People are aware of both my job situation and my enrolling in grad school, and I'm getting two consistent streams of advice and counsel these days.
One thread is basically: "Bloom where you're planted. Buckle down and work hard. Give 100% - a day's work for a day's pay. Develop a good reputation. Trust in God and He will deliver you at the right time. Don't try to weasel out of a tough situation - learn whatever lesson is there for you to learn."
The other thread is more like: "Connect with your passions. Use the time you have left to make the biggest impact on those around you, leave a positive legacy behind you. It's never too late to change direction. This is the time of life where you can be free again to grow and change for the better. As long as you're energetic and healthy - follow your heart, trust God for the rest. What is your security in, anyway? Money isn't everything, you know."
So... is one thread of advice right and the other wrong?
Or, can I apply both at the same time somehow? Maybe so - I think the next 3-4 months will tell the tale. A quarter's worth of grad school, at the same time trying to improve things at work, looking at other career options in the meantime... who knows? Maybe I can learn something about myself and life while exploring a new direction for my remaining productive years, be that 5, 15, 25, or 50. Who knows how long?
Like Gandalf says to Frodo, when Frodo wishes out loud to be rid of his burden - wishes "that none of this had happened." Gandalf says to him: "So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us."
Neither is it for me to decide how much productive time I have left. But what do I do with what I've been given? *How* do I spend it?
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You've spent the last year and a half chronicling your discontent with the way things are now. You've identified a passion and an opportunity to change that. Maybe the lesson is simply Let go of the security and trust in God.
You've given sooo many years to The Corporation; if you were to make a difference there, you would have done it there, or you would know that you still have work to do there. Your desire to teach is not motivated by money or security or fame, so what is your motivation to do it? And why are you questioning it?
God will speak to *you* if you ask him to; what you hear from others is what you need to hear to help you commit to a decision. I hope you do follow your passion. There is nothing more sad than a person who knows they could have been something better, if only they hadn't been too afraid to try.
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