Missing...

No, I'm not missing, I'm right here. Here, where I don't belong. What I'm missing is everything else. I'm lonesome, but not for these people whom I'm here to see. I'm lonesome for other people. Other familiar places.

Another night in a hotel. I mean, it's a nice place.. but..

I just don't want to be here. :(

This whole place gives me the creeps. The office, I mean. Ick, ick, ick - it feels like I'm in a foreign country, and not like I'm here on vacation, either - a tourist enjoying the sights. It's like I'm here but I don't belong here.

Oh, it's not as dysfunctional here as an episode of "The Office" (a TV show I can't bear to watch - I've lived it for too long.) It's more like "Office Space" the movie. "But, but.. I was told.." Now that was a funny show.

And you know, it's not like I don't know people - I can pass them in the hallway and know their names - sometimes. I recognize faces. I can joke with co-workers. I get along with them. Not always with my boss; and my junior co-worker is still an enigma to me. But mostly, I can handle them.

I just.. don't want to. Barely here for a day, and I'm fidgety, eager to leave. I don't have a rational explanation, I mean, there's nothing wrong. I simply can't supress the shudder that comes when I cross from the parking lot to the building in the morning.

And there's a heavyness that settles on me when I'm walking the halls or roaming the cubicle warren in search of a meeting room, or sitting in my temporary workstation plugging in my network cord to my laptop.

At the end of the day, I can feel it start to lift a little, even though I'm heading to an empty room. At least I have something to study - brought my TS501 textbook. Last night: Process theology and Open Theism. Tonight: feminist theology and liberation theology. Yeah, like this will make me feel better.. ;)

My right hand hurts this morning. The joints, the wrist. I think I need my ergo mouse back home. :(

Hmm... hands. I feel a poem coming on - I stare at my hands, my palms, my wrists.. hmmm.. maybe tomorrow. Something's brewing in my head.

Speaking of something brewing.. more coffee!