it feels like you're being more friendly to the vegetable.

Instead of hacking away, attacking it with a peeler, you just stroke it gently and repeatedly with your hand, and it happily sheds its exterior for you. :) Aww. Seems more.. congenial and cooperative. Harmonious. Mutually fulfilling, even. Symbiosis with a cucumber.

So, yum! Another well-turned out dish, and a keeper of a recipe. Opaaa!

But now.. what to do with all this leftover mint? Hmmm... supercook.com to the rescue. Oooh, now *that* one sounds good..

sacrifice

.


sorrow at the pain
joy in knowing good will come
giving up yourself



mingled grief and joy
how did jesus bear the two
what's more how can I


.

The overshadowing

In all the Scriptures, when conception is discussed, it's always the woman who does the conceiving, not the man. Adam knew Eve his wife, Eve conceived. David comforted his wife, Bathsheba conceived.

The woman has the power to conceive. Yes, she needs the man's seed, but - she does the conceiving part. And when she conceives, she does not have the power to conceive a fish or a cat or... the Divine, either. She can conceive only her own kind.

Supplied with the needed seed, she has power to conceive a human being, nothing more, nothing less. (and I mean "she has the power" not assuming that all women do. I understand this because I understand infertility through personal experience. I mean generally.)

A human woman cannot conceive the Divine. She doesn't have that power. Only the Divine can conceive the Divine. Kind conceives kind.

So.. how was the Divine conceived in Mary? Mary didn't do it. Her strictly human nature didn't allow for it. She must have been empowered, enabled, gifted by the Holy Spirit to be able to conceive the Divine nature within her womb.

I submit that's what happened when the Holy Spirit came upon her. The Spirit gave her what she did not have - the ability to conceive something not of her kind. Then, when the Power of the Most High overshadowed her... she was ready.

So.. the Spirit acted the feminine part with Mary, enabling her to cooperate with the Father's will, and conceive within her the dual-natured Son of God - God in human form, fully God, fully human.

Begotten by The Father, conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of the Virgin Mary. Thus, God begat. God and only God. Both the implanting and the conceiving. God did both, showing within the unity of the Godhead the oneness of complementary gender attributes.

To me, this makes the most sense of both the physics, the metaphysics, and the text, and properly represents the fullness of gender attributes present in the Godhead.

What do you think?

Bruce Almighty

Watched this movie for the first time last night. I was skeptical when it first came out, but when a prof at Bethel recommended it, I decided.. why not?

I guess you have to like Jim Carrey, but even if you don't, it's worth watching for Steve Carrel's supporting role. Hilarious. :)

But my favorite scene, and the one that started the tears moving (yes, even in a movie like this one. Okay, I'm a sap) was when, toward the end (after seeing clearly his own self-centeredness), he had this conversation with God about the girl who was leaving him, and whom he wanted back with all his heart.

Bruce: What do you want me to do?

God: I want you to pray, son. Go ahead. Use the beads.

B: Lord, feed the hungry. And… bring peace to all of mankind. How’s that?

G: Great. If you want to be Miss America. Now, come on. What do you really care about?

B: Grace. (note: the girl involved)

G: You want her back?

B: (after long pause) No. I want her to be happy. No matter what that means. I want her to find someone to treat her with all the love that she deserved from me. I want her to meet someone who’ll see her always as I do now - through your eyes.

G: Now that’s a prayer.

B: Yeah?

G: Yeah.



Yeah. :)

coalescing

.


streams of thought combine
the weight of circumstances
blending them as one


.

letting go

.


tearing at my heart
why can't this be easier
so much to unwind


.

Which?

We all have imperfections. Are we remorseful, full of contrition?
God loves, and has mercy on those He loves.

Are we comfortable with an imperfection, regularly feeding it?
God also disciplines those whom He loves.



Me:

"Ow!"

"Heyyyy! That hurt!"

...

"Owww!"

"What are You DOing?!?!?"



