And the real Auld Lang Syne

In contrast to the previous post, here's the real thing. :)

The Wikipedia entry on Robert Burns' poem is particularly good, because it shows, side by side (or "right dere side by each" as dey say in M'waukee, hey?), Burns' original verse, along with the pronunciation as it would sound if a Scot were reading it aloud. Plus, it has the IPA pronunciation guide (for all of you linguistics majors out there who know about such things), and then a translation into modern English (um, what are braes and gowans again?) Except I'll have to edit the Wiki entry. I think they're missing it when they try to find an idiomatic translation of "auld lang syne" itself. We'll see if they take mine. ;)

And.. if you want to hear it read by someone who really knows how.. check out on iTunes a recording of it by Tom Fleming from his album "The Robert Burns Collection: The Words." It's worth a buck to hear it read properly. :)

So .. lift one for me tonight! As I will for you.. for old time's sake.



Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind ?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
and auld lang syne ?

CHORUS:

For auld lang syne, my dear,
for auld lang syne,
we’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

And surely ye’ll be your pint-stoup!
And surely I’ll be mine !
And we’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

CHORUS

We twa hae run about the braes,
and pou’d the gowans fine ;
But we’ve wander’d mony a weary fit,
sin’ auld lang syne.

CHORUS

We twa hae paidl’d in the burn,
frae morning sun till dine ;
But seas between us braid hae roar’d
sin’ auld lang syne.

CHORUS

And there’s a hand, my trusty fiere !
And gies a hand o’ thine !
And we’ll tak a right gude-willie-waught,
for auld lang syne.

Same Old Lang Syne

Back in 1979, Dan Fogelberg put out a song by this title that I just loved, and that used to make me want to cry a little every time I heard it. Yeah, yeah, it's sentimental, melancholy, wistful, sad and sweet.. suits me, huh? ;)

I'll play it a few times tonight. It still brings a lump to the throat - maybe moreso now.



Met my old lover in the grocery store
The snow was falling Christmas Eve
I stole behind her in the frozen foods
And I touched her on the sleeve

She didn't recognize the face at first
But then her eyes flew open wide
She went to hug me and she spilled her purse
And we laughed until we cried.

We took her groceries to the checkout stand
The food was totalled up and bagged
We stood there lost in our embarrassment
As the conversation dragged.

We went to have ourselves a drink or two
But couldn't find an open bar
We bought a six-pack at the liquor store
And we drank it in her car.

We drank a toast to innocence
We drank a toast to now
And tried to reach beyond the emptiness
But neither one knew how.

She said she'd married her an architect
Who kept her warm and safe and dry
She would have liked to say she loved the man
But she didn't like to lie.

I said the years had been a friend to her
And that her eyes were still as blue
But in those eyes I wasn't sure if I
Saw doubt or gratitude.

She said she saw me in the record stores
And that I must be doing well
I said the audience was heavenly
But the traveling was hell.

We drank a toast to innocence
We drank a toast to now
And tried to reach beyond the emptiness
But neither one knew how.

We drank a toast to innocence
We drank a toast to time
Reliving in our eloquence
Another auld lang syne...

The beer was empty and our tongues were tired
And running out of things to say
She gave a kiss to me as I got out
And I watched her drive away.

Just for a moment I was back at school
And felt that old familiar pain
And as I turned to make my way back home
The snow turned into rain --

(instrumental:)

(should old acquaintance be forgot?
or never brought to mind?
should old acquaintance be forgot?
or days of auld lang syne?

for auld lang syne, my dear!
for auld lang syne..
we'll raise a cup of kindness yet,
for auld lang syne)

One of the benefits of being numb

..is that nothing hurts. But then, nothing feels good either. Nothing feels at all.

Everyone who prefers not hurting chooses their preferred anesthetic..

and some days.. I do, too. Other days I gut it out. Hopefully, as time goes on, there are more of the latter than the former.

As Dr. S-W says, each day I can make it through the pain, I emerge the next day a little bit stronger, and the pain lessens a little bit, too.



Lyrics from a very pretty song by Magnet. Worth a $.99 download.



Nothing Hurts Me Now

There was a time you made me believe
That I'd recieve
Something that would hold,
And wouldn't leave me cold.

And there was a line
You made me cross
So the two of us
Would have the strength to bear
The crosses we couldn't share

But nothing hurts now
That didn't hurt before.
So I won't pretend
That it was the end of the world.
'Cause nothing hurts now.
No...

There was a time
I made you smile.
And for a while
I was beautiful to you.
I was beautiful like you.

But these things often pass,
And for you, they just wouldn't last.
So I was first to know
When you had to go.

