One week left

... of employment. It's an odd mixture of relief, fear, loss and calm.

Since my business unit got sold off last Fall, the fit for me in the new role has not been the best. It's felt awkward, so there's some relief there that the square peg / round hole thing is almost over.

The fear part and loss part are probably obvious, right? :(

But the calm part is different - and good. Last time, I needed intervention on several fronts to deal with the fear and loss, just to be able to hang on. Now, not so much. I have a quiet confidence in God's providential grace toward me, and am able to rest in that pretty well. :)

It helps to have been through this a few times, and to have seen God's hand at work in getting me through it and out the other side. Plus, having an end in sight to the Master's degree program helps as well. One more job, a few more years, and...

I can kiss corporate america goodbye.

Maybe I'll skip the kiss part.

Poopsicles

My aging dog has developed several disorders. Or at least I think of them that way. One of them involves flatulence, which isn't pleasant! I'm lighting matches several times a day now. Nasty. He never used to do this as a young dog. I think he's getting old and dealing with digestive problems or sphincter control or some such malady. Watch, next he'll become incontinent. Can't wait for that to start.

It is sort of funny, though. He sleeps most of the day, and sometimes during a deep sleep he'll lift his head, dazed & startled, and sure enough in about 30 seconds I can smell why. He actually farts himself awake! Naturally I sleep right through such things (apparently.) But then, I'm not as old as he is, either. He's about 80 in dog-years. This dog is getting perilously close to the doggie equivalent of hospice. (don't ask - it involves injected chemicals.)

And then to top it off, with the onset of sub-zero temperatures he has developed a seasonal habit of eating frozen poop. Big piles of it. Naturally his breath smells like... you guessed it. He has always loved to raid wastebaskets and eat snotty kleenexes, which is gross enough. But poopsicles?

AAAH.. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?

Apparently this phenomenon is not unique to Devil Dog, either. There is actually an animal behaviorist (?) who wrote an online article about it. Maybe when it's frozen, the odors are not so off-putting, and the texture is more like a biscuit. Treats! Eww.

It's just gross. Don't be trying to lick me now, mutt-face. I know where your mouth has been.

At least he's not a paranoid schizophrenic, like this dog. Apparently everyone's after his bone - even his own hind foot.

If only my dog could develop some kind of endearing talent. Like.. singing along to Gwen Stefani. Or.. just convincing me he's not stupid.

Nooooo. He has to eat poopsicles.

transition

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current job winds down
let go without checking out
earn that last paycheck


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Lame Duck

I sort of know how an elected official feels when they have not been re-elected, but their term hasn't quite ended, and their replacement hasn't yet been sworn in. They still have stuff they need to attend to, but nobody cares much.

Two more weeks to go here until my last day, and this particular duck feels pretty lame.

Quack. :(

Let the Word teach

Today it was my turn to be the "Proclaimer of the Word" (i.e. the lector) at St. Rose's, and I drew two really looooong passages, Nehemiah 8, and I Cor 12 (almost the whole chapter of each.)

The old worship leader mentality comes out in me, and I'm a little worried about how much time these are going to take, and how long the congregation's attention span is for lengthy readings like these.

In the sacristy, I'm warming up and getting my dynamics and pauses down, and I notice that there is a "short version" of the I Corinthians passage available to read in the lectionary. Fr. Fitz was right there, so I ask him which he would prefer, and he says: "oh, just read the whole thing! Let the Word teach."

Yeah, man. I like it. That's a priestly attitude I can admire.

And then, halfway through his homily, he comes over and grabs the book from me and rereads a line from Nehemiah about the people listening ATTENTIVELY when Ezra read to them the words of the Law. He teases the congregation about giving him the same attention, then brings the book back and gives me a wink. :)

Funny guy, Fr. Fitz. I like him. He also sings at the top of his voice. All the time. On pitch or not. ;)

After Mass, the head usher pulls me aside and says... "very well done." Aww.. :) Thanks! Every time I get to serve as Lector and proclaim the Word, I feel privileged. It's an honor to be in the procession holding the Gospel high, and I want to read the Word in such a way that the faithful in the pews are engaged in it. They seemed to be today.

