(sigh)
I had to change the header of the blog today. I started this thing some 18 months ago or so, before the big 5-0. Now, I guess I can't say I'm "nearly-50" anymore. Awww...
"50ish" works though, I think. Then I won't have to change the header for a while. :)
And you know... if I could be 10 again, I wouldn't do it. It was not fun. 20 wasn't either (I'd just gotten fired.) And 30, 40 - no point in doing those over. I would never do child-rearing again (sorry, kids). Well, maybe if I got a government worker's pension out of the deal... nahhh! Not even that. Besides, they turned out pretty well the first time. :) If I did it over again, I might really mess them up.
These are good years to be alive and healthy. I like being this age. To me it's the best yet. I'm in decent shape, vigorous, have a trimmed back lifestyle, enough discretionary income to indulge myself now and then, enough accumulated wisdom to know when to hold back for the good of others, something to teach and share, brand new experiences all the time, and many many life goals checked off the list... these are the best years of my life. My twenties? Man, you can have 'em.
Two years ago, while preparing for a Sr. High Sunday School class, I made up this little proverb to sum up one's outlook on aging, and I think it holds true (at least everyone who's heard it says so):
You know you're grown up when you stop wanting to be older. You know you're old when you start wanting to be younger.
By that definition, I'm nowhere near old yet. I'm enjoying being this age. What is it, again? I forget... :)
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Monday, October 30, 2006
Grace vs. Karma
The pastor (younger of the two) yesterday preached on having a dream, and how to know if it's one God has inpsired in you, or if it's one you sort of made up to satisfy yourself. Interesting, and it opened me up to an idea... but more on that another time.
During the sermon he referred to a song by U2 (his favorite band) called Grace. He referenced the line that says Grace "travels outside of karma". The song has a duality to it, referring not only to a girl with the name Grace but also to the idea of grace. You can see it in the lyrics that follow.
His point was that most religions (incl. Judeo/Christian) have some form of karma built in - you reap what you sow, etc., but what makes the Jewish and Christian religions unique is the concept of grace. Most religions say that we'll ultimately get what we deserve. But no others say that we ever receive *more* than we deserve. In most, even Paradise must be earned.
Mercy and grace are two sides of the same coin. Mercy is NOT getting what we rightly have coming to us (condemnation due to wrongdoing), and grace is GETTING what we have no right to at all (intimate fellowship with a Holy God.) If anyone knows of a religion like that, other than Judaism/Christianity... what is it?
Grace
She takes the blame
She covers the shame
Removes the stain
It could be her name
Grace
It's a name for a girl
It's also a thought that changed the world
And when she walks on the street
You can hear the strings
Grace finds goodness in everything
Grace, she's got the walk
Not on a ramp or on chalk
She's got the time to talk
She travels outside of karma
She travels outside of karma
When she goes to work
You can hear her strings
Grace finds beauty in everything
Grace, she carries a world on her hips
No champagne flute for her lips
No twirls or skips between her fingertips
She carries a pearl in perfect condition
What once was hurt
What once was friction
What left a mark
No longer stings
Because grace makes beauty
Out of ugly things
Grace makes beauty out of ugly things
During the sermon he referred to a song by U2 (his favorite band) called Grace. He referenced the line that says Grace "travels outside of karma". The song has a duality to it, referring not only to a girl with the name Grace but also to the idea of grace. You can see it in the lyrics that follow.
His point was that most religions (incl. Judeo/Christian) have some form of karma built in - you reap what you sow, etc., but what makes the Jewish and Christian religions unique is the concept of grace. Most religions say that we'll ultimately get what we deserve. But no others say that we ever receive *more* than we deserve. In most, even Paradise must be earned.
Mercy and grace are two sides of the same coin. Mercy is NOT getting what we rightly have coming to us (condemnation due to wrongdoing), and grace is GETTING what we have no right to at all (intimate fellowship with a Holy God.) If anyone knows of a religion like that, other than Judaism/Christianity... what is it?
Grace
She takes the blame
She covers the shame
Removes the stain
It could be her name
Grace
It's a name for a girl
It's also a thought that changed the world
And when she walks on the street
You can hear the strings
Grace finds goodness in everything
Grace, she's got the walk
Not on a ramp or on chalk
She's got the time to talk
She travels outside of karma
She travels outside of karma
When she goes to work
You can hear her strings
Grace finds beauty in everything
Grace, she carries a world on her hips
No champagne flute for her lips
No twirls or skips between her fingertips
She carries a pearl in perfect condition
What once was hurt
What once was friction
What left a mark
No longer stings
Because grace makes beauty
Out of ugly things
Grace makes beauty out of ugly things
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Easing his grip
Met with Pebo today, and reviewed status on a number of things. He was pleased and very encouraging. I felt his grip loosening. Ahhhh...
And yet, I know if I let down for a second and he gets nervous, he'll start squeezing again. Maybe a dog wearing a shock collar is a good analogy. Get too close to the edge of the lawn (or in my case, too far astray from the work plan) and... zap!
(sigh)
My dog, Inferno, got used to it. Maybe I will too! :) He still gets into mischief in the house. I'll bet I still can. ;)
Ha. Right. Mischief at my age. That reminds me of a song lyric sung in the 40's by Julia Lee, a rhythm & blues singer. She sings to her aging lover man:
When you were young,
Your motor was fine.
Now your rear end's shot,
You're in low gear all the time!
You ain't got it no more.
You ain't got it no more.
Can't get yourself arrested!
You ain't got it no more.
Not me, though. Hey, baby, I still got it! Oh yeah!
Um, I think so anyway.
Hm.
And yet, I know if I let down for a second and he gets nervous, he'll start squeezing again. Maybe a dog wearing a shock collar is a good analogy. Get too close to the edge of the lawn (or in my case, too far astray from the work plan) and... zap!
(sigh)
My dog, Inferno, got used to it. Maybe I will too! :) He still gets into mischief in the house. I'll bet I still can. ;)
Ha. Right. Mischief at my age. That reminds me of a song lyric sung in the 40's by Julia Lee, a rhythm & blues singer. She sings to her aging lover man:
When you were young,
Your motor was fine.
Now your rear end's shot,
You're in low gear all the time!
You ain't got it no more.
You ain't got it no more.
Can't get yourself arrested!
You ain't got it no more.
Not me, though. Hey, baby, I still got it! Oh yeah!
Um, I think so anyway.
Hm.
Saturday, October 21, 2006
Feeling Squeezed
It was a tough week this week. Since I lost Alpaca for a dotted-line boss, and picked up Pebo in his place, the intensity level has ratcheted way up. Pebo has a hands-around-the-throat management style (or at least that's how it feels to me), and when he feels pressure from Mousewoman, his boss, the approach that he seems to resort to with his staff is... squeeze tighter.