Maybe God is trying to tell me something.

You think?

Her

Nobody's quite sure how it became
That something so good
Could become of this day
But she's like a dream
Where you've lost all your fear

And in this life you're lucky to have
Even one good friend
And it's her that i'll miss in the end

Love stories come
And then love stories go
But this is the one
That i'll always know
She is the one that makes me believe

And in this life you've got yourself
On which you can depend
But it's her that i'll miss in the end
Yeah it's her that i'll miss in the end

Love is a word that gets thrown 'round a lot
Sometimes it means something
Other times not
But she is the greatest love i'll ever know

And in this life you'll never know
What's waiting 'round the bend
But it's her that i'll miss in the end
Yeah it's her that i'll miss in the end

It's her that i'll miss in the end



----- The Eels

Meet the Eels

Um, yeah. Just try. See how far you get. :)

More on that later.



Mark Oliver Everett, known as E, and his stage partner The Chet, who are collectively The Eels (you may know them by My Beloved Monster from the Shrek movies), gave a concert Monday night at the Pantages theatre that was... an event, an experience. I can't think of a more descriptive term, because there's far too much disparate material to describe with one word.



Such a lovely theatre, with a nearly perfectly-tuned sound system. Sure wish it had been a fuller house. :(



But those who were there were supportive and happy. :) I had a seat in the fourth row of the balcony, but soon had my choice of any other.



The Chet is versatile as the dickens, playing everything from the saw to the glockenspiel, as well as organ, piano, drums, guitar, pedal steel. And he sings. He seemed like a better musician than E, who stuck to (only!) piano, guitar, drums and vocal.

I say a better musician not only because of the breadth of instruments he played, but the way he played them. On one number, he and E switched positions in the middle of a drum solo, and The Chet took over piano & vocal. You could hardly tell the difference on the piano, but when they switched back, you *could* tell the difference on the drums. The Chet rules.

Very, very organized show. The transitions between songs were the smoothest I've ever seen in a live show, with a roadie switching guitars for E after every number, and The Chet moving to a new instrument for the next song before E had even finished his last chord on the old one. Amazing.



And variety! They showed a great autobiographical video to open the show, and interspersed funny bits about reading fake fan mail and mocking reviews of their shows amongst the music. Three hours long, very entertaining and worth the ticket price - every dime. :)

But the real fun was afterwards on the street! Silly me, with the warm weekend I had switched out my winter jacket for my spring/fall one, and.. was out in 36 degree weather for the next hour and a half. :(

A few people went back by the tour bus, each thinking we might get a chance to say hi to E or The Chet before they headed out to Boulder, Seattle and Portland; just talk about the show a bit, you know. Some had CDs to get signed, etc.



So we're hanging out. And we're hanging out. And we're hanging out. Roadies come and go, and we start to get to know them, as well as each other. There was Julie the girl at the merchandise booth, Mark the sound man, Eddie the bodyguard (or whatever he did besides schlepping food to the bus - he just looked like a bodyguard.)

After a half-hour of swapping Eels stories and discussing favorite music, we spent the next half-hour starting to bond as a group - we told "life stories", about where we've lived, went to school, etc. After an hour of shivering, then people start to go a little deeper with one another, in pairs. What moves you about this song, or what memory do you have attached to this one?



One twenty-something guy, Steve - seemed like a kindred spirit. :) He told me about the Eels song he wants at his funeral (Last Stop: This Town) and why; about the crazy, silly, romantic things he does for girls he's loved.. whether they return his romancing or not. I liked him. I told him a few heartfelt stories in return. He's my new bud. ;)

So eventually, when the show had been over for 90 minutes, the tour bus and the lead SUV pulled out without anyone in our intrepid little band having talked to E or The Chet. :( The group began to say goodbye and drift off. Steve and I walked a bit, exploring the nearby clubs before we knocked off for the night, talking some more, hoping maybe that E was never on the tour bus. ;)



But, successful quest or not, the memory of the evening will linger for me, and Steve, and the whole group of us - for different reasons.

