Stepping into the new life

There were a couple of positive steps this weekend toward stepping into the routine of new life here. One was resolving where we will go to church. It was a pretty thorough search, and even though the answer is "the same place we went the last time we lived here", I can embrace that answer because it's still the best fit of anything we've seen. So, past history aside, I'm ok with that and will dive in, helping out wherever there's a need. And, plug into a neighborhood group of some sort, too, to make new friends. That's hard work, and slow, but... needs to be done!

The other positive step was a successful bit of entertaining Sunday afternoon. It was supposed to be a large outdoor cookout on the deck and in the yard, but turned out to be a small dinner inside, because of the rain. 9 people around the dining room table was just right! It got us familiar with our new space vis-a-vis entertaining, and kind of broke the ice. It felt good to do. Seemed a little funny that our first guests would be people who work for me (and spouses), but... I've been here longer, so I know them somewhat. Next, it's the neighbors! Maybe in October...

Might be turning a corner here. Hm. But also talked on the phone with people back home (home is still not "here" for me - it's ... somewhere else.) And that felt nice, too. It was a good weekend.

The Fringe

Where the heck did I hear this? I can't remember now. Somewhere... maybe it started with the reaction of the Democrat leadership to Joe Lieberman, and how they are distancing themselves from him because he's not anti-war enough.

Hm.

Well, anyway, what I heard was this: what unites the fringe elements in society is what they are AGAINST. I think the logic was being applied to one end of the political spectrum, I won't bother to say which, but after further thought I think it applies to fringes of all sorts. Maybe it's even how you can recognize fringe elements...

The political right is against abortion-on-demand, same-sex marriage and so forth. The far right fringe focuses on those things to excess, and the figureheads for their vitriol are Michael Moore, George Soros, Hillary Clinton. They focus on what they're against, not on what they're for. The political left is against the war in Iraq, against an American theocracy (the Bible defining public policy.) The far left fringe focuses on those things to excess, and the figureheads for their vitriol are President Bush, Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter. They focus on what they're against, not what they're for.

Who is FOR something? Especially something positive? The political moderates, mostly, who the far right and far left criticize roundly as not having CONVICTIONS. Moderates are those who are in the middle of the bell curve, not those on the fringes, in the "tails" of the curve. Most people are in that range, leaning left or right, yes, but not drastically. Yet, the public debate is dominated by the fringes.

I'm not at all advocating that we adopt the mantra of the timid "oh, can't we all just get along?", not that. I expect people to disagree, but I'd much rather disagree in a discussion of positive ideas as to how to deal with the ills of society instead of polarizing the country by digging in our heels and screaming, whether we are leftist or rightist in our leanings. Lean away, but persuade and convince reasonably, with a positive outcome in mind!

The Nazis were focused on who they were against: the Jews, the Gypsies, the religionists. The radical Islamists are focused on the Israelis, who they are against. The communists and athiests are focused on those with religious conviction. The skinheads and feminists are focused on who they are against, and the pro-lifers, pro-choicers, bible-thumpers, Libertarians, Greenpeace folks and the PETA people are, too. ANYBODY on the fringe of any movement is energized, galvanized, by their common opposition to something. Even what they are FOR is based in large part on what they're against! Really. Any positives are really negatives in disguise. Examples: Gay rights activists are virulently against Bible-thumpers. Watch a Gay Pride parade sometime and see what they mock. Traditional values proponents are virulently against homosexuals. Watch the signs they carry sometime and who "God hates." It's hard to see love motivating either group. Love doesn't motivate the fringe. Hatred does.

Who is FOR something? I'd like to be part of a political or religious movement that binds people together, that seeks common ground we can agree on, that strives for the positive. Is there such a thing?

Stones are being rolled away...

This is really meant to be a diary of MY job search and the aftermath of it, but to some extent my daughter's job search is all wrapped up in it, too. :) The parallels at some points were frankly pretty eerie. We frequently commiserated on how slow followup after job interviews was, the feeling being invalidated or rejected when you were "passed" on, etc... and I found that while I understood the process, and knew from experience how things work, it didn't mean that it hurt any less from my vantage point of age and experience. I just knew it was coming. :) For her it was a surprise.

But, yesterday there was that glorious feeling of being "validated" as a human being and a contributor to society when she got a job offer, and accepted! It's with the same company I work for, but in a field office about 45 minutes from her apartment. Full-time, permanent, benefits, and roughly twice her current earnings. Financial independence is around the corner!

I feel good on several levels, but one of them is that I was able to help her make some connections inside the company that she wouldn't have normally made. She used me as a networking resource! Good for her! And she really got herself the job, I didn't - no arm twisting, string pulling, nothing behind the scenes except a little email followup now and then to keep things moving. She made the sale herself.