Now, for a guy like me who's highest value/need in life has historically been autonomy (you know, setting my own course, making my own choices, not following a script, being the car on the highway with no one in front of him...) this is uncomfortable. I don't mind being responsible for my own choices, and I always have done so. I DO mind having my choices being prescribed for me by others, or influenced to such an extent (by others whom I care about, or for whom I have responsibility, or to whom I owe allegiance) that I feel I really have NO choice at all, and must do X, or else the result is too harmful to those around me, even though it's not really what I want for myself. I chafe at that, and always have.
But in the past, I've had more ability to tolerate it, bite back the irritation, compromise and give in, than I do now. With all that's happened over the last 18 months, recovering from medical issues, adjusting to medications, losing my chance at early retirement & grad school & career change, losing my job and having to uproot, starting over again, leaving loved ones of all sorts behind, losing my Dad and my brother, losing resources with financial setbacks from the relocation, etc., etc.... I have less capacity to handle stress and disappointment than I've had in the past. It's like having an immune system that's compromised, so that any little illness becomes a major deal.
So when my boss, and therefore the rules/expectations at work, change mid-stream, I find it more of a blow, harder to take than usual. And it spills over into how I handle everything else. Personal (interior) life, family life, work life - it's all interrelated and running together these days, I can't compartmentalize. My tendency when faced with this is to want to get some space, hit the open road, and let everybody figure things out on their own, me included. When I feel constrained by circumstances I can't control, my instinct is to jump the fence, and behave like the wild untamed stallion, not like the gelding broken to saddle and bridle which everyone prefers.
Scotland is calling me back. :)
Now, for a guy like me who's highest value/need in life has historically been autonomy (you know, setting my own course, making my own choices, not following a script, being the car on the highway with no one in front of him...) this is uncomfortable. I don't mind being responsible for my own choices, and I always have done so. I DO mind having my choices being prescribed for me by others, or influenced to such an extent (by others whom I care about, or for whom I have responsibility, or to whom I owe allegiance) that I feel I really have NO choice at all, and must do X, or else the result is too harmful to those around me, even though it's not really what I want for myself. I chafe at that, and always have.
But in the past, I've had more ability to tolerate it, bite back the irritation, compromise and give in, than I do now. With all that's happened over the last 18 months, recovering from medical issues, adjusting to medications, losing my chance at early retirement & grad school & career change, losing my job and having to uproot, starting over again, leaving loved ones of all sorts behind, losing my Dad and my brother, losing resources with financial setbacks from the relocation, etc., etc.... I have less capacity to handle stress and disappointment than I've had in the past. It's like having an immune system that's compromised, so that any little illness becomes a major deal.
So when my boss, and therefore the rules/expectations at work, change mid-stream, I find it more of a blow, harder to take than usual. And it spills over into how I handle everything else. Personal (interior) life, family life, work life - it's all interrelated and running together these days, I can't compartmentalize. My tendency when faced with this is to want to get some space, hit the open road, and let everybody figure things out on their own, me included. When I feel constrained by circumstances I can't control, my instinct is to jump the fence, and behave like the wild untamed stallion, not like the gelding broken to saddle and bridle which everyone prefers.
Scotland is calling me back. :)
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Reality
bites, or so I've heard it put.
Too bad vacations have to end. :)
Back to piled up emails, projects that haven't finished, concerned bosses, people needing direction, an overfull and rapidly changing calendar. And that's just at work.
(sigh)
From what I read, Heaven is not one long vacation, but it's just life (and work) in Paradise, without the work having to be by the sweat of your brow and without all the thorns and thistles that come up along with the vegetables...
I'm ready for that. Work that is not frustrating or counterproductive. What a great idea. Who came up with that, anyway? ;)
I could get angry at Adam for screwing it up for everybody... but - I am Adam.
Too bad vacations have to end. :)
Back to piled up emails, projects that haven't finished, concerned bosses, people needing direction, an overfull and rapidly changing calendar. And that's just at work.
(sigh)
From what I read, Heaven is not one long vacation, but it's just life (and work) in Paradise, without the work having to be by the sweat of your brow and without all the thorns and thistles that come up along with the vegetables...
I'm ready for that. Work that is not frustrating or counterproductive. What a great idea. Who came up with that, anyway? ;)
I could get angry at Adam for screwing it up for everybody... but - I am Adam.
Monday, October 09, 2006
Scotland!
is soooo different from Iceland. What contrasts!
Castles in lush countryside...
to kilts in an urban setting...
from the traditional...
to the historically innovative...
grace and charm blended, 
in a vibrant working-class city full of the friendliest people! They really mean it here when they say Cheers!
I could stay here a while. While waiting for my bus, I was tempted to miss it completely and not come back at all! :)
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Iceland!
How to describe it here?
It´s ethereal, bleak, stark, austere, rugged, active, varied.
The weather is 45 degrees, misty, breezy, overcast. Perfect! :)
Spent day one touring the city and going to the spa (see pictures).
For all the quaintness and picturesqueness of the city shown to tourists, there is also a "back of the house" that's less presentable. 
Day two was spent seeing the sights of nature during the day (see pictures), 
and the club scene at night (NO pictures!).
Day three (today) is spent catching up on email and blogging, organizing pictures, and shopping.
And oh yes, eating! So far... lamb soup, lamb hot dogs, skyr (a variation on yogurt), herring (ick), fish and chips, fish buffet, muesli, cold cuts for breakfast, and lots & lots of coffee.
It seems too soon to leave... but Glasgow awaits.
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
I am soooooo ready
to go overseas! I'm even looking forward to customs and several hours in the air. :) Anything to get that stamp in my passport. What does one even look like, anyway?
I can identify with the scene from that David Ducovny movie "Return To Me" with ... who? (brb) Minnie Driver! (I had to Google it..) where she ... NO! Wait a minute! Wrong romantic comedy. :) It was "While You Were Sleeping" with Sandra Bullock and Bill Pullman. I think. Whatever. You've cried at one... you've cried at them all.
Anyway, I identify with the scene where the lead actress bemoans the fact that she's never gotten a single stamp in her passport and wants one so badly. It's silly, but - I do!
I saw an Omni movie in a local museum here in St. Paul about the Vikings, and how they settled Iceland. It looks gorgeous. I can hardly wait to see those vistas in person!
But first, some fun in old St. Paul while I wait for my departure flight. Museums, shopping, movies... mmmm. Plenty of time to sleep while I'm on the airplane.