One of the things Steve said resonated with me. In talking about his funeral song, he said that to him things like what we were doing tonight - shivering in the cold for an hour and a half, bonding with perfect strangers thrown together by a common goal - were real memory-makers. They turn a concert you might otherwise forget into an evening you won't.

And, he said, life is like that. Memories are one way of "paying it forward" - to yourself, and to those you make them with. If you put some effort, some care, some love and kindness, into what you do today.. you are investing in tomorrow. Because you'll remember, and so will they.

Some memories are cumulative. Little things, experienced often, over time, build up; they grow into a body of memory. Like.. day to day experiences in grade school, or in the house where you grew up.. you may not remember lots of details but you remember a feeling, a sense of how it was.

That sense of the past, those feelings you associate with a place or with certain people, they are the result of an accumulation of little interactions and encounters. Were you loved? Was it happy there? Was it bright and cheerful? Was it gloomy? Was it full of conflict? Were you picked on?

And so, even in our littlest encounters with people.. shouldn't we season them with love, care, kindness? So that when we add to the accumulating memory they are building, we do it in a positive way?

Some experiences make big and vivid memories. You know which ones: that ambitious summer family vacation. The crazy impromptu road trip. The weekend in March you fought and cried. The weekend in April you reconciled. The first date, the last goodbye. The wedding, the funeral. All those things.

And when one of those things is coming up, you often already know that it will be impactful, a memory-maker. How do you want it to be? Some thought invested, some care, some love and kindness, some craziness maybe ;) a surprise.. can make it better, and make it last. You can invest in the memory now, and it will come back around to you again, as time rolls on.

Because then, an image, a song, a scent, a name, a place... will bring it all back. For you.. For them.. For good.

Suffering and love

Some quotes from Jung Young Lee in his The Trinity In Asian Perspective. I found them pretty profound. Maybe you will, too.

And after the quotes, some thoughts of mine. Granted, not as profound. But.. personal, at least.

"Suffering and love are inseparably connected and empathetically united together. Vicarious suffering is possible only in a loving relationship. In every form of loving relationship there must be the potentiality of suffering.

"Because love contains the potential for suffering, we risk suffering when we love. That is why people who are afraid of suffering cannot love. The potentiality for suffering increases in proportion to the intensity of a loving relationship. The more we love, the more we may expect to suffer.

"If God really loved the world so much that the Son was sent to suffer on the cross, God must have suffered much even before the Son was sent. In other words, there was a cross in the heart of God before there was a cross on the hill of Calvary.

"God's heart was wounded because of the world of sin and evil. The cross is the symbol of the wounded love that heals the wounds of the world. In the cross, both the wounded heart of God and the wound of humanity meet and heal each other.

"In the fellowship of suffering, true redemption takes place. In this fellowship, human suffering is overcome by divine suffering, and the divine wound is healed through human healing.

"The fellowship of human suffering and divine suffering is expressed by the idea of 'carrying the death of Christ.' (2 Cor. 4:8-10) The mark of the Christian is to bear the cross, that is to participate in the suffering of God.

"By our participation in God's suffering, we find meaning in suffering. We can endure suffering if we see meaning in it. Suffering that has meaning is bearable."



Yes. That is right. I can bear it if my suffering has a higher purpose, beyond just being "my lot in life", or worse.. my fault.

If I'm going to suffer, at least let it mean something. Let it be for some good reason, some worthy cause. At least let it be that as a result of my suffering, someone else will benefit. If someone will gain, if some good will come...

then -

I can bear it.

O Thou

O Thou, in Whose presence my soul takes delight
On Whom in affliction I call
My comfort by day, and my song in the night,
My hope, my salvation, my all.

Where dost thou, dear Shepherd, resort with thy sheep,
To feed them in pastures of love?
Say, why in the valley of death should I weep,
Or alone in this wilderness rove?