Of course it's not a job directly in her field, but then... her current job wasn't either! This one, though, gives her the opportunity to transfer into a job later on that IS in her field, and pays her decent money while she learns the ropes.

And more good news today! The company changed its relocation program and was willing to roll me into the new one, which - drum roll - includes a house buyout! Woohoo! It will be a lowball offer, 95% of the average of two appraisals, but still - it's a safety net we didn't have before. We CAN cash out if we want to. It's like that credit card commercial where the Viking horde is rampaging down the street and is about to rape and pillage, when you whip out your credit card (with no fee) and stop them in their tracks before they can ruin you financially. Take that, Vikings! See my home buyout card? Hahahahaha. Pfui on you. :)

Plus, I think we're getting very close to a church affiliation decision, which is a big deal for creating a network of friends around here. One more week, and I think we're locked in on something there.

It almost seems like 3 big stones that have been blocking the path are getting rolled away, and the way is clearing to move forward. Maybe 30 days hence, we will have 1) house sold, 2) daughter independent, and 3) a support network building.

Wouldn't that be nice? :) ahhhh...

Routine?

I'm looking forward to getting back into a routine again. Seems like every week, every month, there's something unstable or temporary. Whether it's travel or unpacking or contractors or family visits or church hunting, it's still something that keeps us from settling into a routine.

Vacillating back and forth between routine and spontaneity is a pattern for me, and when I have too much of one, I crave the other. So tomorrow night I go to the airport, pick up Deb (I hate these pseudonyms, but...), and then have about two weeks of "normalcy" before I travel again. September & October are busy travel months.

Some travel over the Holidays is "normal", so that should be OK. Maybe then after Halloween there will be some sort of routine to build and set in place for a few months. Then the spontaneity will seem so much more fun!

Not the President, the poet, but it's me, O Lord...

standing in the need of prayer.

Amen to that.

Maya Angelou and I have never gotten along. I'm pretty sure she's blissfully ignorant of it, poor thing. I don't think I've ever told her how disappointed I was when she was named Poet Laureate of these here U-nited States. But, I can see why the name-r, our former President Mr. Clinton, would have liked her work, especially this piece.

But then again... I do too - this piece anyway. I'm becoming pretty sympathetic to those that stand with John Newton, former slave trader, crying out in their own unique verse the equivalent of "Amazing Grace! How sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me." From what I can read of Newton's biography, it sounds like he experienced the saving grace of God in 1748, and continued to work the slave trade for another 7 years before health issues drove him ashore and into the pulpit.

Then there's John Donne (1572-1631), profligate, sensualist (and preacher), who's "Hymne to God the Father" cuts to the heart of the sinner's despair before God, but his deep and abiding hope in grace.

So, maybe I should cut both Ms. Angelou and Mr. Clinton some slack. While I don't know her personal moral dilemmas and failings, she stands in the midst of a great tradition of poets & lyricists (of varying levels of skill and popular recognition) with a sense of their own need of mercy and, along with Mr. Clinton, stands in a great tradition of sinners publicly admitting their need for the saving grace of God.

Here's a poem of Angelou's I recently ran across. I get it.



When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin'."
I'm whispering "I was lost,
Now I'm found and forgiven."

When I say.. "I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say.. "I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
And need His strength to carry on.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
And need God to clean my mess.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
But, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
Who received God's good grace, somehow!

Flame On!

A while back my daughter sent me this quote on poetry.


"Poetry is the evidence of life. If your life is burning well, poetry
is just the ash."
-- Leonard Cohen


I liked it, and composed a short poem in reply:


The body goes to ashes
The outer shell to dust,
The inner life to poetry
As life incendiary must.


I thought about this again today while I was cooking steak on the grill (barbequed with curry sauce... mmmm.) I like the idea of a life incendiary. A life that is burning well, leaving the clean grey ash of poetry behind.

But I don't want my life to fizzle out like a candle sputtering or like a campfire slowly dying or a cigar cooling and going out. I don't want to burn out fitfully. I like the notion of my life being like the propane tank on my grill. It's finite, limited, but capable of either great heat or a low simmer, cooking fast or slow. And, most of the time, you have no idea when it's going to suddenly go empty. You're blissfully cooking along, you hear that characteristic "pop", and all of a sudden... its done. I like that.

The propane tank is productive and useful, doing what it was designed to do, right up until the end. Sure, what you're grilling right this minute may not be done when the fuel runs out, but think of all the good meals it made before! Maybe a few things got burnt, yeah, but... mmmm, remember all the good stuff! And the smells, the entertaining, the comraderie that surrounded those flames on the grill. Yeah.

So, that's what I want. Light me up, turn the dial, let's go! And when I go "pop" - so what? I did what I was supposed to do at the last - I was cookin', baby!

Can you feel the heat?