Another week on the road almost in the books. A couple more days and... I'm free to enjoy life! Not that work isn't enjoyable, but - you know what I mean. ;)
I can identify with the scene from that David Ducovny movie "Return To Me" with ... who? (brb) Minnie Driver! (I had to Google it..) where she ... NO! Wait a minute! Wrong romantic comedy. :) It was "While You Were Sleeping" with Sandra Bullock and Bill Pullman. I think. Whatever. You've cried at one... you've cried at them all.
Anyway, I identify with the scene where the lead actress bemoans the fact that she's never gotten a single stamp in her passport and wants one so badly. It's silly, but - I do!
I saw an Omni movie in a local museum here in St. Paul about the Vikings, and how they settled Iceland. It looks gorgeous. I can hardly wait to see those vistas in person!
But first, some fun in old St. Paul while I wait for my departure flight. Museums, shopping, movies... mmmm. Plenty of time to sleep while I'm on the airplane.
Another week on the road almost in the books. A couple more days and... I'm free to enjoy life! Not that work isn't enjoyable, but - you know what I mean. ;)
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Yet another away message
on my voicemail and email at work...
This last week was nuts, a combination of trying to catch up from being out of the office 8 days out of 10, touching all my staff in some way, keeping developing projects going, and keeping a lid on PeBo's anxiety over the Great Fire Drill To Find The Missing Money.
I really have to stop calling it that, though. One of my staff said "I'm putting all this time in for a fire drill?" No no no no no - sorry, Carol. Didn't mean it like that. THIS IS NOT A DRILL! No one's effort has been wasted! Sometimes sarcasm from the mouth of a department head is inappropriate and this time it was my turn to goof.
It's just that I can see clearly that the problem is solved, but so many other people need proof, and it is taking up soooo much time... I wish sometimes that I could let people inside my head what I see. In this case they might relax. But the problem then would be... how do I get rid of them after they're done looking? ;)
Hmmm. That would make a good plot for a sci-fi movie. A guy has the ability to allow people to see things as he sees them. Selectively at first, and only when he wants them to. But then, as the psychic connection gets deeper, they can see through his eyes whenever THEY want to (of course seeing things that he doesn't WANT them to see, like how he views them and others), and even later... they begin to alter HIS perceptions to match theirs, and he loses his identity in the process. Sort of like a Vulcan mind-meld gone bad. =:O Creepy.
So... where was I? :) Oh yes. By the end of the week, everything at work was calm, cool, collected. No one's nervous, everyone's tended to. I did my job. :)
And now, off again! Next week on business to St. Paul, and then... yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeahhhhhh! A stamp in my passport! Finally! It's only taken 50 years to get one. Jeepers Molly. That's a long time.
After the week of work, I leisurely enjoy poking around St. Paul for a couple of days, and then fly to Reykjavik (I'm finally learning how to spell it) for 3 nights. Then hop the North Sea to Glasgow for another 3 nights and then back to Mpls & Milwaukee for 2 (jet lag adjustment) before back to work on the 11th.
Right now I'm fretting over luggage. Do I have to pack my winter jacket? (Yes, dopey. It's 50 over there.) Do I need more than one pair of dress shoes? Can they be my cordovan penny loafers so that I can wear them with jeans? Do they even do that anymore? ;) Why can't I check 3 bags?!?!?!? Arghh. I may have to ship a box of dirty clothes back to New England to make room for all the souvenirs I need to bring home. Christmas gifts are from Europe this year, I guess!
The cab comes in the morning. Woo hoo!
This last week was nuts, a combination of trying to catch up from being out of the office 8 days out of 10, touching all my staff in some way, keeping developing projects going, and keeping a lid on PeBo's anxiety over the Great Fire Drill To Find The Missing Money.
I really have to stop calling it that, though. One of my staff said "I'm putting all this time in for a fire drill?" No no no no no - sorry, Carol. Didn't mean it like that. THIS IS NOT A DRILL! No one's effort has been wasted! Sometimes sarcasm from the mouth of a department head is inappropriate and this time it was my turn to goof.
It's just that I can see clearly that the problem is solved, but so many other people need proof, and it is taking up soooo much time... I wish sometimes that I could let people inside my head what I see. In this case they might relax. But the problem then would be... how do I get rid of them after they're done looking? ;)
Hmmm. That would make a good plot for a sci-fi movie. A guy has the ability to allow people to see things as he sees them. Selectively at first, and only when he wants them to. But then, as the psychic connection gets deeper, they can see through his eyes whenever THEY want to (of course seeing things that he doesn't WANT them to see, like how he views them and others), and even later... they begin to alter HIS perceptions to match theirs, and he loses his identity in the process. Sort of like a Vulcan mind-meld gone bad. =:O Creepy.
So... where was I? :) Oh yes. By the end of the week, everything at work was calm, cool, collected. No one's nervous, everyone's tended to. I did my job. :)
And now, off again! Next week on business to St. Paul, and then... yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeahhhhhh! A stamp in my passport! Finally! It's only taken 50 years to get one. Jeepers Molly. That's a long time.
After the week of work, I leisurely enjoy poking around St. Paul for a couple of days, and then fly to Reykjavik (I'm finally learning how to spell it) for 3 nights. Then hop the North Sea to Glasgow for another 3 nights and then back to Mpls & Milwaukee for 2 (jet lag adjustment) before back to work on the 11th.
Right now I'm fretting over luggage. Do I have to pack my winter jacket? (Yes, dopey. It's 50 over there.) Do I need more than one pair of dress shoes? Can they be my cordovan penny loafers so that I can wear them with jeans? Do they even do that anymore? ;) Why can't I check 3 bags?!?!?!? Arghh. I may have to ship a box of dirty clothes back to New England to make room for all the souvenirs I need to bring home. Christmas gifts are from Europe this year, I guess!
The cab comes in the morning. Woo hoo!
Sunday, September 17, 2006
Deja Vu a generation apart
I feel like draggin' out the ol' banjo and gettin' everybody in a whompin' big circle and gettin' all y'all to singin' "Will The Circle Be Unbroken (by and by Lord by and by)", since it seems like a circle got closed this week.
With Janey (or whatever it is I call her in this blog. Is that it, Kitten? I forget.) getting her first genuine full-time permanent salaried position (with the 401K and benefits thing, too) this week, it seemed like someone drew a circle through our two points in the universe, along with some other points we now have in common. As of last Monday, she works for the same company I do, in the same department (granted a darned big department - 13,000 people), just in a regional service office in Chicagoland. She's Field, I'm Home Office. Ha. The tension is maintained. You know, "I'm from Home Office and I'm here to help." We are so paternalistic that way toward the Field - it suits our father-daughter relationship! Hee hee.