Oh why should I wander, an alien from Thee,
Or cry in the desert for bread?
Thy foes will rejoice when my sorrows they see,
And smile at the tears I have shed.

He looks, and ten thousands of angels rejoice,
And myriads wait for His word;
He speaks and eternity, filled with His voice,
Re-echoes the praise of the Lord.

Dear Shepherd, I hear and will follow Thy call,
I know the sweet sound of Thy voice.
Restore and defend me, for Thou art my all,
And in Thee I will ever rejoice.



----- as sung by Fernando Ortega

correlation?

This gallon+ of water every day regimen has helped me lose 13 pounds since coming back from Vegas. Five pounds more and I'm at the doctor's target weight again. Five more after that and I'm at mine. :)

Plus, today I ran an even faster mile and a quarter than on the "day of the demons" last week. Is there a correlation between these two things, I wonder?

Duh.

More than enough

We sang this on Sunday. And as we were singing it, I had to admit to God that it wasn't true for me.

Yet.

But I want it to be.



And all of You
Is more than enough for all of me
For every thirst and every need
You satisfy me with Your love
And all I have in You is more than enough

More than all I want
More than all I need
You are more than enough for me.




And they followed it with a musical version of Psalm 84, the 10th verse of which I've quoted to myself often. Yeah, as if I really lived like that. :(

But I have wanted to. And have tried to convince myself of the truth of it. And still try. Often.

Maybe someday, I'll get there. Maybe on the last day, but.. I hope it will be a lot sooner.



Psalm 84

For the director of music. According to gittith. Of the Sons of Korah.

1 How lovely is your dwelling place,
O LORD Almighty!
2 My soul yearns, even faints,
for the courts of the LORD;
my heart and my flesh cry out
for the living God.

3 Even the sparrow has found a home,
and the swallow a nest for herself,
where she may have her young—
a place near your altar,
O LORD Almighty, my King and my God.

4 Blessed are those who dwell in your house;
they are ever praising you.
Selah

5 Blessed are those whose strength is in you,
who have set their hearts on pilgrimage.

6 As they pass through the Valley of Baca,
they make it a place of springs;
the autumn rains also cover it with pools.

7 They go from strength to strength,
till each appears before God in Zion.

8 Hear my prayer, O LORD God Almighty;
listen to me, O God of Jacob.
Selah

9 Look upon our shield, O God;
look with favor on your anointed one.

10 Better is one day in your courts
than a thousand elsewhere;
I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God
than dwell in the tents of the wicked.

11 For the LORD God is a sun and shield;
the LORD bestows favor and honor;
no good thing does he withhold
from those whose walk is blameless.

12 O LORD Almighty,
blessed is the man who trusts in you.

Drowning

I stepped out my door
To clear out my mind
I walked to the shore
And the waters looked fine

I shook off my clothes
Waded into the blue
And the next thing I know
I'm drowning in you

I'm drowning in you
And there's no one around
I'm over my head
And I'm going down

In an ocean so deep
What am I gonna do?
Such a beautiful sleep
I'm drowning in you.

Rock me beneath
Under your waves
I can't get free
I don't wanna be saved

Swallow my soul
But whatever you do
Don't let me go
'Cause I'm drowning in you.

I'm drowning in you
And there's no one around
I am over my head
And I'm going down

In an ocean so deep
What am I gonna do?
Such a beautiful sleep
I'm drowning in you.

I made up my mind this could not be
I look in your eyes and I realize I'm lost at sea

I'm drowning in you
And there's no one around
I am over my head
And I'm going down

In an ocean so deep
What am I gonna do?
Such a beautiful sleep
I'm drowning in you.
I'm drowning in you.



