A kinder, gentler, Borg?

Sunday, the pastor was talking about what human beings need to thrive.  One of those things is relationships - ones that go beneath the surface communication we have with co-workers, neighbors, shirt-tail relations, etc.  We need to be known, and we need to be loved.  And in order to be loved fully, we need to be known fully.  In this way, we are assured that we are loved IN SPITE OF our flaws, and not simply because we've hidden them.  This can only happen in committed, trust-filled relationships.

He went on to talk about the way our culture likes to put off making commitments in relationships, because committed relationships tie us to other people and cut off other options.  I found myself relating well to this idea.  I prefer options to commitments.  But at the same time I know that committed relationships are beneficial and redeeming.  I just tend to run from them.

Have you heard the term "web of relationships"?  That, to me, is not a helpful metaphor.  I think of committed relationships as a spider web - sticky, entrapping, immobilizing.  It's like that scene in Lord of the Rings, where Frodo is caught in the web of Shelob, the giant spider.  Frodo is trying to do what's right, but in doing so he's caught, and can no longer move independently and freely - instead he's dependent on someone else to rescue him, to free him from the confines of this web.  Unfortunately for me, this is the default setting on how I have seen relationships, from grade school onward.  I need a total reset on this topic.  I need a new metaphor to work with.

But what metaphor?  Maybe, um... a "network" of relationships?  Network is not a threatening term like "web" is.  I put files out on the network at the office, where I can share them with others.  J1 is really good at networking for career advancement purposes.  J2 has a vast network of friends.  D has fewer but deeper, more committed ones she goes to regularly.  You can plug in to a network, and unplug, too, right?  Yes, there may be a network administrator that sets some rules of use, but is that so bad? Seems benign enough.  I could sort of see small groups at church in this way..   maybe..  like networking..  especially if you aren't locked in to them forever.  But how committed are unpluggable relationships like this?  Not very.  Doesn't the network really need to be deeper, stronger?

Ah, but what about a network like "the Borg"?  Remember that Star Trek movie, First Contact, where the main enemy for the episode was this network which expanded only by assimilation?  Here each person was assimilated into the collective consciousness called the Borg, such that all their unique talents and perspectives were added to the network, so that the network benefited, but in return they lost their individuality.  They simply became automatons doing the bidding of the collective.

Assimilation like that in a church setting is something I have experienced in the past - where you join, and in joining you are expected to behave, to present yourself publicly in a certain way in order to be part of the group.  You are expected to think and speak, and deal with life's difficulties, in a certain way - the way the collective says you should.  And if you try to deviate behaviorally, theologically, or express doubt in the collective wisdom, you are reprimanded for it.  I fear this every bit as much as being caught in a spider's web of relationships.

But couldn't there be a kinder, gentler, version of the Borg?  Couldn't the church preserve our individuality in the midst of deep connectedness?  It seems that this is what Saint Paul was driving at in 1 Cor. 12-14: the importance of each one's unique talent and perspective, but within the context of a dynamic, spiritually living organism called "the Body of Christ".  In my reading of the passage, no one is expected to give up their individuality when becoming a part of the church, rather a recognition of that uniqueness is what Paul teaches.   Still, there is an expectation of some baseline commitments and behavior, for the greater good - there is a sense in which the collective must work cohesively, cooperatively, implying a need for mutual submission and committment.

I get this, at least in principle.  I support the need for community, for committed relationships within it, and for a more corporate reading of the New Testament.  But it's still a really, really difficult thing for me to warm up to.  I need a better metaphor for committed relationships in community than a web (Shelob) or a network (Borg).  There must be something else that I can use to get more comfortable with the notion of commitment within a community.  And sitting here at home on Thanksgiving, sick as a dog from a seasonal rhinovirus, I'm not sure "members of the same body" is the best one, either.  I'm feeling real familiar right now with the notion that when one of the parts of the body hurts (in my case, my rib cage and throat from hard coughing), the whole body suffers.  Ugh.

I just can't think of a better metaphor than that one.   Yet.

Major Dad, reporting for duty.

So as of July, we were back to empty-nesting again, after a brief stint as every-day, active-duty parents for J2 while he re-attempted college. While that experiment did not go well, what did go well was a temp job that turned into full-time with benefits. As a result, by next month, he'll be financially independent of us again as well. So, no dependents will be listed on 2013's 1040 form, except the basic two you get from filing jointly. In the meantime, during this same stretch J1 lost her job, and for the last 3 months, she's been unemployed and searching, which has gotten us involved as well. (She's now fully employed again, though, thanks be to God).

There is kind of an oscillation to this grown-child parenting phase of life. One kid is nicely settled but the other one is facing some sort of life trauma. Then that kid's trauma resolves, with said kid settling in to better circumstances, and ... the formerly solid one gets rocked by some unexpected jolt. You're not neck deep in their circumstances the way you used to be when they lived at home, though. As a parent of grown kids, your main involvement with them is a sweet/sour cocktail of joy and worry, with the exact blend varying from one serving to the next. For the most part, it's essentially passive involvement, reacting to their ups and downs.

But occasionally, there is a need to become actively involved. I've experienced this with each kid a couple of times in the last couple of years. What it kind of feels like is a reservist being called to active duty. Sometimes you can see it coming, just by seeing circumstances develop, other times it's a total surprise. But, surprise or not, convenient or not, you do what reservists are expected to do: report for duty. And right now, soldier!

When J1 and then J2 went off to college, I essentially went from being a father on active duty, to a weekend warrior in the parenting reserves. Maybe once a year, you have a couple weeks of active duty, refreshing your parenting skills, but mostly it's just a light weekly or monthly contact keeping current with a SitRep briefing by phone, by email, or over Sunday dinner. But now and then, sometimes without warning, you get the call: "Hey, Dad? Um...", and you dig the uniform out of the closet and put it on, hoping it still fits.