Anyway, it's been a real kick to email back and forth about what she's learning and who she's meeting and how the work is. I have a spy now in the Field! Someone who'll tell me the unvarnished truth about how it REALLY is. I'll just never be able to quote her as a source! And in turn, she may wind up getting advance copies of memos that the Field won't necessarily see in raw form. Hmmm... This could be mutually beneficial. Just discreet.
Plus, it's been nice to see her upgrade from a Neon that was a total loss to a Passat with leather interior, and from a shared 2 bedroom on Irving Park to a one bedroom (with air and parking) in the suburbs. "We're movin' on up! Toooo the West Side!" Just watch the malls, honey. Go home for lunch, don't go to the food court. :)
So now I have an even better reason to visit Chicago (and environs) than to check on my house. Guess I needed one just about now, since my house... is SOLD!!!! Yay!
The paperwork is going smoothly. The advance of the equity may happen this week. Hope so. Next week... there'e nobody home. Not for 2+ weeks. And that check needs to hit the bank. Hmpf. Maybe it should be electronic. I can live without paper. Especially if it's faster.
With Janey (or whatever it is I call her in this blog. Is that it, Kitten? I forget.) getting her first genuine full-time permanent salaried position (with the 401K and benefits thing, too) this week, it seemed like someone drew a circle through our two points in the universe, along with some other points we now have in common. As of last Monday, she works for the same company I do, in the same department (granted a darned big department - 13,000 people), just in a regional service office in Chicagoland. She's Field, I'm Home Office. Ha. The tension is maintained. You know, "I'm from Home Office and I'm here to help." We are so paternalistic that way toward the Field - it suits our father-daughter relationship! Hee hee.
Anyway, it's been a real kick to email back and forth about what she's learning and who she's meeting and how the work is. I have a spy now in the Field! Someone who'll tell me the unvarnished truth about how it REALLY is. I'll just never be able to quote her as a source! And in turn, she may wind up getting advance copies of memos that the Field won't necessarily see in raw form. Hmmm... This could be mutually beneficial. Just discreet.
Plus, it's been nice to see her upgrade from a Neon that was a total loss to a Passat with leather interior, and from a shared 2 bedroom on Irving Park to a one bedroom (with air and parking) in the suburbs. "We're movin' on up! Toooo the West Side!" Just watch the malls, honey. Go home for lunch, don't go to the food court. :)
So now I have an even better reason to visit Chicago (and environs) than to check on my house. Guess I needed one just about now, since my house... is SOLD!!!! Yay!
The paperwork is going smoothly. The advance of the equity may happen this week. Hope so. Next week... there'e nobody home. Not for 2+ weeks. And that check needs to hit the bank. Hmpf. Maybe it should be electronic. I can live without paper. Especially if it's faster.
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
SOLD!
(I hope)
I think the ordeal is over. Funny how the timing of this stuff works. The company offers to buy us out of our house at a lowball price, and suddenly we get two offers! Hmmm...
Anyway, they came in a day or so apart, and we countered, then they countered, then they... well, you know how it goes. I think we locked in on one yesterday, though I can't quite be sure. I'm currently 3 time zones away and not quite in the loop...
The really really nice thing about the relo program is this deal called an "equity advance", where the relo company buys you out and you get your equity NOW! And, let me tell you, brothers and sisters - we can surely use it! New hardwood floors, lounge furniture, vacations out of the country... um, yeah.
So hopefully it's done. I have a call in (several calls, actually) to find out for sure for sure for sure.
In the meantime the corporate jet is home away from home. It's a darn sight better than flying commercial. I can carry on my lip gloss, for one thing. ;) Second, Coreen (the flight attendant) goes out during the day and buys me stuff for the next evening.
Yeah, what else does she have to do, but she's so considerate! First it was Miller lite, then last night it was a cheeseburger from In & Out Burger. SWEET! Tonight I'm thinking peanut M&Ms... Then, I'd left my Steve Tyrell CD on the plane (she had put it on the stereo system for me) and she brought it to my hotel afterwards thinking I might want to use it to fall asleep to that night. Aww... She needs to work on her gin and tonics, though. Just a little strong. =:O
I think the ordeal is over. Funny how the timing of this stuff works. The company offers to buy us out of our house at a lowball price, and suddenly we get two offers! Hmmm...
Anyway, they came in a day or so apart, and we countered, then they countered, then they... well, you know how it goes. I think we locked in on one yesterday, though I can't quite be sure. I'm currently 3 time zones away and not quite in the loop...
The really really nice thing about the relo program is this deal called an "equity advance", where the relo company buys you out and you get your equity NOW! And, let me tell you, brothers and sisters - we can surely use it! New hardwood floors, lounge furniture, vacations out of the country... um, yeah.
So hopefully it's done. I have a call in (several calls, actually) to find out for sure for sure for sure.
In the meantime the corporate jet is home away from home. It's a darn sight better than flying commercial. I can carry on my lip gloss, for one thing. ;) Second, Coreen (the flight attendant) goes out during the day and buys me stuff for the next evening.
Yeah, what else does she have to do, but she's so considerate! First it was Miller lite, then last night it was a cheeseburger from In & Out Burger. SWEET! Tonight I'm thinking peanut M&Ms... Then, I'd left my Steve Tyrell CD on the plane (she had put it on the stereo system for me) and she brought it to my hotel afterwards thinking I might want to use it to fall asleep to that night. Aww... She needs to work on her gin and tonics, though. Just a little strong. =:O
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Lesson learned?
Another one today. Maybe.
Ironically, I was just reading a book on the airplane which contained this quote that I'd never seen before:
"The lessons of life amount not to wisdom but to scar tissue and callus."
- Wallace Stegner
It was timely.
He's right, I think. I don't believe you get wiser via life lessons, necessarily. Maybe I'm just building up callus, you know? ...by making the same mistakes over and over. And after a while that repeated mistake will simply stop hurting as much.
You have to be either pretty stubborn or pretty desperate to repeat the same painful behaviors again and again. I mean, who wants callus, anyway? It's ugly, and in some cases - deforming.
I do know that I have scar tissue from some of life's lessons. Here, see, I'll show you: this one's from when I was in high school and a bunch of us ... woah, never again, man! And this one here - it's from college when this girl ... how could I not have seen that coming? Blind! And, oh yeah, this beauty! Ow. I can feel that one yet. It's from when I found out that, no matter how much I wanted to, I just couldn't ... but, that does NOT define me anymore! No way!