Thanks be to God.

Feeling a bit stressed

Well, yeah, maybe not quite THIS stressed. But stressed nonetheless.

No matter how many times I've been through the upheaval of a job change and related relocation, and know the process intimately (including the delays, the uncertainty, the rising and falling of hopes), familiarity doesn't quite take away the stress.

I'd like to think I'm all Zen about it now, but not quite. All right, yes, I'm doing better than this guy (the mash-up artist known as Girl Talk), but... not all that much!




By the way... Girl Talk reminds me way too much of Frank Silva, the guy who played the psycho-killer Bob on the 1990 TV series and subsequent movie Twin Peaks. Creepy show and creepy character. And it's the main reason I can't listen to Girl Talk's music. Really! The guy's face just creeps me out.

Brain Development, Learning and Librarians

Last week I heard a fascinating MPR radio program on brain development, which seems pretty true to human nature, including differences in male/female brains, and young/old brains. Apparently young brains reach a point at around 12-13 (the traditional "coming of age" in the Jewish community) where they stop adding new neural pathways and begin to prune them back. From then on, the brain concentrates on fewer circuits, making them more efficient. We make life choices, build expertise.

Peak efficiency in brains occurs in mid-life (late 40s), with some decline beginning after this. (But remember, the decline is from mid-life peak, so maybe by retirement one is back down to the efficiency levels of where you were in your 20s.) And depending on the stimuli, even older brains can still improve. This is supported by another recent study showing that older adults doing heavy internet searches had significant measurable growth in the portions of the brain responsible for cognitive processing.

Then this cartoon made me think of the impact on all of us, older and younger, of the Amazon Kindle (though which device I have sold a whole 12 copies of my e-book of poetry), and the burgeoning capacity and shrinking size of electronic storage media. With more and more print media moving to digital storage, what will the librarians of the future do, exactly?

I have a feeling that they will manage electronic databases of items that were originally in printed form, for one. Last night for a paper in NT501, I searched ATLA (hosted by EBSCO), which is a database of theological literature, including articles from scholarly peer-reviewed journals. Full-text versions of the articles were often available in .pdf form right on site, and others had links to full-text versions hosted elsewhere, so one wouldn't have to borrow the actual hard copy from a library. I would imagine in years to come, the print versions of journals will become outmoded altogether, as an analog generation dies off and a digital one takes its place. I wonder.. did librarians ever really think of themselves as database managers?

Maybe so, if that's what the card catalog was - a 3x5 paper database. I suppose that's what librarians have always been; it's only in the last 20-30 years that their database has been in electronic form.

One way or another... I plan to keep pace with them. ;)

If you gotta go...

... you may as well pick where, right?

Given that my current company thinks I should relocate to KC, and I ... don't think so ... it would behoove me to see if there are alternatives, yes?

With the help of my trusty recruiter friend, one interview (phone-screen AND in-person) is under my belt. Thanks, Martin Luther King, Jr., for a very handy day off! At this point, I'll keep the precise locations visited to myself, but for now, let's just say it's a picturesque smaller city in the upper Midwest.

Using a kitchen metaphor, it's nice to have one opportunity in the oven and cooking, while I look at others. Having been through this many times before, the "cook time" varies widely, and only rarely do you have multiple dishes ready to be served simultaneously. Also, it's rare that you have more food than you need at the end. Many of the recipes don't turn out at all, or are missing ingredients, etc.

In the meantime, the paycheck is still coming, though for how much longer... who knows?

Cancelled

Just when I was in dire need of a fun night out, this was the sight that greeted us at the venue when we pulled up. :(



Apparently the cancellation was last-minute, as the music critic in Friday's paper was raving about how cool the concert would be tonight, so the media didn't know about it, either. Oh well. Maybe it will still be cool on May 6. That is, if I'm still here. :/



While I was staring dumbly at the sign, a guy came up to me, looked at the sign and shrieked "I flew in all the way from Salt Lake City for this gig!" Woh. I shouldn't feel bad, I guess. We could adjust plans mid-stride, and thanks to cell phone internet, determine on the way out of Dinkytown which movie theatre had the best showing times for "The Book of Eli". Denzel filled in admirably for Low. ;)

So, just like in all of life, you adapt to the circumstances you're handed, right? Job cancelled unexpectedly? Adapt. Change course mid-stride. Use the tools at your disposal and act decisively. You may yet find something worth doing.

