Cleaning up... with a scalpel

Saturday afternoon I went back to confession again, about 4 weeks after my very first one. I had, um... some things to clean up?

The first time was so ... humbling and overwhelming, I just couldn't get through all 50-odd years worth of stuff that there was to confess. So I just hit the high points. Well, that's not the right term, is it?

Low points? Chronic issues? Top of mind stuff? The worst of it? I don't know how to put it.

But yesterday I wanted to "clarify" a couple of things with God (via the Sacrament), in other words, be a bit more honest with myself (and Him) than I had been the first time, fill in more around the edges. Plus, there were whole areas I just flat out skipped.

So this time was to clean up what I hadn't gotten right the first time. Plus, of course, there was a new 4 week's worth of things to confess. I just didn't realize that the clean up was going be done with a scalpel, not a brush.

Fr. Fitz heard my confession (though he didn't know me - I was behind the screen, and with the frog on my throat from running earlier in the day I didn't sound like myself.) At the end of it I asked him for some counsel in one area. What I got was "there's a theme here to everything you've told me. And the pattern is that you ... ", and he told me what he saw.

Oh my. :(

In about 3 sentences, he cut right to the heart of it all.

He was right. As right as could be, and I had not seen it before. At least.. not like this, not tying everything together.

I am bleeding.

But.. he got at the cancer, the infection, the poison, the tumor - whatever it is. He got to it.

I wonder what Dr. Shrink-wrap will think about this one.

And I wonder if - in his cutting - Fr. Fitz got it all out?

Hope so.

I don't want a relapse.