"Reporting for duty, sweetie (or buddy, as the case may be), Major Dad at your service. So what's our situation?"

As for me, after hearing positively from both children about their life circumstances, I think I just got my orders being released from my latest deployment. This father-soldier is putting his civvies on again. :)

Nice place for a seminar

Boy, you know, it's tough when your only industry conference option left for the year (and which you need to get your required Continuing Ed credits) is in ... Orlando.  (Awww... you feel for me, I know)

The airport part of the experience wasn't that remarkable, except that the interior monorail in the concourse in Detroit where we connected was kind of unexpected.

Going a day early made it possible to poke around rural Florida for a bit, and take in some of the local wildlife at a trailer park where the grandparents winter.

But after that, we got to our ultimate destination, a very picturesque place just across the water from Epcot (which is lovely at night) and the Fantasia mini-golf course (which is the best one I've ever played).

Plus, the workshops were also top-notch. Came back with several new ideas to implement at work, and a renewed appreciation for a well-done resort setting for a conference. Time well spent, all around.

Stuck in Lambeau

Once a year we make a pilgrimage to Lambeau Field for a Packer game.  The day was great, the game was great, the VIP passes for sideline access were extra great.  Photo record below.

Only this time we almost didn't get back home.  The car started after the game but the shifter wouldn't move out of "Park".  Good old AAA towed us to a dealership and dropped us off at a hotel for the night and in the morning we discovered what was wrong.  An $8.00 "spring assembly" broke underneath the shift lever.  $300 worth of shop labor later, we were on out way home, minus one unplanned vacation day.  Oh well.  Could've been worse, right?  At least it decided to break at Lambeau, instead of at a gas station in Waupaca or someplace.  Lambeau field is pretty at night...

But I do like it better during the day. :)

You can see the new construction at the top of the South End Zone - lots of new seats coming next year, so the waiting list will get a little smaller, and J1 & J2's names a little closer to the top.

The rest of this post is a photo recap of the pre-game on-field visit (including shots of the bench, the heaters, the first aid rack, the replay booth, Fox's overhead camera, Aaron Rodgers & Clay Matthews warming up, and... Pam Oliver on the sidelines.  What hair!)

Adapting to the Marketplace

Those of you who are regular readers of this blog already know (as do those of you who also follow my alter ego on Facebook or Twitter), that I have gotten involved in local Republican Party politics this election cycle.  My efforts were directed toward advancing the cause of the most Libertarian-leaning candidates and viewpoints, in the hopes of changing the party in that direction.

In the process, I have observed a couple of things that I think contributed to the GOP taking it in the shorts in the swing states on Tuesday.  There are at least five trends I can identify occurring in the USA Voter Marketplace.  We are growing:

    > less white

    > less "traditional"

    > more urban

    > more secular

    > more comfortable with government having some role in promoting the common good

The GOP competes in the marketplace of votes.  Shifts in popularity within the marketplace of ideas tend to correlate with shifts in the voter marketplace.  If the Republican Party does not adapt to the changing marketplace of voters, it will become less and less relevant over time, eventually becoming the Whig Party of the 21st century.  Republicans nees to become less strident in their defense of classic conservatism and Red State traditions (family, religion, patriotism, English) and more interested in what interests the middle 2/3 of the electorate.  The GOP must become less ideological and more practical, figuring out how to get things done with those who hold different views.  

In the short run, the first step to this is bipartisanship; as Governor Romney said in the last week of his campaign, the first thing we should do upon being elected is "walk across the aisle", and find someone reasonable over there with whom we can work.  The former Massachusetts governor urged Washington's politicians to set aside the "bickering" and "political posturing" going forward, and "put the people before the politics."  The time for ideological purity is over.  Save that for the pundits and talk show hosts.

So as a credentialed delegate, tonight I go to a special nominating convention to select a GOP candidate for State Senate, to replace the person who actually won the primary, legitimately earning a place on the ballot, but... who died before the election Tuesday.  There will be a special election for that district held two weeks from now, with the Republicans putting forth the person we select tonight.  I wonder who my peers will settle on?  A partisan ideologue, or a bipartisan statesman?  What happens tonight may well decide whether I stay in and try to help the party adapt to a changing electorate ... or abandon this party as hopeless.  I hope it's the former.

*****

Update: 

I'm not quite sure what we got last night in a candidate, other than a sincere guy with a politician's smooth exterior.  At least he's not a career politician.  He happens to be a lawyer, which is hardly surprising in the legislature, and seems to have a track record of saying no to expanding local government.  I guess we could do worse, but I am also sure we could've done better.  I think I'll hang in there for a while and keep working on this.

My guy didn't get the nod, he came in second.  And the media was there watching the sausage get made.  But at least the rooms weren't smoke-filled.  ;)

And the winner is.....

Gridlock!
Deficits!
National Debt!

(not like they weren't going to win regardless of the outcome...)

Out of the Woods

... and back toward home.

The retreat weekend was good, as usual,

with lots of time spend tromping around out in the woods.

This act of simply being alone in the midst of God's creation, seems to naturally prompt conversations between He and me.  Which is a large part of the point of these retreats, after all.

The room I stayed in was tucked away under an earth berm, and pretty quiet. Accommodations were both comfortable and simple, as you'd want.

The rest of the buildings were scattered around tucked up against the same woods, so each one seemed private, except maybe the cabin units connected to the dining hall by a raised wood deck.

The library/lounge, the sun room, and the chapel building were all sun catchers, and really lovely, as Catholic retreat centers tend to be.

Somehow it seems easier to bring concerns to God in places like these... and to be grateful for His presence in your life.

Again... part of the point, yes? :)