See my point? Yes, I learned some things from life experiences. As they say, I have the scars to prove it. But then there are some scars that mark an experience where I don't think I learned anything at all. The only thing I got was pain and the scar. What did I learn, for example, when they told me I ... and what did I learn when she just ... and what in the world did I learn when I suddenly lost ... I learned nothing! It just hurt.
Perhaps, as time goes along, I'll look back and see something that indeed represents a lesson learned and wisdom gained from the experiences that left those particular scars. As they say, time heals all wounds. Sure. Yeah, eventually you die and that'll take care of it...
But mostly, as Stegner says, you're left with scar tissue or you build up callus. And I don't think experiences or life lessons is where wisdom comes from, either. Wisdom comes from another Source altogether.
So I don't think I learned much today. But I do feel the callus in that particular spot getting a little thicker. It's not as tender as the last time it got poked. So, lesson learned? Maybe. And maybe not. I guess we'll see if the callus keeps growing, or if that spot grows soft again.
I'd rather it be soft... even if it hurts now and then.
Ironically, I was just reading a book on the airplane which contained this quote that I'd never seen before:
"The lessons of life amount not to wisdom but to scar tissue and callus."
- Wallace Stegner
It was timely.
He's right, I think. I don't believe you get wiser via life lessons, necessarily. Maybe I'm just building up callus, you know? ...by making the same mistakes over and over. And after a while that repeated mistake will simply stop hurting as much.
You have to be either pretty stubborn or pretty desperate to repeat the same painful behaviors again and again. I mean, who wants callus, anyway? It's ugly, and in some cases - deforming.
I do know that I have scar tissue from some of life's lessons. Here, see, I'll show you: this one's from when I was in high school and a bunch of us ... woah, never again, man! And this one here - it's from college when this girl ... how could I not have seen that coming? Blind! And, oh yeah, this beauty! Ow. I can feel that one yet. It's from when I found out that, no matter how much I wanted to, I just couldn't ... but, that does NOT define me anymore! No way!
See my point? Yes, I learned some things from life experiences. As they say, I have the scars to prove it. But then there are some scars that mark an experience where I don't think I learned anything at all. The only thing I got was pain and the scar. What did I learn, for example, when they told me I ... and what did I learn when she just ... and what in the world did I learn when I suddenly lost ... I learned nothing! It just hurt.
Perhaps, as time goes along, I'll look back and see something that indeed represents a lesson learned and wisdom gained from the experiences that left those particular scars. As they say, time heals all wounds. Sure. Yeah, eventually you die and that'll take care of it...
But mostly, as Stegner says, you're left with scar tissue or you build up callus. And I don't think experiences or life lessons is where wisdom comes from, either. Wisdom comes from another Source altogether.
So I don't think I learned much today. But I do feel the callus in that particular spot getting a little thicker. It's not as tender as the last time it got poked. So, lesson learned? Maybe. And maybe not. I guess we'll see if the callus keeps growing, or if that spot grows soft again.
I'd rather it be soft... even if it hurts now and then.
Friday, September 01, 2006
Stuffy New Englanders...
not!
At our tag sale today (the local version of a garage/rummage/yard sale, depending on where you're from), the people who stopped were extraordinarily friendly. And talk! Yak, yak, yak... you know, the whole drill, welcome to the area, what brought you here, how do you like it so far, where do you work, oh my wife/husband/child works there, I'll bet the winters will be more to your liking... sheesh. Give it a rest! You broke the stereotype already!
Actually, it was very nice. :) And just like the tag sale we had in June or whenever it was. Boy, are they friendly! They even have a local restaurant chain here (sort of a cross between Denny's restaurant and a Farrell's ice cream parlor) called Friendly's. Yikes!
Not to mention they bought all kinds of broken stuff we never been able to get rid of before. ;) Good for them.
At our tag sale today (the local version of a garage/rummage/yard sale, depending on where you're from), the people who stopped were extraordinarily friendly. And talk! Yak, yak, yak... you know, the whole drill, welcome to the area, what brought you here, how do you like it so far, where do you work, oh my wife/husband/child works there, I'll bet the winters will be more to your liking... sheesh. Give it a rest! You broke the stereotype already!
Actually, it was very nice. :) And just like the tag sale we had in June or whenever it was. Boy, are they friendly! They even have a local restaurant chain here (sort of a cross between Denny's restaurant and a Farrell's ice cream parlor) called Friendly's. Yikes!
Not to mention they bought all kinds of broken stuff we never been able to get rid of before. ;) Good for them.
Monday, August 28, 2006
Stepping into the new life
There were a couple of positive steps this weekend toward stepping into the routine of new life here. One was resolving where we will go to church. It was a pretty thorough search, and even though the answer is "the same place we went the last time we lived here", I can embrace that answer because it's still the best fit of anything we've seen. So, past history aside, I'm ok with that and will dive in, helping out wherever there's a need. And, plug into a neighborhood group of some sort, too, to make new friends. That's hard work, and slow, but... needs to be done!
The other positive step was a successful bit of entertaining Sunday afternoon. It was supposed to be a large outdoor cookout on the deck and in the yard, but turned out to be a small dinner inside, because of the rain. 9 people around the dining room table was just right! It got us familiar with our new space vis-a-vis entertaining, and kind of broke the ice. It felt good to do. Seemed a little funny that our first guests would be people who work for me (and spouses), but... I've been here longer, so I know them somewhat. Next, it's the neighbors! Maybe in October...
Might be turning a corner here. Hm. But also talked on the phone with people back home (home is still not "here" for me - it's ... somewhere else.) And that felt nice, too. It was a good weekend.
The other positive step was a successful bit of entertaining Sunday afternoon. It was supposed to be a large outdoor cookout on the deck and in the yard, but turned out to be a small dinner inside, because of the rain. 9 people around the dining room table was just right! It got us familiar with our new space vis-a-vis entertaining, and kind of broke the ice. It felt good to do. Seemed a little funny that our first guests would be people who work for me (and spouses), but... I've been here longer, so I know them somewhat. Next, it's the neighbors! Maybe in October...
Might be turning a corner here. Hm. But also talked on the phone with people back home (home is still not "here" for me - it's ... somewhere else.) And that felt nice, too. It was a good weekend.
Saturday, August 26, 2006
The Fringe
Where the heck did I hear this? I can't remember now. Somewhere... maybe it started with the reaction of the Democrat leadership to Joe Lieberman, and how they are distancing themselves from him because he's not anti-war enough.
Hm.
