Hypocrisy ==> Cynicism?

The pastor yesterday talked about cynicism.

First.. what is it? He took a bunch of definitions from people, one of which was pretty dictionary-based: a pervasive skepticism about the sincerity of others. Another one that was pretty thought-provoking was: active hopelessness. Hm.

So I had to ask myself, as I sat there.. am I a cynic?

Gosh, I guess I am. Yuk. :(

About *some* things, anyway.

Not about the goodness and beauty of love. Yet. Not about the mercy and grace of God. Yet.

But about politicians caring? Hell, yes. Corporate America caring? You bet. About regular people like you and me genuinely putting anyone else's interests ahead of their own? Yup. Um.. mostly. I will grant you that there are exceptions to that last one, and I know some. (they fall under the unconditional love department.) But there aren't many.

Do I come across to others as a cynic? Oh.. I suppose. I don't want to, but if I think about it - I suppose I must, huh? :(

So, for all of you that see on these pages a confirmed cynic, I'm sorry. I don't really want to be that. I want to be characterized as a person of active hope, not disaffection and distrust. I gotta think I'm heading in that direction (as I work through these disappointments and losses); it just might take a while to get there. So - hang in there with me?

Then the pastor asked.. what are some things that make one cynical? The first answers from the congregation (including D's and mine) were: disappointments, losses. Yup, I sure got those.

Then there was one more response that got me thinking: hypocrisy.

Woah, now. What?

The person who said that was asked to clarify, and they said.. "well, when the message in someone's actions doesn't match the message in their words (expressed or implied), you become skeptical of their sincerity. And if that happens enough, it leads to cynicism - a suspecting of everyone's sincerity."

Oh. Yeah, that's right. Sure.

So, a second question reared its disturbing head on the drive home from church: do people see hypocrisy in me, and .. if they do .. am I promoting the growth of cynicism in them?

Oh, goodness, no.. I hope that's not so.

I mean, I know I am as full of hypocrisy as the next guy, more than most, really. Whenever I have the courage to look inside my own heart, it's there plain to see - I don't hide it from myself. I know my actions don't match my words. Only on my best days do they.

But, God forbid that I am one more in a series of hypocrites whom people know, and maybe am that "last straw" who pushes them over the edge into full-blown cynicism. God forbid that should be me.

God help me to not be that person. I don't want to cause anyone to be hopeless, disaffected, distrustful, cynical. No piling on, please, not from me. I want instead to lift something *off* the pile of losses, hurts and disappointments that bury people and press them down. I want people, when they chance to think of me, to have reason to have hope for better things - for themselves and others near them.

Hypocrisy, get lost. I wanna take the mask off - not say one thing and do another, or pretend I'm one kind of person while really being another. Yuk.

I want to exchange criticism for grace and peace toward others.
I want to exchange cynicism for hope - both inside and in others.
And as I head into Lent, I want to exchange skepticism.. for trust.

God help me do this.