:)

Back to the Future

On my own this week and next, just me and the dog. I can't let lethargy grip me, though, even on a lazy Sunday morning like this one. To much to do. Up and out! Lawn chores and grocery shopping yesterday, and I rewarded myself with some nice roses, steak on the grill, fresh buttered green beans (and yes, I cooked them myself), some great dip - feta blended with cream cheese and Indian eggplant spread from Trader Joe's - plus a couple of movies "Little Miss Sunshine" and "World Trade Center." I was pretty worn out by the end of the second one. Got 10 hours of sleep though! Wow. It felt great. And the noodle-headed mutt slept in, too. Good boy...

So off to church it was, after my hearty breakfast of a peanut butter, bacon, and muenster cheese sandwich. Mmmm.... This time the church was the one we had gone to when we lived here 5 years ago. I still have scars from the experience, but those were my fault - overly high expectations, mixed with a heavy dose of presumption. I needed to learn a lesson, and did. Still, who wants to go back and visit the woodshed where you got your whuppin's as a boy, even if you know now that you benefitted from it? Talked to the pastor afterwards, and we're having lunch on Wednesday. I think I'll tell him about the "schooling" God gave me the last time I was part of his church. :)

So, I walk in the door with a little trepidation, and who is standing there but the one guy I was closest to as a friend from living there before. I sat with he and his wife. Worship was peaceful and contemplative. And when they sang "Jesus Loves Me, This I Know" slowly and acapella... there wasn't a dry eye in the place, mine especially. There are a lot of people who heard that song on mama's knee like I did, or in nursery at church. It still has an impact on grown-ups.

Hmmm. Then he used this quote in his sermon:

"If you have no faith in the future, then you have no power in the present. If you have no faith in a life beyond this life, then your present life is going to be powerless. But if you believe in the future and are assured of victory, then there should be a dance in your step and a smile on your face." - Max Lucado

I think two years ago I felt like this - without much hope for the future, and therefore pretty powerless. Things have changed since then. The future looks much brighter, and I don't feel powerless, but vital and strong. The future isn't as daunting, and I have more courage.

That reminds me of another quote. Don't know who first said it, but I like it: "Loving someone deeply gives you strength. Being loved deeply by someone gives you courage." And as St. Paul said: "Love never fails."

Distance Management

So here I am sitting at Dunn Bros. Coffee in downtown St. Paul last Thursday morning having a large dark roast (with Splenda and Half&Half) along with Julie, this not-yet-30 y.o. girl whom in May I tried unsuccessfully to recruit to come work for me. We agreed to keep in touch in case the other job she took didn't work out so well. It had been a couple of months, and I was in town, so it seemed like catching up over coffee was in order.

Well, one thing led to another and before I knew it she was asking why this company has such a hard time hiring people in the field offices to do jobs related to Home Office units. "I mean", she says, "don't they know that they can manage people long-distance?"

Um, yeah, I say, that's a hard concept for some people to understand. I go on to explain that I've both done it (managed long-distance) and have been managed that way. So I say "How hard is this to understand, really?" And I ask: "Suppose you were in a long-distance romance. What would you do to make it work across the miles?"

Immediately she had an answer. Apparently she and her now-husband had dated long distance while in college. She said, "oh, it's simple. You'd email, call, write, as often as you could. You'd try to make daily contact somehow, even if it's something little, as if you were really really busy, but still together. Then, you'd plan times each week to talk at more length. You'd carve out the time in your schedules to talk. It doesn't have to be structured while you're on the call, but you commit to a time and keep it if you at all can."

She went on to say "Then, you'd try to see each other every few weeks if you can. Even if it's just a day or a night every 6 weeks or so - you want some face time. Maybe you each have to drive a ways to meet, but you do it because you love each other! And then, just as important, 2 or 3 times a year you plan a trip together, time away, just the two of you, for several days. A long weekend, or a week's vacation. You sacrifice, you make the effort, just because! You are committed to making it work out, and you know you need that time together. You just do it, no matter what. Nothing gets in your way! It's important."

I ask her: "OK, but can this kind of thing be sustained over time?" "Sure!" she says. "People do it all the time. Think of the 2 income professional couples on both coasts, or the military families who are separated for weeks, months, years. They don't give up! They are committed to making it work."

A pause. Silence. She says: "It's like that, isn't it? Without the romance, yes, but it's the same concept. You want to make the situation be the best it can be, given the circumstances, and keep the relationship good, so you put forth the extra effort. You sacrifice in terms of time and travel to make it work, for the sake of both parties. But not everybody wants to sacrifice and put themselves out like that, do they? Not everyone sees preserving something good across the miles as worth the effort - they'd prefer either doing without altogether, or prefer the immediacy of having someone lesser, but close by, to grab when they have a need."

