Here we go..

..the first week of telework.

Hm.

I don't know why I'm so nervous about this, but.. I am.

Will I meet expectations? Will I learn fast enough? Will I work hard enough? Will I work too much? Will I manage to handle studying, too? Will relationships suffer?

It was nice to have J2 up, have fun with college kids over for dinner, meet my Bethel professors at orientation, hear a good band, go to Mass and church, run this morning (in cooler weather), then work with D both outside and inside today to get things in order in yard and office, and finally chill to pizza and beer and Ken Burns' new PBS special. It was a good weekend of non-work activities in between last week's orientation and this week's practical application of it.

Should I worry about my performance? No, of course not. :) Worry accomplishes nothing. I just wish I was more confident that I can do this well. It's rare that I've had a job where I feel this tentative about my success at it. I know I have the knowledge..

But.. I'm very unsure of myself nonetheless. :( I still feel like my world is unstable, and there's another shock around the corner, another loss, just waiting to catch me feeling a little better, and then.. knock the legs out from under me again.

How do I keep from anticipating failure and loss, when it's been so routine for me in recent years, months, weeks? Maybe I'll ask Dr. Shrink-wrap this week, and see what he says. He was right last time..