----- Pat Donohue

The look of love

The look of love is in your eyes
A look your smile can't disguise
The look of love is saying so much more
Than just words could ever say
And what my heart has heard,
Well it takes my breath away

I can hardly wait to hold you,
Feel my arms around you
How long I have waited
Waited just to love you,
Now that I have found you

You've got the look of love,
It's on your face
A look that time can't erase
Be mine tonight,

Let this be just the start of so many nights like this
Let's take a lover's vow and then seal it with a kiss

I can hardly wait to hold you,
Feel my arms around you
How long I have waited
Waited just to love you,
Now that I have found you
Don't ever go
Don't ever go



---- as sung by Diana Krall

Cleaning up... with a scalpel

Saturday afternoon I went back to confession again, about 4 weeks after my very first one. I had, um... some things to clean up?

The first time was so ... humbling and overwhelming, I just couldn't get through all 50-odd years worth of stuff that there was to confess. So I just hit the high points. Well, that's not the right term, is it?

Low points? Chronic issues? Top of mind stuff? The worst of it? I don't know how to put it.

But yesterday I wanted to "clarify" a couple of things with God (via the Sacrament), in other words, be a bit more honest with myself (and Him) than I had been the first time, fill in more around the edges. Plus, there were whole areas I just flat out skipped.

So this time was to clean up what I hadn't gotten right the first time. Plus, of course, there was a new 4 week's worth of things to confess. I just didn't realize that the clean up was going be done with a scalpel, not a brush.

Fr. Fitz heard my confession (though he didn't know me - I was behind the screen, and with the frog on my throat from running earlier in the day I didn't sound like myself.) At the end of it I asked him for some counsel in one area. What I got was "there's a theme here to everything you've told me. And the pattern is that you ... ", and he told me what he saw.

Oh my. :(

In about 3 sentences, he cut right to the heart of it all.

He was right. As right as could be, and I had not seen it before. At least.. not like this, not tying everything together.

I am bleeding.

But.. he got at the cancer, the infection, the poison, the tumor - whatever it is. He got to it.

I wonder what Dr. Shrink-wrap will think about this one.

And I wonder if - in his cutting - Fr. Fitz got it all out?

Hope so.

I don't want a relapse.

Crean and crimson

That's the T-shirt they gave Tom Crean when he signed on to coach the cream and crimson of Indiana U this week.

I'm just now catching up on the story of how Marquette was dealt the blow on April Fool's Day. Just heard about it yesterday. I guess I've been thinking about other things this week. :(

It reads like a real-life love story, that took an unexpected turn - for both parties. Something neither one expected to happen.

It was not an easy decision for Crean. There were many, many, things to think through. And it was every bit an emotional decision, as well as a rational one.

Crean's decision apparently caught MU by complete surprise. It wasn't that long ago that they had renewed their committment to each other. MU thought everything was ... fine. Until Crean told them he had just committed to someone else.

Oh, he'd been pursued by others, often. Talked with others, too, some seriously. But - he always stayed. Until now.

But how could they really object? How could they hold him back?

It's a step up to something better. Better for him than they could ever hope to offer, given who they are. And they can't change that; can't become something they're not. And plus - he was following his heart.

It wasn't that he was tired of MU, not that he didn't love what he had there, the relationship he had. It's just that - this was where he needed to go. It's what his heart was calling him to. He'll be all that Indiana needs and wants right now. And he'll put his heart into it fully. Probably with no intention to ever move on again. He'll make his home with them. This one's for keeps.

How can MU say anything but.. you've given us so much! We're so much better because you were with us. We still love you and we'll miss you terribly. But you have our blessing. Go - and do your best for them. They're lucky to have you.

That's what I'd say, anyway. With tears.

I'm sure this was hard for Crean, too. He's not some self-absorbed guy who doesn't care. He does. And he's not unfeeling; he knew how this would hurt. He hurts, too. He's struggled with this, and will for a while. He still views Marquette fondly, and he will certainly miss them. But he'll be fine. He's moving forward to his future, and it will be a good one.

But MU is still reeling from the news. Everything there's been shaken, everything's being questioned. The effects of this are starting to ripple out and sink in. And they're wondering: "what do I...? How do I...?"

