empty

.


poetry has stalled
verses seem so far away
nothing left to write


.


Met with Dr. Shrink-wrap Friday. He's pleased with progress, thinks I'm doing well - given what little I've had to work with. :) He says that each day that I stick to my convictions is a day that I get more confident that I can make them work. I should take comfort in that - even if it doesn't feel that great to do the right thing. Even if it hurts.

We also talked about things that I enjoyed when life was happier, easier. Have they lost their intrinsic value all of a sudden? Could I pick them up again - not as a substitute, but as a small enhancement to the difficulty of life? They won't make up for... whatever... but they were good once, yes? Not that long ago? Won't they be at least some small good again?

I've enjoyed singing, design, cooking, poetry, music, winemaking, tennis (notice running didn't make the list - ick.) and writing, of course. So can't I enjoy them again? Even a little? Wouldn't it be worth a try? Not as a replacement for anything.. but.. as worthwhile in their own right?

And in the meantime, take a little credit for each day that I live what I believe. See it as a small victory, a building up of strength - like a muscle workout. It's a strain, and you ache from it, but.. you become stronger for the pain that you endure.

Maybe so, Doc. Maybe so.

So you may see poetry from time to time here. Not love poems, don't worry (unless very cleverly disguised indeed!) I don't want to subject anyone to mush. ;)

Other thoughts, though, probably mostly wrestling with light and dark, up and down, right and wrong, now and later. The tension between the two is what seems to trigger verse. And there's a fair bit of that tension to go around these days.



Let me end with this song from Sunday, loosely taken from Job. It's something I need to remember in the toughest stretches as well as the pleasant ones:



Blessed be Your name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name

And blessed be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be your name

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's "all as it should be"
Blessed be You name

And blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name
I will bless Your name

Every blessing You pour out I'll
Turn back to praise
And when the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name