Looking forward

to...what?

or maybe, rather, to...when?

I've been thinking about this lately. Especially as I contemplate how long it is going to take to finish grad school at this pace. If I take my current load of one night class per quarter (only 3 quarters a year, since summer classes are all daytime ones), that's 12 credits a year.. and it will be 2014 before I'm done! :(

That's just sooo long. I was hoping to make the career jump by 55, not 60! I would have to double up starting Spring quarter, and take 2 evening classes simultaneously (which would essentially mean no free time at all, for even routine social involvement of any kind.) Is it worth leading that kind of "monastic" life to get there faster?

I've talked with Dr. Shrink Wrap (and others) about needing to be able to look forward to each day, find joy in the present and hope for the future. Joy in the present is elusive right now, so hope is more realistic, maybe. But if all the hope is centered so far out.. what do I look forward to *today*? Dr. SW says: have some hobbies, make some friends. Okay.. but with what time?

Some days you just naturally look forward to because they have something really nice in them, like having an old friend come to town to visit, or the local college kids over for dinner, or a time you've pre-set to communicate with someone you love but won't see for a while, or celebrating a holiday or a birthday, or going to a concert, or seeing a good new movie coming out. But these things are not daily occurrences - they're very occasional and not regular. What is it that gets me out of bed *daily*.. except duty?

So okay, doc, let's talk hobbies. What can I do that doesn't demand time-I-don't-have to tend it? I'm going to try growing grapevines in Spring. How does that sound? That's an extension of my winemaking hobby (which I do like and will get back to over Christmas.. but even then, there is a flurry of activity for two weeks and then you wait for 6-12 months.) If you plant the vines in Spring 2008, you can't harvest them until Fall of 2012. Then you start to make the wine, which you can't drink until 2013 or later. Okay, so.. maybe I'll have wine made from my own grapes in time to celebrate my graduation! ;)

Fine. I hope they allow you to bring wine into the assisted living place I'll be in by then..

There's nothing wrong with long-term goals, you know? But.. I need something to look forward to before then, too! Something that doesn't require lots of time investment, since I'll be pouring much of my free time into studying.

Friendships? I don't have an extra night a week to be in a bowling league in winter, or an afternoon a week to golf in leagues that start while school's still on. Bible study small groups tend to take the summer off, so that doesn't help with friendships, either..

Heck, now that I'm working, I don't even have the time to cook cool stuff the way I did when I was unemployed this summer! I looked forward to that. Now when it's my turn, I just throw something together that's quick.. :( And with D quitting soon, it won't even be my turn anymore..

What, then?

Maybe it has to be travel? There's a low "regular" time commitment to it (except for the actual vacation itself, which can be worked around school.) I can maybe use work trips as a jumping off point (like when I go to the corporate HQ in Switzerland, or a seminar somewhere), could do a longer trip a couple of times a year.. and do it now, while I can still afford it.. hmmm.

And in between trips, maybe a few more concerts a year? Good acts do seem to come here..

I do look forward to Mass Saturday afternoon. :) Does that count?

Dr. SW today said these were all good ideas, understood about the time commitment, and suggested some little thing every day, too.. something small but enjoyable. Something that uses the creative part of me. how about writing? he said. keep a journal? :) Gee doc, there's an idea; maybe I could write a little. ;) it might be good therapy, he said. Hmmm.. I wonder if writing a blog might help? yes, that might work well.. Aww, do you suppose I should tell him? :P

So, maybe I can patch together enough short-term hopeful things to fill in the days and weeks, while I work on the long-term hope part. Daily joy may follow later..

Hey, I'm trying, you know?