"Give up these few things, and your life will be better. Yes, of course, you enjoy them... but really, you're better off without them."
I'm sure you've heard some variation on the theme, often from doctors or health experts.
First they tell you to 'stop smoking and drinking.'
(Yeah, yeah, okay. I get that.)
'No more red meat, either.'
(Well, maybe. Vegetables are... fine.)
'Now, knock off the caffeine.'
(Hey! That's getting personal.)
Then, all fatty foods. Then sweets. Then salt. Always taking more great tasting stuff away. And adding back in nasty stuff like tofu, and fiber, and wasabi or cayenne (if you really must have seasoning.) Eeesh.
(I know, I know, some of you actually like all that stuff. :) Now if they just made bacon-flavored tofu, I might get on board with that. And... there's always bacon salt. Had some on my green beans last night. mmmm... and it's vegetarian!)
"But you'll feel better and live longer", they say.
Well, maybe so, but who wants to live longer if the life you have left is so unenjoyable? It's like I've always said about running. Sure you live longer. But if you have to spend all those extra years running... yuk.
And yet - I do feel better by running. But I'm just not running daily. I'm running ENOUGH to get the benefits (roughly two 5Ks a week), without making it into a religion.
And yes, I've cut back on alcohol, sugar, etc., while still retaining some. And yes, I feel better. But I mean, is NONE really necessary?
Maybe you've heard this, from people who shill for health foods and dietary supplements:
"You can eat all the foods you enjoy... and STILL lose weight."
"In only 20 minutes a day..."
"With only one tablet twice a day..."
"Using our easy-to-prepare and delicious meals..."
(you fill in the phrase.)
Yeah, right.
Maybe they work, maybe they don't, but the theme of them all is roughly this: the medical experts would have you live a life that's so austere that there's no joy left in it! So how about something that allows you to still enjoy what you love, but... without the ill effects of overindulging?
It speaks, I guess, to the universal human need for enjoyment - and the exercising of preferences in that enjoyment! We like some things more than others. :)
Plus, being a free moral agent, as humans are, implies choice. We like choice. We don't like others making our choices for us. Advice and counsel.. sure, that's okay. Sometimes we need it. But we still want to choose the course of action, and not be ordered or guilted into it.
Discipline is needed, of course. Problems definitely come from over-indulging, or from emphasizing one thing to the exclusion of others. The excesses of smoking, drinking, overeating & being sedentary are well documented and tragic. But to over-discipline oneself... doesn't that lead to problems, too?
Think of the female marathon runner who trains so hard that her body fat drops to a level where estrogen stops getting produced. If she wants to retain the ability to have children... will she be able to? Or what of the person whose over-disciplined approach to fasting and purging the body from toxins turns into death-spiral anorexia?
Or less extreme, instead of a low-carb diet... a NO carb diet (without the high-fiber good carbs). Or a NO fat diet (without the good omega-3 fatty acids). Or an ALL fiber diet instead of just a high fiber diet, a daily (!) colon cleansing, etc., etc. What might be a good corrective in moderation, is bad when taken to extreme.
If you're trying to correct an imbalance, you might swing to the other end temporarily, in order to break a habit (like I did last year during Lent with alcohol), but... permanently? Why?
I mean, even the "harmful" things have benefits. Think of the studies that have shown the benefits to your arteries from drinking red wine, or the helpful properties of antioxidants in chocolate and coffee...
So what does this all have to do with going on a retreat, you ask? (or maybe you don't ask, because you know that I'll tell you whether you ask or not!)
But first, a little break for some pictures from the place I stayed over the weekend. It was quiet, pretty, roomy, comfy, peaceful, cheap!
Isn't that homey? :)
Well, I think going on a retreat like this is sort of like a visit to the doctor... except the doctor is you. Plus maybe the input from other sources you have at your disposal (books, prayer, others..) And you see in yourself things that need changing. Do more of this, less of that.
It isn't so much physical, as it is for the emotional/mental/spiritual health issues. (I'll call that E/M/S for short.) I had a doctor for these at one point - the therapist - but.. I'm self-diagnosing now. Mostly. Except when I'm not. :)
So, last weekend I found a number of things affecting the condition of my E/M/S health, some of which I'm still working on from before with the counselor dude, Dr. Shrink-wrap. On those things, I remind myself, as he did: "small steps are okay. small steps add up to real progress." :) I like small steps.
But in some other areas, the outside counsel in my ears was ringing: "it's time to cut this out. no more for you, boy. kick this - now. if not now, when? it's time." And my reaction is... come on! Stop with the NONE part, already. Must we go to that extreme?
My counselor always said that when I caught myself thinking and feeling things that were ... not healthy ... that it's better to not stuff the feelings, but to acknowledge them. Allow yourself to experience them - they're real, they're part of you. And then, let them pass, don't allow them to linger by dwelling on them. Get them out, let them go.
Then there are other E/M/S health areas, though, where the approach is different. These areas are ones which are natural responses to life (ex: hurt, disappointment) and normal desires for life (ex: affirmation, pleasure), but are only really a problem when over-emphasized, taken to excess.
