Dr. Feelgood

Oooh, baby!

I'm in love with a chiropractor, and we only just met yesterday. :) Yes I know, it's kind of sudden, but... so was the relief he provided. Woh.

This has happened to me before, this love-at-first-adjustment thing. But it's been awhile since I've needed treatment, and my goodness, things have changed a little since I was in that rear-ender some years ago. Gadgets haven't exactly replaced manual manipulation of the spine - that's still central to the profession - but they have enhanced the diagnostic process.

I suppose I should mention why I sought treatment. For the last two weeks or so, I've had a shooting pain running from lower back around the left hip and down the leg a bit, mostly when I stand or walk but sometimes even waking me from sleep. At the Twins/Brewers game the other night, I could hardly climb the steps to the seats, and it was tough just standing on the shuttle train to the stadium for the 10 minutes it takes to get to Hiawatha & Lake St. 

(Oh, game pictures at the bottom.. I had forgotten. :) It's the last season there, too - no more games in the Humpty-Dumpty Dome!)

What with training for the 12K last week, I didn't want to mess with my hip prior to that, or before my last follow-up appointment with the knee surgeon either, but now that those are past and the pain is still here, and a two-week driving vacation is looming... it was time.

So after the obligatory paperwork, and HIPAA notices and introductory video explaining the wonders of chiropractic, he takes his first hands-on look, pressing here and there. 

"does this hurt?" 

no... 

no... 

YOWW! YES! STOP IT! 

"oh, sorry, not intending to inflict pain, just diagnosing."

Right, doc, and I'm just giving you feedback.  Loudly.

Then he hooks me up to a scanner that detects skin temperature and finds spots that might be inflamed. After that, there are these caliper thingies that detect electrical impulses, which he places on every other pair of vertebrae, to see what might be irritated. He looks it over and says 

"see here, where you are all lit up like a Christmas tree?" 

um, yeah... 

"Sacral vertebrae. Your pelvis, buddy. We'll fix that right up."

Oh yeah? With what?

Electrical stimulation, that's what!

Yup, just like in "Young Frankenstein", but without Marty Feldman, the big coils and sparking tubes. His lovely assistant (not quite like Teri Garr, but close) puts me face down, sticks these electrodes on my posterior, and lays heavy gel pads on top of them (which were warmed in the microwave, apparently... felt like hot towels.  oooh.) so as to keep the electrodes in place. 

Then she cranks this dial and says 

"we don't want to shock you, now, but this may feel a littl..." 

AAAAAAAAAA, what are you doing!?!?! 

My butt is on fire! 

"oh, you'll get used to it in a little bit." 

Oh, sure, get used to it. At least until I smell smoke from charring flesh, I will. She should have emitted a high-pitched cackle.  It would have fit the gruesome scene.

But it did get better.   In fact, it actually got kind of ... hm!  :)

Well, anyway, in 10 minutes she's back, off come the pads and probes, although my glutes kept quivering for a minute or so afterwards. Then Nurse Shockey leaves and Dr. Feelgood takes over, flips me over on my back, crosses left leg over right and lays his whole body weight on my twisting pelvis, and POPOPOPOPOPOPOP! my whole lower spine cracked like your knuckles would if you popped them all in rapid succession. Wow, what a noise. These are bigger joints than your knuckles, and when they go, man, they're loud.

And sure enough, within 15 minutes, major relief.  :)

Back today for more of the same from my new man-crush, Doctor Feelgood, Chiropractor Deluxe. Oh yeah, and wire me up, nurse, apply the sacred fire...

Homer dome pics: