Dealing with the Ds

to wit:

... darkness
... disappointment
... discouragement
... disillusionment
... despair



Pastor Kev, and Nate (a sometime artist, and the worship leader this week), both talked today about light breaking into darkness - which is so appropriate for this time of year as the days grow so short and the nights so long, and especially appropriate as we approach Christmas.

Kev suggested that people have two main ways of dealing with the difficulties of life, of handling the hard things that inevitably come our way (either externally through circumstances or internally through our own choices.)

One kind of person sort of refuses to think about them, tries to avoid living Thoreau's "examined life." This kind of person tries to ride above it all, not look too deeply, think positive thoughts. They are full of self-will, and are determined to make the best of their situation, even if they have to do it all themselves.

They rarely ask for help. They rarely admit shortcomings. They pull themselves up by their own bootstraps, take responsibility, and take pride in self-sufficiency. They focus on the what of life, not the why.

Another kind of person thinks to excess about the hard things in life, examines life continuously. This kind of person tends to sink under the weight it all, thinks too deeply, wallows in despair. They are full of self-pity, and wear their despair on their chest like a badge of honor, convinced they will never make it, that life will never be good.

They are painfully aware of their every single shortcoming, and think that they must pretty much deserve what has happened to them, and so search for the reasons. They focus on the why of life, not the what.

I certainly know which end of the spectrum I tend toward.

How about you?



What Kev suggested is that there is a third way, a way of balance that is neither self-willed nor self-pitiful, in fact not self-focused at all. And that third way comes into clear focus at Christmas, when God broke into a hard, cold world with a message of hope, with a light that drove off darkness (and still does.)

This third way does not deny the Ds... I can admit to my weaknesses, shortcomings and discouragements. I can say that they're real, and beyond my ability to handle. I can ask for help.

But at the same time, the third way does not give up and give in to the Ds. I can say that there is hope and help; there is light and love; there is justice and joy. I can say that life is good - worth living.

The third way says that I don't need either self-will or self-pity. I see myself accurately, and the world for what it is... I neither dwell on it, nor deny it, because I have access to (and trust in) Someone greater than me to help me make sense of it and deal with it.

I have light to help me see, and hope to help me live.

Christmas: the third way.