I wonder if they'll give him some kind of special send-off? You know, some chance for people to say goodbye properly. I'm sure it will be emotional for everyone, but.. it would be a good thing, after all those years together. It just seems like the right thing to do.

I'm sure they would have liked to hear about it some other way. Maybe they would have liked a chance to woo him, to convince him to stay.

But if they think about it - they know. :( It wouldn't have mattered. There wasn't something wrong with them. There wasn't anything they could improve. That wasn't the issue. It was just where he had to go. And it was for the right reason. He had to leave.

I get it.

You don't know what love is

You don't know what love is
‘Til you’ve learned the meaning of the blues
Until you’ve loved a love you've had to lose
You don't know what love is

You don't know how lips hurt
Until you've kissed and had to pay the cost
Until you've flipped your heart and you have lost
You don't know what love is

Do you know how lost I've been
At the thought of reminiscing
And how lips that taste of tears
Lose their taste for kissing

You don't know how hearts burn
For love that cannot live yet never dies
Until you've faced each dawn with sleepless eyes
You don't know what love is

You don't know how hearts burn
For love that cannot live yet never dies
Until you've faced each dawn with sleepless eyes
You don't know what love is

----- as sung by Billie Holiday

If the Holy Trinity were a band..

who would play what?

:)

No disrespect intended, Lord.

In TS503 we are reviewing all these past and present theologians' attempts to describe the role of the Holy Spirit. They use images like water, wind, gift, bond of love, power, binding force, fire, kiss, etc., and I thought - why not something more current?

And there are different views of who the Spirit is and what He/She/It does. (and the he/she/it issue - is an issue! That varies, too.) So, how might some of those views work out in a contemporary illustration?



Some faith traditions might see the members like this:

Jesus is the front man. The guy who relates to the audience, the one who speaks for the group, plays lead and does the vocals. His is the voice you most often hear. He's the guy you relate to. The one you picture in your head when you hear the song again on the radio.

The Father is the drummer. In the back, less visible and accessible, but setting the beat, driving the rhythm, keeping everyone together and on the same pace. Clicks off the start of each each song right, finishes things with a flourish and a bang. :)

The Spirit is.. everything else. :) He plays all the other instruments as needed (this is a trio, remember), on His synth: bass, keys, horns, samples, loops, all of it. Everything that lends color and life and richness to the sound.



Okay, a little weak? Sure. But you should hear what Bernard of Clairvaux suggested, or Catherine of Siena. Or Hegel! Hoo boy. Even Augustine was kind of over the top on some things (and who'd blame him, given his sordid past? The man had issues. And they spilled over into his theology.)

Hey, I have issues. So I can come up with wacky ideas, too. :)



Some other churches might see it more like this:

The "band" is really just a singer/songwriter. One guy, but multi-faceted, able to embody more than one role.

When he's in private, at home in his studio, he's the songwriter - with all the ideas, the depth, the insight, the poetry, the richness of thought and words. The songs reflect his thoughts. The songwriter is The Father.

When he's on stage, on public display, he's the singer - with all the personality, the humanness, the passion, the engagement, the approachability, the transparency. He brings the songs to life for us. The Singer is Jesus.

Yin and yang. Complementary roles. Interplay. Dual natures, one essence. The singer/songwriter.

The Holy Spirit? He isn't even on stage. You don't see him. He's up in the booth running lights and sound. He creates the effects that add such visual and aural impact to the music. He highlights the singer as he sings, accents the mood of the songs as they change, lets the audience "experience" the music more fully and personally. Not to mention he also books the gigs, recruits the roadies, helps decide the set list and effects, acts as agent, traveling companion (and best friend) for the singer/songwriter. He glues the whole show together.



Okay, half-baked? Dopey?

Maybe. But it's at least modern. And makes you think.

How is it that *you* picture the members of the Trinity working? How do you see them interacting?