Here, you don't eliminate them completely from your life, you just take steps to control your reactions, limit your exposure to things that in the past you have let become excessive.
This makes more sense to me than saying: "because you over-emphasized something (a thought pattern, an emotional reaction) in the past - you must now deny yourself anything in that regard. You must be ruthless and severe with yourself."
Pooh. Sounds like discipline at the expense of joy.
Don't get me wrong. I understand both "do!" and "do without", "give!" and "give up". Sometimes you do without in order to be able to do more... good for others. Sometimes you give up, to be able to have more... to give away. I know this.
I just don't want to do without, and give up, so much that... there's little joy left in the doing and the giving.
Balance in all things seems better to me. And if you need to swing in one direction for a while to correct an imbalance in another direction... you do it temporarily, then move back a little at a time, until you reach balance again. Keep the enjoyment, the things you love... but manage the amount, checking routinely for excess.
I like that better. I don't want to be grumpy and morose. :(
I want to be able to say "To Life! L' Chaim!", instead of
"Bah, Humbug!"
Don't you?
Discipline is needed, of course. Problems definitely come from over-indulging, or from emphasizing one thing to the exclusion of others. The excesses of smoking, drinking, overeating & being sedentary are well documented and tragic. But to over-discipline oneself... doesn't that lead to problems, too?
Think of the female marathon runner who trains so hard that her body fat drops to a level where estrogen stops getting produced. If she wants to retain the ability to have children... will she be able to? Or what of the person whose over-disciplined approach to fasting and purging the body from toxins turns into death-spiral anorexia?
Or less extreme, instead of a low-carb diet... a NO carb diet (without the high-fiber good carbs). Or a NO fat diet (without the good omega-3 fatty acids). Or an ALL fiber diet instead of just a high fiber diet, a daily (!) colon cleansing, etc., etc. What might be a good corrective in moderation, is bad when taken to extreme.
If you're trying to correct an imbalance, you might swing to the other end temporarily, in order to break a habit (like I did last year during Lent with alcohol), but... permanently? Why?
I mean, even the "harmful" things have benefits. Think of the studies that have shown the benefits to your arteries from drinking red wine, or the helpful properties of antioxidants in chocolate and coffee...
So what does this all have to do with going on a retreat, you ask? (or maybe you don't ask, because you know that I'll tell you whether you ask or not!)
But first, a little break for some pictures from the place I stayed over the weekend. It was quiet, pretty, roomy, comfy, peaceful, cheap!
Isn't that homey? :)
Well, I think going on a retreat like this is sort of like a visit to the doctor... except the doctor is you. Plus maybe the input from other sources you have at your disposal (books, prayer, others..) And you see in yourself things that need changing. Do more of this, less of that.
It isn't so much physical, as it is for the emotional/mental/spiritual health issues. (I'll call that E/M/S for short.) I had a doctor for these at one point - the therapist - but.. I'm self-diagnosing now. Mostly. Except when I'm not. :)
So, last weekend I found a number of things affecting the condition of my E/M/S health, some of which I'm still working on from before with the counselor dude, Dr. Shrink-wrap. On those things, I remind myself, as he did: "small steps are okay. small steps add up to real progress." :) I like small steps.
But in some other areas, the outside counsel in my ears was ringing: "it's time to cut this out. no more for you, boy. kick this - now. if not now, when? it's time." And my reaction is... come on! Stop with the NONE part, already. Must we go to that extreme?
My counselor always said that when I caught myself thinking and feeling things that were ... not healthy ... that it's better to not stuff the feelings, but to acknowledge them. Allow yourself to experience them - they're real, they're part of you. And then, let them pass, don't allow them to linger by dwelling on them. Get them out, let them go.
Then there are other E/M/S health areas, though, where the approach is different. These areas are ones which are natural responses to life (ex: hurt, disappointment) and normal desires for life (ex: affirmation, pleasure), but are only really a problem when over-emphasized, taken to excess.
Here, you don't eliminate them completely from your life, you just take steps to control your reactions, limit your exposure to things that in the past you have let become excessive.
This makes more sense to me than saying: "because you over-emphasized something (a thought pattern, an emotional reaction) in the past - you must now deny yourself anything in that regard. You must be ruthless and severe with yourself."
Pooh. Sounds like discipline at the expense of joy.
Don't get me wrong. I understand both "do!" and "do without", "give!" and "give up". Sometimes you do without in order to be able to do more... good for others. Sometimes you give up, to be able to have more... to give away. I know this.
I just don't want to do without, and give up, so much that... there's little joy left in the doing and the giving.
Balance in all things seems better to me. And if you need to swing in one direction for a while to correct an imbalance in another direction... you do it temporarily, then move back a little at a time, until you reach balance again. Keep the enjoyment, the things you love... but manage the amount, checking routinely for excess.
I like that better. I don't want to be grumpy and morose. :(
I want to be able to say "To Life! L' Chaim!", instead of
"Bah, Humbug!"
Don't you?
1 comment:
yes. though sometimes obedience for the sake of pure obedience is and will be necessary.
pooh, indeed.
though, yes: if by eliminating completely you just burn yourself out and end up swinging back to where you were before or worse... well.. that's no good either.
good to have you back :)
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