Well, anyway, what I heard was this: what unites the fringe elements in society is what they are AGAINST. I think the logic was being applied to one end of the political spectrum, I won't bother to say which, but after further thought I think it applies to fringes of all sorts. Maybe it's even how you can recognize fringe elements...
The political right is against abortion-on-demand, same-sex marriage and so forth. The far right fringe focuses on those things to excess, and the figureheads for their vitriol are Michael Moore, George Soros, Hillary Clinton. They focus on what they're against, not on what they're for. The political left is against the war in Iraq, against an American theocracy (the Bible defining public policy.) The far left fringe focuses on those things to excess, and the figureheads for their vitriol are President Bush, Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter. They focus on what they're against, not what they're for.
Who is FOR something? Especially something positive? The political moderates, mostly, who the far right and far left criticize roundly as not having CONVICTIONS. Moderates are those who are in the middle of the bell curve, not those on the fringes, in the "tails" of the curve. Most people are in that range, leaning left or right, yes, but not drastically. Yet, the public debate is dominated by the fringes.
I'm not at all advocating that we adopt the mantra of the timid "oh, can't we all just get along?", not that. I expect people to disagree, but I'd much rather disagree in a discussion of positive ideas as to how to deal with the ills of society instead of polarizing the country by digging in our heels and screaming, whether we are leftist or rightist in our leanings. Lean away, but persuade and convince reasonably, with a positive outcome in mind!
The Nazis were focused on who they were against: the Jews, the Gypsies, the religionists. The radical Islamists are focused on the Israelis, who they are against. The communists and athiests are focused on those with religious conviction. The skinheads and feminists are focused on who they are against, and the pro-lifers, pro-choicers, bible-thumpers, Libertarians, Greenpeace folks and the PETA people are, too. ANYBODY on the fringe of any movement is energized, galvanized, by their common opposition to something. Even what they are FOR is based in large part on what they're against! Really. Any positives are really negatives in disguise. Examples: Gay rights activists are virulently against Bible-thumpers. Watch a Gay Pride parade sometime and see what they mock. Traditional values proponents are virulently against homosexuals. Watch the signs they carry sometime and who "God hates." It's hard to see love motivating either group. Love doesn't motivate the fringe. Hatred does.
Who is FOR something? I'd like to be part of a political or religious movement that binds people together, that seeks common ground we can agree on, that strives for the positive. Is there such a thing?
Hm.
Well, anyway, what I heard was this: what unites the fringe elements in society is what they are AGAINST. I think the logic was being applied to one end of the political spectrum, I won't bother to say which, but after further thought I think it applies to fringes of all sorts. Maybe it's even how you can recognize fringe elements...
The political right is against abortion-on-demand, same-sex marriage and so forth. The far right fringe focuses on those things to excess, and the figureheads for their vitriol are Michael Moore, George Soros, Hillary Clinton. They focus on what they're against, not on what they're for. The political left is against the war in Iraq, against an American theocracy (the Bible defining public policy.) The far left fringe focuses on those things to excess, and the figureheads for their vitriol are President Bush, Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter. They focus on what they're against, not what they're for.
Who is FOR something? Especially something positive? The political moderates, mostly, who the far right and far left criticize roundly as not having CONVICTIONS. Moderates are those who are in the middle of the bell curve, not those on the fringes, in the "tails" of the curve. Most people are in that range, leaning left or right, yes, but not drastically. Yet, the public debate is dominated by the fringes.
I'm not at all advocating that we adopt the mantra of the timid "oh, can't we all just get along?", not that. I expect people to disagree, but I'd much rather disagree in a discussion of positive ideas as to how to deal with the ills of society instead of polarizing the country by digging in our heels and screaming, whether we are leftist or rightist in our leanings. Lean away, but persuade and convince reasonably, with a positive outcome in mind!
The Nazis were focused on who they were against: the Jews, the Gypsies, the religionists. The radical Islamists are focused on the Israelis, who they are against. The communists and athiests are focused on those with religious conviction. The skinheads and feminists are focused on who they are against, and the pro-lifers, pro-choicers, bible-thumpers, Libertarians, Greenpeace folks and the PETA people are, too. ANYBODY on the fringe of any movement is energized, galvanized, by their common opposition to something. Even what they are FOR is based in large part on what they're against! Really. Any positives are really negatives in disguise. Examples: Gay rights activists are virulently against Bible-thumpers. Watch a Gay Pride parade sometime and see what they mock. Traditional values proponents are virulently against homosexuals. Watch the signs they carry sometime and who "God hates." It's hard to see love motivating either group. Love doesn't motivate the fringe. Hatred does.
Who is FOR something? I'd like to be part of a political or religious movement that binds people together, that seeks common ground we can agree on, that strives for the positive. Is there such a thing?
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Stones are being rolled away...
This is really meant to be a diary of MY job search and the aftermath of it, but to some extent my daughter's job search is all wrapped up in it, too. :) The parallels at some points were frankly pretty eerie. We frequently commiserated on how slow followup after job interviews was, the feeling being invalidated or rejected when you were "passed" on, etc... and I found that while I understood the process, and knew from experience how things work, it didn't mean that it hurt any less from my vantage point of age and experience. I just knew it was coming. :) For her it was a surprise.
But, yesterday there was that glorious feeling of being "validated" as a human being and a contributor to society when she got a job offer, and accepted! It's with the same company I work for, but in a field office about 45 minutes from her apartment. Full-time, permanent, benefits, and roughly twice her current earnings. Financial independence is around the corner!
I feel good on several levels, but one of them is that I was able to help her make some connections inside the company that she wouldn't have normally made. She used me as a networking resource! Good for her! And she really got herself the job, I didn't - no arm twisting, string pulling, nothing behind the scenes except a little email followup now and then to keep things moving. She made the sale herself.
Of course it's not a job directly in her field, but then... her current job wasn't either! This one, though, gives her the opportunity to transfer into a job later on that IS in her field, and pays her decent money while she learns the ropes.
And more good news today! The company changed its relocation program and was willing to roll me into the new one, which - drum roll - includes a house buyout! Woohoo! It will be a lowball offer, 95% of the average of two appraisals, but still - it's a safety net we didn't have before. We CAN cash out if we want to. It's like that credit card commercial where the Viking horde is rampaging down the street and is about to rape and pillage, when you whip out your credit card (with no fee) and stop them in their tracks before they can ruin you financially. Take that, Vikings! See my home buyout card? Hahahahaha. Pfui on you. :)
Plus, I think we're getting very close to a church affiliation decision, which is a big deal for creating a network of friends around here. One more week, and I think we're locked in on something there.
It almost seems like 3 big stones that have been blocking the path are getting rolled away, and the way is clearing to move forward. Maybe 30 days hence, we will have 1) house sold, 2) daughter independent, and 3) a support network building.
