Over the years I've taken a long weekend away by myself, to... change pace, disconnect, reflect, remember, whatever.
The last couple of years I've done it around the last full weekend in October, like the 26th/27th or so. I like that time of year, and it's met a real need for me, the last couple of years particularly.
It's also just before my birthday, so it has been a good time to reflect on the passing of time - where my life has been and where it's going.
There has been so much tumult and change, so much to rattle me... and these weekends helped me clarify things, get a grip on hope again, find things that I could look forward to.
This year, though... it seems different. I'm planning for it now - that long weekend at the end of October - but it's just not the same.
It's not like there's fresh trauma in my life; a lot of that has passed. What hope there is now... is of a different kind than before. It's in things far off, not in something that seemed only a long reach away.
This is a slow transition time for me now, moving from one stage of life to another, and not a lot to mark that passage, except slowly maturing grapevines (and more wrinkles.) ;)
In times of trauma, I gravitate toward Idealism, to find hope. Idealism and I are buds. :) Realism and I sometimes get along, like when life is calm, and especially when we are looking at what happened in the past, or when we are both living in the moment. Then we tend to agree - this was really good, that was hard, could have done better there, this is working out, etc.
But when the topic is the future, and I'm concerned about it, we don't often see eye-to-eye. I want to convince Realism to come along with Idealism and me, to see how good it can be when we're all together. :)
Realism, however... has other plans. Her *own* plans. :) So resolute, so impervious, so practical...
(and yes, in my thinking, realism is female & idealism is male, mostly. Argue with me if you wish, but... you know it's true.)
So.. this year.. what to do? Where to go?
Do I head for where my memories live?
Or where there are things unknown and new?
To a place where I can turn inward in silence?
Or somewhere busy that doesn't allow me much time to think?
Advice welcome. I may not publish it... but at least I'll read it.
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3 comments:
Realism is female and idealism is male? Oh please! Look at corporate America and you know that's not true- according to "conventional" thinking- which isn't that far removed from Victorian thinking (ironically which was when a woman was in power, but that was more on family lineage than X or Y chromosomes) the reason more men are promoted and hold high positions of power is because they "think" with their head not their heart. They're not overtly emotional and prone to "irrational" decisions. Hence, why we have yet to have a woman president- tho should we ever have one for a woman to even qualify she would be nearing early menopause- 35.
Ah, "the autumn of [your] years", Sinatra didn't exactly provide Mapquest directions to a specific locale did he? Go some place that will feed your soul. I was thinking some place that requires you drive through places in your past = time of reflection = but the final destination be a place you don't go to often. I was thinking Door County with a deliberate route past places from your past- Neillsville, Ladysmith, whatever. As I am geographically challenged I don't how that works out- I suspect a very long hypothaneuse ;-) but it'd be well worth it. Personally, if it's busy- say Chicago- it just crowds your thoughts and doesn't offer much time for that which you really seem to be seeking- contemplation.
just got back from the first night of justfaith, and have to go to bed... i'll leave another comment you won't publish with my thoughts on this soon. :) ly
hmm, yes.. that realism.
i vote for somewhere unknown and new. you don't want to be surrounded by reminders of .. realism.. how about someplace new, you don't have to forget me while you're there.. someplace we'd enjoy together? :)
i expect a blog update!
lymyl
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