Love's signal strength

What do we really mean when we talk about how strong our love for someone is? How do you assess the strength of love? In a growing relationship, when is it safe to commit? And in a struggling relationship, what exactly is "still good enough to keep", or when is it "past the point of no return"?

Actually, I have developed a measurement scale for it. :) Really!

It's sort of like the Cingular 5-bar scale of cell phone signal strength (you know, "more bars in more places"). There's a bar for each of five different areas of intimate adult love relationships. The idea is, you look at the "signal strength" of your relationship in each of the 5 areas (a full bar here, half a bar there, no signal on this one at all, etc.) , then add them up.

The bars:

Friendship - do we like being together, hanging out? Is (s)he fun? Do we talk? Do we have common interests? Can we be together on vacation and not get tired of each other? Do we look forward to simply spending time together without a plan?

Romance - do we express love for each other, in ways that warm the heart? Does that person's face light up the room for me when (s)he walks in? Does (s)he make my head spin and heart race? Do I ache for him/her when away? Can I tell him/her so?

Sexuality - must I elaborate? You get this part. Woof.

Care & Concern - do I care about that person's well being, what (s)he is going through? would I willingly suffer for his/her sake? do I want his/her best good, even if it "costs" me? do I love him/her like family, willing to "be there" whenever needed?

Spirituality - do we share a common faith? Do we have the same values? Does (s)he embrace the same causes? Do we see church involvement the same way? How deep and important are any differences? Can we support each other in them?

You assess your "signal strength" in each of these, in some easy metric like 0, 1/4 strength, 1/2, 3/4, on up to a full bar, and then total them up across the categories. 5 bars is perfect, full signal strength in all areas, love is coming through loud and clear. Anything less than that, and you can start to diagnose weaker spots, and make decisions on some objective basis about a very subjective topic.

For instance, if you are sitting at only 2 bars out of 5 in total... this relationship probably won't work much longer. If you're at 3.5 out of 5, or better.. it's a keeper, enjoy it! If it's in between... what can we do to move it up? Or, is the trend inexorably down, down, down?

So, how's your signal strength with your spouse/lover/partner/steady date/significant other (whichever term applies)? How many bars today? Check again in 3 months. Assessing this scale four times a year (assuming you're still together!) should give you a feel for the trend in each category, what remedial actions to take, and the overall strength of the relationship, even for its potential "max" and "min" strength level (sort of a realistic ceiling or floor to its potential).

Maybe this idea will catch on, and girls will be sitting at a street cafe on Friday night, asking each other: "so, Emily, how's your signal strength with Josh? Getting closer to 3 yet? What might get it there?", or guys will be hitting balls at the driving range and one will say "Man, I am all the way up to like, 4 bars with Krista! It's really good with us. I'm thinking it's time to pop the question." Deodorant and toothpaste commercials will suggest that the number of bars you have with your sweetie will go up if you use their product. :) Internet scams will emerge selling you on-line books to boost your signal strength before it dips below the dreaded 2.

See? It could work.

Hm. This may be my next book! Take this thing mainstream! Then some company will buy the rights from me, and then I can retire and write whatever pops into my head. Yeah, man. Copyright me, 2009. All rights reserved. :)

But then again, maybe I should keep it proprietary, just between us. After all, it is kinda... personal. ;)