Suessian Verses

Getting that stinking AARP card in the mail the other day made me think of a poem I'd written several years ago, a geriatric version of a Dr. Suess book. In it is a line that talks about what I'll do when the AARP card arrives.

Ha. Little did I realize...

Anyway, here it is. Full of optimism about all the great things there are about growing older. :)

After I re-read it, I immediately set forth a challenge to J1 to illustrate it for me to self-publish. She took me up on it, so... maybe before my next birthday it'll be in print!

After all, it is kind of a combination pre-autobiography and road map to the future. And actually... it does sound kind of fun.  :)

Oh, The Things That I'll Do (When I'm 72)

(with apologies to Dr. Suess)

Oh, the things that I'll do when I'm seventy-two!

Yes, at 72 I will go to the zoo.

I will go to the zoo and I'll stay there all day

And because I'm so old, I may not have to pay!

I'll watch the monkeys do tricks and I'll have cotton candy,

And they'll drive me around in a golf cart – just dandy!

'Cause they'll think that I'm old and it's too far to walk

So they'll give me a riding tour, explain stuff and talk!

Then when I'm all done I will go to the coffee shop

And see all my friends there, like Frank the retired cop.

We'll have donuts together and talk about politics,

Or maybe I'll tell him about all the cool monkey tricks

That I saw at the zoo on this beautiful day

While I idled a number of hours away

Since of course as you know I'll have plenty to do -

Oh, the things that I'll do when I'm seventy-two!

I will go back to school,

exercise in a pool,

Take a woodworking class,

roll around on the grass,

I will start making wine at home,

take a self-guided tour of Rome,

I will lower my handicap,

And frequently take a nap.

Yes, I might get quite tired; I'll have so much to do

That some naps may be good when I'm seventy-two.

A retiree's life should never be stressing

Why just having this freedom will be such a blessing

To go just where I want to, and just when I might choose

And if nothing appeals to me - then just taking a snooze!

I will go to New York just to watch a parade!

Then I'll tan in Miami – make my skin a new shade!

I'll go driving out West and I might visit Oregon,

Or Minnesota maybe: to search for Lake Wobegon.

Of course money's no object – there's no cause for tension

With my 401(k) and the company's pension

Plus the money I've saved through financial acuity

I won't even depend on the Social Security!

When the AARP card arrives, I'll get busy

All my plans will start swirling – and I might just get dizzy!

If I fall there'll be time still to get off the crutches;

For my new hip to heal and to put the last touches

On the great plans I'll have for the cool things I'll do

Oh, the things I will do when I'm seventy-two!

I will play the piano,

(Arm) Wrestle mano-a-mano!

I may plant a huge garden,

Learn to be a game warden.

I will take dancing lessons

And I'll write my confessions

(or my memoirs I should say),

Have a best-seller one day!

I'll serve on a Grand Jury in a trial for perjury
Or I'll travel to India for cosmetic surgery
With a tummy tuck, facelift and eyelid compactor
I can get a new job as a spokesmodel/actor
Selling spa treatments, health foods or even Cialis
And I'm sure with the proceeds I'll live in a palace.

If that doesn't work out I'll get some tattooses
Till my arms are all covered with whatzits and whozis,
Tie a do-rag around my head, look real gnarly,
Then drive into the sunset on my great big old Harley
From the dealer I traded my minivan to,
Oh, the things that I'll do when I'm seventy-two.

I have so many dreams and such fun things to do –

Oh, the things that I'll do when I'm seventy-two!