Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Social Networks and Relationships

The evangelical church we go to has been having a series of discussions for adults during the hour prior to the worship service, when the kids are in classes. This Sunday and next it will be our turn to lead the discussion on the next assigned topics in the series.

The series is mostly on "what does faith look like during difficult times?" This week - the importance of relationships. Next week - the importance of serving those in need.

This week D will lead and I will do support, then next week we switch. My support for this week consists of greeting, plus creating and tallying a little survey on relationships, both within and outside the church. Yay! Statistics! :)

But writing up the survey this week got me thinking about the impact of social networking sites on relationships. I have this nagging worry that the Facebooks of the world, coupled with instant messaging, texting, and email, are going to move us to become a culture of broad but shallow, or in other words "a mile wide and an inch deep."

I mean, it's not a bad thing to have more breadth, right?  To get outside our parochial little circle and "see the world", even virtually.  But I fear we are trading depth to get that breadth. We amass 436 "friends" on Facebook from all over the world, but then have to filter that list down to our 40 or so "top friends" - the ones we might occasionally talk to.  Electronically.  Maybe.

Electronic communication can easily be ignored, filtered or blocked (as in you're wanting it to be out-of-sight-out-of-mind). This is analogous to not answering the knock at your door, ignoring (or silencing) your phone's ringer, or pretending you just don't hear the greeting or see the wave from passersby.  See what I mean?  ;)

In essence, when routine communication is reduced to primarily electronic means (digital), and not face-face or voice-voice (analog), we can hide. We can easily become as isolated, and even as anonymous, as we want to be. 

You can become a "digitarian" or even a "digi-vegan".  (Oooh, I think I just coined new phrases!  They'll show up at the above links in a few days, they tell me.)

Really, it's worse than that, though.  It's not just about me hiding. Our entire web of social relationships can become reduced to the overlap between our privacy settings/practices and the privacy settings & practices of other people - no more than what is allowable by me... or by you. Combined.

The only antidote to isolation is community. Community forces personal interaction and relationships, including with people we'd really rather avoid. It helps you avoid becoming insular, seeing only what you want to see, hearing only what you want to hear.

But how do you "do community" without totally abandoning digital, going analog with all your communication, becoming anti-digitarian, so to speak? Or can you just cut down on your digital usage?  

How do you have relationships with a digital component, but safeguard against your own or others' tendency to retreat behind filters, firewalls, and privacy settings?

When do you pick up the phone and speak live, instead of leaving messages (text or voicemail)? When do you meet for coffee or recreate together or volunteer together, instead of emailing or posting links about it?

More to the point, I guess, how do we...

you and me...



stay together?

and not drift apart? :(

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

it's true. but, the same thing can happen even in community: you go to church, sit through the service, go home, and although in the presence of people, no real community is present in your life.

and so, via the internet, thanks for the cd. :)

Bill said...

and via the internet, you're welcome. :) There's more where that came from, too.

One more thought on this topic:

My buddy SQ shot me a (digital) note after reading this, commenting on the blog. I post it here as his thoughts, not mine (though we do think alike a lot.)

"Another disturbing trend I've noticed is that people translate their digital habits into 'brick and mortar' [ed.: 'analog'], if you will. They drift in and out, flake, and avoid in real life just as they do online. Social etiquette is a thing of the past. So many young people have no problem telling you one thing and then doing another. It's common practice."

I suppose his observation could relate to your comment about potential lack of community in the analog world. If we get used to isolation or surface-level communication in the digital world, might that not spill over into our analog communities?

Hm.

Future Urban Planner said...

LOL- Jeannette sent me a er, strip- that's it from this cartoonist too- something about a guy who hopelessly pines for his female friend who only chases meatheads who don't respect her. I think I should make his acquaintance ;-)>

Oh yeah, walking around in a light sweater and jeans! C u soon?!

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