Yes, Julie. Very good. In distance management of any kind, you make it work, because you are committed to a successful relationship with the other person, and that person is valuable to you, even if they are miles away - 100, 500, 1000, 3000. It doesn't matter whether it's a romantic or a family or a work-related relationship. You make sacrifices and work at it; you don't mind the effort because of the reward that follows. You do what you need to do - so that it's successful. Why don't we get that?

Despite my natural introversion, which prefers to shy away from contact, I get it, too. Which is why I was in St. Paul last week visiting work colleagues, and why I'm here this week visiting relatives and friends, alone. I'm trying to make it work. There's relationships that I don't want to lose from neglect. Not to mention the fact that my family circle shrank a bit this last year. I have fewer loved ones left now. So I take vacation, spend some extra money on gas and hotels, and do what's necessary to have even a LITTLE bit of face time with those I love. It's important. I don't always connect with everyone every time, as much as I want, but I hope to do at least some.

Now, I just have to remember the 3 people on my staff who work out of Baltimore. I haven't been there yet. I think I need to schedule a trip... soon.

Fire drills on the road

What a crazy week. In St. Paul for meetings and training, with a full schedule, and then pandemonium breaks out back in Home Office. Critical systems aren't working, and money is missing!

SR. MGMT: "FIND THE PROBLEM!!!"

ME (and several others like me): "I'm on it, sir! Should I cancel my other meetings, sir?"

SR. MGMT: "WHAT?!?! Of course not. Do both! Do everything! Everything is top priority!"

ME, etal: "Certainly, sir! Everything! Immediately, sir!"

ME, etal: "You, Sr. Flunkie, FIND THE PROBLEM! I have important meetings to attend. Keep me informed of your progress."

Sr. Flunkie: "Sir, yes sir! Right away, sir!"

SR. F: "Junior Flunkie! Stop surfing the internet on company time and FIND THE PROBLEM!"

JR. F: "Sir! Oh, I mean, Ma'am, sir! One moment, Ma'am! [hastily puts up 'brb' and 'away' message on AIM] I assure you I was not surfing the 'net, Ma'am, merely communicating something business-related to a co-worker on a non-standard-but-tacitly-approved application widely used in our company for communications. If you please, Ma'am, I believe the problem is THIS, Ma'am!" [explains problem in indecipherable 20-something hipster techie lingo]

SR. F (not wanting to admit lack of hipness, turns the tables): "No, I think YOU are the problem, JR. F! You must tell me why you are NOT the problem!"

JR. F (seeing bluff is called, adopts non-generation-specific approach, namely passes the buck to someone else): "Sir! Or rather Ma'am, Sir! I am not the problem because this other Jr. Flunkie over here is the problem, sir, Ma'am!"

SR. F.: "Of course! That's sensible. Very good, Jr. Flunkie. Dismissed." [Jr. flunkie immediately IM's other flunkies about the newest management fire drill in progress]

Sr. F. to me: "Sir, I have found the problem and it is not me or my flunkies, but these other flunkies over here. They, though excessive use of communications software, are causing an unexpected drain on our critical applications' bandwidth space partition, sir. I'll ask for our partition to be increased, sir."

ME: "Very well. But why wasn't I informed of this before, Sr. F.?"

SR. F.: "Because sir, as you well know, there is never a problem until you say there is one, sir."

ME: "Ah yes, of course. Very good, Sr. Flunkie. You are dismissed."

ME and many others like me simultaneously to Sr. Mgmt.: "Sirs, we have found the problem, and it is a systems error, beyond all of our collective control. It may indeed be an undetected siphoning off of our essential bandwidth, sir, by excessive internal communications applications such as Instant Messaging, which has been rumored to cause cyber-farts in the ether, sir. The systems people should have discovered this during testing, sir, don't you think?"

SR. MGMT.: "Of course, they should have. But, they don't know the business like we do - they are merely programmers. So, in this instance, no heads have to roll. It's just the nature of the world, son. If you saw the BIG PICTURE, like we do in Sr. Mgmt., you wouldn't have gotten this all blown out of proportion the way you did. Really, you can't let routine glitches like cyber-farts cause you to lose focus. It's nothing more than electronic gas, and this too shall pass. :) Go back to your duties now, and let this be a lesson to you."

ME, etal.: "Thank you sir. I deeply appreciate the chance to learn at your feet." Retreats, bowing and scraping.

Ok, so maybe it wasn't exactly like that, but it WAS a bit of a fire drill, getting all kinds of people riled up over a systems problem that SHOULD have been caught in testing. Personally, I think heads SHOULD roll.

But we have way too many unfilled openings as it is. We can't afford for heads to roll. Like the personal ads lament: "Where have all the good men (or women) gone?" What they really mean, of course, is: "where are all the men/women who see past my obvious flaws to my inherent value and desireability, and give me the respect, yea verily, even the admiration I deserve?" Which is pretty much what we want when we go to hire people. I think our company needs more slavishly worshipful grunts to do our bidding. Where have they all gone?