A dream deferred?

I've been mulling over a couple of verses lately:

Micah 6:8 He has told you, O man, what is good;
And what does the LORD require of you
But to do justice, to love kindness,
And to walk humbly with your God?

Proverbs 13:12 Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
But when the desire comes, it is a tree of life.



Some of you know that I've wanted for some, oh, 18 months or more now, to prepare for a change in careers as I get closer to retirement.

I know, I know, that's quite a ways off. 14+ years.

But a year and a half ago, before learning that my division was closing and my job was going away, it had seemed much closer. I had thought "5 more years until I can opt for early retirement and lock in retiree health benefits for later use when my income is low." And I thought "this will let me go back to school, get my Masters and then teach, without worrying about health coverage or a decent pension."

It seemed like such a good plan. I had struggled for so many years with supporting the profit expectations of my employers, when I really wanted to influence the generation coming up behind me to (as Micah the prophet says) "do justice, love kindness, walk humbly with their God", integrate their faith with the rest of their life, and behave ethically and compassionately in the marketplace. This was going to be my opportunity! So I enrolled in night school, excited about the dream.

But with the forced change in employment to a new company and a move to a new part of the country, away from support and away from school, that dream seemed dead. Now I will have to work until 65 at least, at a job that's demanding enough to preclude a course of study, or so it seems.

Yet, two Sundays ago, the pastor preached on the dreams in your heart, where they come from, whose they are, and how likely it is that they will come to pass. At the same time, I found an extension campus about an hour away from me which is affiliated with a great seminary in St. Paul. They offer classes Thursday nights in the exact major I was wanting to earn - an M.A. in Theological Studies.

All of a sudden, the dream maybe isn't dead anymore. Maybe... maybe...

I have a magnet on my cabinet at work, a quote from Mary Lou Retton. It says: "Each of us has a fire in our hearts for something... find it and keep it lit!"

Oh, I know what the fire is for - but can I keep it lit? For 18 months it's been out completely and I have felt its loss. I've been heartsick because of the hope that was deferred. Do I dare light the fire again?