Wouldn't that be nice? :) ahhhh...
But, yesterday there was that glorious feeling of being "validated" as a human being and a contributor to society when she got a job offer, and accepted! It's with the same company I work for, but in a field office about 45 minutes from her apartment. Full-time, permanent, benefits, and roughly twice her current earnings. Financial independence is around the corner!
I feel good on several levels, but one of them is that I was able to help her make some connections inside the company that she wouldn't have normally made. She used me as a networking resource! Good for her! And she really got herself the job, I didn't - no arm twisting, string pulling, nothing behind the scenes except a little email followup now and then to keep things moving. She made the sale herself.
Of course it's not a job directly in her field, but then... her current job wasn't either! This one, though, gives her the opportunity to transfer into a job later on that IS in her field, and pays her decent money while she learns the ropes.
And more good news today! The company changed its relocation program and was willing to roll me into the new one, which - drum roll - includes a house buyout! Woohoo! It will be a lowball offer, 95% of the average of two appraisals, but still - it's a safety net we didn't have before. We CAN cash out if we want to. It's like that credit card commercial where the Viking horde is rampaging down the street and is about to rape and pillage, when you whip out your credit card (with no fee) and stop them in their tracks before they can ruin you financially. Take that, Vikings! See my home buyout card? Hahahahaha. Pfui on you. :)
Plus, I think we're getting very close to a church affiliation decision, which is a big deal for creating a network of friends around here. One more week, and I think we're locked in on something there.
It almost seems like 3 big stones that have been blocking the path are getting rolled away, and the way is clearing to move forward. Maybe 30 days hence, we will have 1) house sold, 2) daughter independent, and 3) a support network building.
Wouldn't that be nice? :) ahhhh...
Monday, August 21, 2006
Routine?
I'm looking forward to getting back into a routine again. Seems like every week, every month, there's something unstable or temporary. Whether it's travel or unpacking or contractors or family visits or church hunting, it's still something that keeps us from settling into a routine.
Vacillating back and forth between routine and spontaneity is a pattern for me, and when I have too much of one, I crave the other. So tomorrow night I go to the airport, pick up Deb (I hate these pseudonyms, but...), and then have about two weeks of "normalcy" before I travel again. September & October are busy travel months.
Some travel over the Holidays is "normal", so that should be OK. Maybe then after Halloween there will be some sort of routine to build and set in place for a few months. Then the spontaneity will seem so much more fun!
Vacillating back and forth between routine and spontaneity is a pattern for me, and when I have too much of one, I crave the other. So tomorrow night I go to the airport, pick up Deb (I hate these pseudonyms, but...), and then have about two weeks of "normalcy" before I travel again. September & October are busy travel months.
Some travel over the Holidays is "normal", so that should be OK. Maybe then after Halloween there will be some sort of routine to build and set in place for a few months. Then the spontaneity will seem so much more fun!
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Not the President, the poet, but it's me, O Lord...
standing in the need of prayer.
Amen to that.
Maya Angelou and I have never gotten along. I'm pretty sure she's blissfully ignorant of it, poor thing. I don't think I've ever told her how disappointed I was when she was named Poet Laureate of these here U-nited States. But, I can see why the name-r, our former President Mr. Clinton, would have liked her work, especially this piece.
But then again... I do too - this piece anyway. I'm becoming pretty sympathetic to those that stand with John Newton, former slave trader, crying out in their own unique verse the equivalent of "Amazing Grace! How sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me." From what I can read of Newton's biography, it sounds like he experienced the saving grace of God in 1748, and continued to work the slave trade for another 7 years before health issues drove him ashore and into the pulpit.
Then there's John Donne (1572-1631), profligate, sensualist (and preacher), who's "Hymne to God the Father" cuts to the heart of the sinner's despair before God, but his deep and abiding hope in grace.
So, maybe I should cut both Ms. Angelou and Mr. Clinton some slack. While I don't know her personal moral dilemmas and failings, she stands in the midst of a great tradition of poets & lyricists (of varying levels of skill and popular recognition) with a sense of their own need of mercy and, along with Mr. Clinton, stands in a great tradition of sinners publicly admitting their need for the saving grace of God.
Here's a poem of Angelou's I recently ran across. I get it.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin'."
I'm whispering "I was lost,
Now I'm found and forgiven."
When I say.. "I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need Christ to be my guide.
When I say.. "I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
And need His strength to carry on.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
And need God to clean my mess.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
But, God believes I am worth it.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
Who received God's good grace, somehow!
Amen to that.
Maya Angelou and I have never gotten along. I'm pretty sure she's blissfully ignorant of it, poor thing. I don't think I've ever told her how disappointed I was when she was named Poet Laureate of these here U-nited States. But, I can see why the name-r, our former President Mr. Clinton, would have liked her work, especially this piece.
But then again... I do too - this piece anyway. I'm becoming pretty sympathetic to those that stand with John Newton, former slave trader, crying out in their own unique verse the equivalent of "Amazing Grace! How sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me." From what I can read of Newton's biography, it sounds like he experienced the saving grace of God in 1748, and continued to work the slave trade for another 7 years before health issues drove him ashore and into the pulpit.
Then there's John Donne (1572-1631), profligate, sensualist (and preacher), who's "Hymne to God the Father" cuts to the heart of the sinner's despair before God, but his deep and abiding hope in grace.
So, maybe I should cut both Ms. Angelou and Mr. Clinton some slack. While I don't know her personal moral dilemmas and failings, she stands in the midst of a great tradition of poets & lyricists (of varying levels of skill and popular recognition) with a sense of their own need of mercy and, along with Mr. Clinton, stands in a great tradition of sinners publicly admitting their need for the saving grace of God.
Here's a poem of Angelou's I recently ran across. I get it.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin'."
I'm whispering "I was lost,
Now I'm found and forgiven."
When I say.. "I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need Christ to be my guide.
When I say.. "I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
And need His strength to carry on.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
And need God to clean my mess.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
But, God believes I am worth it.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
Who received God's good grace, somehow!
Monday, August 14, 2006
Flame On!
A while back my daughter sent me this quote on poetry.
"Poetry is the evidence of life. If your life is burning well, poetry
is just the ash."
-- Leonard Cohen
I liked it, and composed a short poem in reply:
The body goes to ashes
The outer shell to dust,
The inner life to poetry
As life incendiary must.
I thought about this again today while I was cooking steak on the grill (barbequed with curry sauce... mmmm.) I like the idea of a life incendiary. A life that is burning well, leaving the clean grey ash of poetry behind.
