Do you feel loved? Did you expect to?

So, what do you do when you first hear the news that your company doesn't want you anymore? I suppose everyone reacts differently... but in many ways it's like being told by your spouse/partner/lover that they're leaving you. They can say it as nicely as they can, but...

For me, it was the "punch in the gut" sensation - an unexpected blow knocking the wind out of you, so you can't breathe. Shocked, stunned, and even though you had an inkling something was wrong, it was so sudden in coming - you had all these plans that now will never come to pass.

You wonder, what did I do wrong? It must be my fault... I must be in the wrong here somewhere. You replay every conversation, looking for where you messed up. You panic, you get desperate and try to salvage the relationship. What can I do to get them to change their mind? What words can I say? Can I promise to do better, or to make things easier for them, do more, take less? Then you realize - it's too late for that. They've decided and there's no patching things up.

They say it's not my fault, that it's not about me - it's a decision they didn't ever want to have to make, wished there was some other way, but they had to do this for their own long-term viability, to protect their options, not to mention all the other people who are involved and important and affected by this. In the long run, they say, it's the best thing for everyone. And maybe they're right. Maybe it is best.

But it feels like it's about me, like I've failed them, I've fallen short, I didn't measure up, I've not given them what it is they really wanted from me. And, as I look back, I'm not sure I ever could have. I think that maybe I was wrong for them from the start... even though I thought I was making them happy - happy enough anyway to have me stay with them for a while longer.

You can understand these kind of thoughts about the breakup of a love relationship, right? But about a job relationship? Why is it that we personify our corporate employer, and expect somehow that they will have feelings for us?

If I've learned anything about the business world over this long career, it's that a corporation does not love you. You can give it all the effort and energy and dedication and loyalty you like, but in the end - it doesn't love you at all. There may be people in the organization who do - if you're lucky. And you'll see it in the expressions of sympathy you receive from them when they hear your bad news. But they may not be in a position to do anything to help save your job. The corporation does not - cannot - love you, and will never, ever return the affection you give it.

So, why give it any at all? Yet we do. (Or, I should say - some of us do...) It's a huge mistake to assign to a business the emotions and values that only individuals can experience and live out in practice. You only leave yourself open to heartache to assume the corporation will conduct itself in a kind and loving way toward you. Only people will do that, and even then, the people who will do this are the ones who are truly committed to you, unwilling to leave you when it gets hard, and when trouble comes will not allow you to flounder on your own - they won't let you hurt alone. Who are these people for you? Do you know? It's a good exercise to list them, and if you're truly honest, you might be surprised at who might be on your list, at who will never abandon you...

As for your employer, better to view the relationship between the company and you as a business deal, a contract - in exchange for $X and benefits of Y, you will give them a certain amount of work. If you don't give them their money's worth, they can end the contract. If they ask for more value from you than they are willing to pay, or if you find someone who will give you more for the same work, you can exit. Leave the emotions out of it, and see it as nothing more than a negotiation between a seller and buyer of services, because at the moment of crisis, that's all it is. They will either decide to continue buying or not, based on the utility they see in you versus their other options.

You would bristle if your love interest viewed you that way, because you expect some degree of human kindness to be present, and you'd be right to think so. But for a corporation, no human kindness exists - only policies and procedures and decisions. If you're very lucky, the executives in charge of your destiny may choose to act kindly toward you and try to sell that choice up the ladder above them, but even then, it may not work out. Don't count on kindness, count on logic and expediency ruling the day.

The other thing to expect from a corporation is... short-term thinking at the detail level, which is the level of individual people decisions (who stays, who goes). Senior managers seldom think strategically about the selection of front-line workers and supervisors, leaving that to the middle managers to handle. Mergers and acquisitions are often pushed to conclusion far too fast for the decision makers to have all the information they need to make the best decisions. They commit to "letting people know as early as possible" what their options are and who will be selected to "go forward" with the organization. But what happens is that the people decisions are made too fast, often expeditiously to fill slots, and with a tendency to err on the side of familiarity, leaving the acquiree with a natural but unspoken bias against the staff of the acquired.

In sum, then, I suppose you should always be ready to have your business deal with your employer cancelled unexpectedly, and when it happens, not take it personally. Yes, that's easier said than done, especially for those of us who give our hearts easily, but the clue for you should be this: when there's no sacrificial committment in a relationship, and there never is with a corporation, there will be no guarantee or even reasonable hope of them doing anything for you, other than what they perceive is currently in their own best interest. So, why entrust your heart to a corporation, who serves their own interests exclusively, who only serves yours when it serves them to do so?