And while adapting, some parts of life go on as is. Like studying at Caribou today, for NT501: Gospels. That, at least, felt normal.

At least we had a party

... before we had to move again. :(

It was great to have the entire extended family under our roof at Christmas. And living here has certianly produced a goodly number of visitors in a short time. Not to mention making progress at school, and on debt retirement, etc.

Arghh. Just when it was getting comfortable.

The only upside to a move is ... it really IS cold here.

Warning, slippery working conditions ahead!

Driving to KC today for a couple of days of meetings, and normally I'd be concerned about winter driving conditions. It actually looks like it will be pretty good out there in that respect. I'm more worried about the conditions I'll find when I get to the office. :(

Corporate America has struck again. New boss, new rules.

And the new rules this time involve no more working remotely. They are pulling the plug on the teleworking arrangement, and want me to work out of the KC office starting in early Feb. Yikes! Not much time to even think about all the issues involved in a non-funded relocation, much less show up there and be effective!

Guess I'll be checking out furnished rooms on Craigslist, and seeing if my NT501 professor will work with me on this out-of-town thing (class starts Thursday night.) It's too late to drop the class, so... I'm stuck. In more ways than one. :(

More to come on this all-too-familiar predicament. Yuk.

ultimatum

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relocate or leave
when you're a human "resource"
no one needs to care


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Re: last post

my fear list? - a couple of them just happened.
my truth list? - all reinforced. both bad and good.
my hopes list? - just got less likely. again.

Um, God? This was supposed to be an exercise... not a call for proof! :(

Well, then.

So a couple of posts back I talked about this 3-question approach to preparing for the future - three questions to ask yourself: what you fear, what you know to be true, what's the best you can hope for.

Sunday afternoon I gave that a whirl. Woh. Difficult stuff.



The fear list is short, but significant and persistent.

The truth list is long, but split between positive & negative.

The hope-for list is long, but mostly near-term changes (< 5 yrs).
Not much hoped-for out there on the far horizon.

Hm.

I suppose if you don't have hopes that reach out beyond 5 years, it might be that you simply don't think that far ahead. Or... that when you do look that far ahead, there's very little out there that seems hope-ful. You know, "Here Be Dragons" and all that.

Also, it was interesting to see, for an introvert who values autonomy highly, just where relationships figured in all this. The answer:
heavily. In every list.

Hm.

Tedium creeps near

... on little sock feet, thinking I won't notice its approach.

Ha. I know what's coming. I know very well.

What with the excitement of a boatload (a houseful, rather) of relatives here for the holidays, the sweetness of real vacation, the luxurious idleness of going to movies and watching football & parades on TV, finishing my recreational reading (marvelous), tedium thinks it can sneak up on me, unnoticed. Oh, no, you don't!

After the time off comes the inevitable logging on to my work PC and checking of email. Ugh. Back to work this week. Back to school next. Back to deadlines and every spare minute spoken for. Tedium will be here any minute now, I know.

It's a long time until summer.

Facing the Future

Yesterday in the local paper, the film critic had a little comment that almost slipped past me. It was about some advice he got once on how to prepare for the future. I looked at it several times, and ... it's really good. Here it is, gentle reader:

1) Ask yourself what you fear.

2) Ask yourself what you know to be true.

3) Ask yourself what is the best you can possibly hope for.



Hm. Kinda scary. Kinda real.

This is not some pat formulaic advice. Instead it opens you to consider some things, and then ... leaves you to figure out the rest.

I'm going to add this to my monthly (okay, annual) self-examination checklist. :) And today is a good day to give it a test drive.

entering

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possibilities
opportunities abound
we can be hopeful


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