But I don't want my life to fizzle out like a candle sputtering or like a campfire slowly dying or a cigar cooling and going out. I don't want to burn out fitfully. I like the notion of my life being like the propane tank on my grill. It's finite, limited, but capable of either great heat or a low simmer, cooking fast or slow. And, most of the time, you have no idea when it's going to suddenly go empty. You're blissfully cooking along, you hear that characteristic "pop", and all of a sudden... its done. I like that.
The propane tank is productive and useful, doing what it was designed to do, right up until the end. Sure, what you're grilling right this minute may not be done when the fuel runs out, but think of all the good meals it made before! Maybe a few things got burnt, yeah, but... mmmm, remember all the good stuff! And the smells, the entertaining, the comraderie that surrounded those flames on the grill. Yeah.
So, that's what I want. Light me up, turn the dial, let's go! And when I go "pop" - so what? I did what I was supposed to do at the last - I was cookin', baby!
Can you feel the heat?
:)
"Poetry is the evidence of life. If your life is burning well, poetry
is just the ash."
-- Leonard Cohen
I liked it, and composed a short poem in reply:
The body goes to ashes
The outer shell to dust,
The inner life to poetry
As life incendiary must.
I thought about this again today while I was cooking steak on the grill (barbequed with curry sauce... mmmm.) I like the idea of a life incendiary. A life that is burning well, leaving the clean grey ash of poetry behind.
But I don't want my life to fizzle out like a candle sputtering or like a campfire slowly dying or a cigar cooling and going out. I don't want to burn out fitfully. I like the notion of my life being like the propane tank on my grill. It's finite, limited, but capable of either great heat or a low simmer, cooking fast or slow. And, most of the time, you have no idea when it's going to suddenly go empty. You're blissfully cooking along, you hear that characteristic "pop", and all of a sudden... its done. I like that.
The propane tank is productive and useful, doing what it was designed to do, right up until the end. Sure, what you're grilling right this minute may not be done when the fuel runs out, but think of all the good meals it made before! Maybe a few things got burnt, yeah, but... mmmm, remember all the good stuff! And the smells, the entertaining, the comraderie that surrounded those flames on the grill. Yeah.
So, that's what I want. Light me up, turn the dial, let's go! And when I go "pop" - so what? I did what I was supposed to do at the last - I was cookin', baby!
Can you feel the heat?
:)
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Back to the Future
On my own this week and next, just me and the dog. I can't let lethargy grip me, though, even on a lazy Sunday morning like this one. To much to do. Up and out! Lawn chores and grocery shopping yesterday, and I rewarded myself with some nice roses, 
steak on the grill, fresh buttered green beans (and yes, I cooked them myself), some great dip - feta blended with cream cheese and Indian eggplant spread from Trader Joe's - plus a couple of movies "Little Miss Sunshine" and "World Trade Center." I was pretty worn out by the end of the second one. Got 10 hours of sleep though! Wow. It felt great. And the noodle-headed mutt slept in, too. Good boy...
So off to church it was, after my hearty breakfast of a peanut butter, bacon, and muenster cheese sandwich. Mmmm.... This time the church was the one we had gone to when we lived here 5 years ago. I still have scars from the experience, but those were my fault - overly high expectations, mixed with a heavy dose of presumption. I needed to learn a lesson, and did. Still, who wants to go back and visit the woodshed where you got your whuppin's as a boy, even if you know now that you benefitted from it? Talked to the pastor afterwards, and we're having lunch on Wednesday. I think I'll tell him about the "schooling" God gave me the last time I was part of his church. :)
So, I walk in the door with a little trepidation, and who is standing there but the one guy I was closest to as a friend from living there before. I sat with he and his wife. Worship was peaceful and contemplative. And when they sang "Jesus Loves Me, This I Know" slowly and acapella... there wasn't a dry eye in the place, mine especially. There are a lot of people who heard that song on mama's knee like I did, or in nursery at church. It still has an impact on grown-ups.
Hmmm. Then he used this quote in his sermon:
"If you have no faith in the future, then you have no power in the present. If you have no faith in a life beyond this life, then your present life is going to be powerless. But if you believe in the future and are assured of victory, then there should be a dance in your step and a smile on your face." - Max Lucado
I think two years ago I felt like this - without much hope for the future, and therefore pretty powerless. Things have changed since then. The future looks much brighter, and I don't feel powerless, but vital and strong. The future isn't as daunting, and I have more courage.
That reminds me of another quote. Don't know who first said it, but I like it: "Loving someone deeply gives you strength. Being loved deeply by someone gives you courage." And as St. Paul said: "Love never fails."
steak on the grill, fresh buttered green beans (and yes, I cooked them myself), some great dip - feta blended with cream cheese and Indian eggplant spread from Trader Joe's - plus a couple of movies "Little Miss Sunshine" and "World Trade Center." I was pretty worn out by the end of the second one. Got 10 hours of sleep though! Wow. It felt great. And the noodle-headed mutt slept in, too. Good boy...So off to church it was, after my hearty breakfast of a peanut butter, bacon, and muenster cheese sandwich. Mmmm.... This time the church was the one we had gone to when we lived here 5 years ago. I still have scars from the experience, but those were my fault - overly high expectations, mixed with a heavy dose of presumption. I needed to learn a lesson, and did. Still, who wants to go back and visit the woodshed where you got your whuppin's as a boy, even if you know now that you benefitted from it? Talked to the pastor afterwards, and we're having lunch on Wednesday. I think I'll tell him about the "schooling" God gave me the last time I was part of his church. :)
So, I walk in the door with a little trepidation, and who is standing there but the one guy I was closest to as a friend from living there before. I sat with he and his wife. Worship was peaceful and contemplative. And when they sang "Jesus Loves Me, This I Know" slowly and acapella... there wasn't a dry eye in the place, mine especially. There are a lot of people who heard that song on mama's knee like I did, or in nursery at church. It still has an impact on grown-ups.
Hmmm. Then he used this quote in his sermon:
"If you have no faith in the future, then you have no power in the present. If you have no faith in a life beyond this life, then your present life is going to be powerless. But if you believe in the future and are assured of victory, then there should be a dance in your step and a smile on your face." - Max Lucado
I think two years ago I felt like this - without much hope for the future, and therefore pretty powerless. Things have changed since then. The future looks much brighter, and I don't feel powerless, but vital and strong. The future isn't as daunting, and I have more courage.
That reminds me of another quote. Don't know who first said it, but I like it: "Loving someone deeply gives you strength. Being loved deeply by someone gives you courage." And as St. Paul said: "Love never fails."
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