Three-legged stools

Ever sat on one? They're used in analogies a lot, but I'll be darned if I can remember using one in practice. All the stools I remember have been four-legged, even Grandpa's milking stool out in the barn...

So with reluctance do I use it yet again in an analogy. But reluctance has never stopped me before. I just push right on with my ideas. ;)

As I was waking up a couple of days ago, I found myself thinking about male/female relationships.

Don't ask. :)

Anyway, I thought about how male/female relationships can suffer, or be less than they could be, because they are missing some key element necessary for fulness. And while mulling that over, my mind went (as it so often does) to the spiritual analog to communion between lovers: our relationship with God.

The Mass has three key elements that typify our relationship with God, which we can also take out into our daily lives and continue practicing, if we choose to nurture that relationship. They are:

Worship/Eucharist/Scripture (reading/hearing/meditation/prayer)

A lasting relationship between a man and woman has some key elements as well, which benefit from regular reinforcement. I see them as:

sexual intimacy/selfless love/companionship

Take out the other-centered love from a relationship and you have "friends with benefits", which is by nature void of committment, transient. The relationship is one of practicality and convenience, without depth and permanence.

Take out companionship, and you have either distance or secrecy. You're in love and have a good sex life when together, but you're not together often enough. It's either a long-distance or a non-public relationship. Either way, you cherish whatever time together you can arrange, and when you are together, you stick to yourselves.

Take out sexual intimacy and you have committment without passion, permanence without fulfillment, joyless romance, form without life. It's a recipe for frustration, atrophy or betrayal.

I looked for parallels between the three legs of the God/human relationship, and the three legs of "communion" between a man and woman. I'm not sure they all work. :) But I do sort of see the reading/hearing/meditation/prayer part as companionship. Two-way communication like that is central to effective companionship.

Then, sexuality has a lot of the same elements as what happens in vibrant worship - you find satisfaction by exulting in the wonders of your beloved. The delight soon becomes mutual. And finally, the Eucharist recalls and celebrates selfless giving that is done for love for the other. That's a pretty good parallel to a committment to loving your partner for life.

And just as removing one of the aspects of your interaction with God causes your faith to weaken, so too in a love relationship between a man and woman does having only two legs of the three weaken it. The relationship becomes unstable, hard to keep steady, and you can lose faith in each other.

At that point, what do you do? You somehow try to put the missing leg on the stool (or find someone who can help you with that repair)...

or you toss it out.



Yes, it's work, but who wouldn't prefer the former?

Tossing a stool is one thing. Tossing away a relationship, a person...