But nothing hurts now
That didn't hurt before.
So I won't pretend,
That it was the end of the world,
'Cause nothing hurts now.

No nothing hurts now
That didn't hurt before.
So I won't pretend,
That it was the end of the world,
'Cause nothing hurts now
No nothing hurts now

Sugar withdrawals

Once in a while Dr. Shrink-wrap comes up with a good tip for me for coping with loss in the short run, or with an analogy to help me think about loss differently in the long run. His coping tips have certainly been helpful, and I've put them to good use. He said again that I've made very good progress since last visit (a month ago.) Feels that way to me, too. Mostly.

So yesterday we started the process of digging a bit more into what's going on *underneath* the sense of loss - what is it exactly that I am missing so much, and why is my reaction to a loss so *big*? What need am I really trying to meet, and why is the need so overwhelming that a loss in that area would have such an impact?

I've been pestering him to get to this kind of analysis, and he's finally starting to. I think he wanted to help me with the day-to-day business of hanging on and surviving, first. And that seems more in hand now. So.. here we go - on to the deeper issues. :) Fun! (really - especially for a guy who always wants to know the "why" of things.)

We kicked around a variety of topics, sort of reviewed the vast panorama of my needs and losses, and tried several analogies on for size to help us both understand what all of that feels like to me, and maybe how to deal with it. One of them clicked. Since I have fought latent diabetes, poorly functioning insulin, and sugar intolerance for years now, we landed on that one.

I have sugar cravings. Always have. I remember during my years of studying for actuarial exams after work, I would prowl the meeting room wing of my former office building for leftover doughnuts from the day's meetings, that the cleaning people hadn't gotten to yet. When I found some, it was a genuine high; I felt so good and really wanted to apply myself to study. When I didn't find any, I was depressed and wanted to quit studying altogether. The more I allowed myself to have sweets, though.. the more I wanted them and began to depend on them. :( And, when I eventually went on a sugar fast for two weeks, it was just awful, but.. the cravings lessened considerably. The *need* was lessened.

Just like my body doesn't properly process sugar, and I have to work around that problem with diet (reducing sugar intake) and medication (to assist my insulin in doing its job), so my personality, as it's developed over the years, doesn't process certain emotional inputs properly, either. I need help in dealing with the disappointment that hits when emotional needs aren't met the way I want them to be, or when I lose the main source of how the need used to get met, whether the loss is forced on me by circumstances, or by my voluntarily choosing to get some distance from it. I also have to figure out ways to lessen the need, to reduce the emotional "craving".

Yuk. Reminds me of giving up sugar. It was nasty, didn't feel good at the time, but.. I did feel healthier afterwards, and more.. in control.

I hate the thought of it already. But.. let's get on with it, shall we?

Music Reviews: The Frames, Explosions In The Sky, Fiona Apple, etc.

The Frames, Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova - "Once", "The Cost", & "The Swell Season":

The movie "Once" is now out on DVD, and it's terrific. :) Essentially an Indie musical, the soundtrack has many wonderful songs on it that mentally take you back to certain scenes in the movie. The songs were woven in nearly seamlessly with the movie, and they capture the feel of it well. The soundtrack stands well on its own, but is enhanced by having seen the movie.

Glen Hansard is the lead singer and acoustic guitarist of an Irish rock group called The Frames, who are right up there with U2 as far as musicianship and crowd appeal goes, just absent the hope that U2's Christianity brings to their music. He co-stars in the movie opposite Marketa Irglova, who is a classical pianist just breaking into the pop music scene. Their chemistry on-screen equals that of their music together. Great songs on "Once": Lies, Falling Slowly, The Hill, All The Way Down, If You Want Me, Say It To Me Now, When Your Mind's Made Up; there are no clinkers on the CD at all. Simply great music.

"The Swell Season" features both singers again, and has some fine music cut from the same cloth as that used in the movie. Favorite tracks: Alone Apart, The Swell Season (instrumental), This Low. The duo also resurfaced recently on the Dylan biopic "I'm Not There", doing his You Ain't Going Nowhere, and doing it well.

"The Cost" is Hansard back with The Frames, but again the music sounds much like the "Once" soundtrack, with a couple of duplicated songs, but not many. Excellent album. On many of the tracks, Hansard starts out spare and soft, but the arrangement swells 2/3 of the way through, and crescendos before returning to the soft and spare. Favorite tracks: Rise, Sad Songs, Side You Never Get To See, Song For Someone, True. Two thumbs up for all three CDs, but especially the soundtrack to "Once" - and for the movie. Buy or rent it. :)

Fiona Apple - "Extraordinary Machine": At first I thought.. what the? Plucked violins, bells, bassoon combined with lyrics about coping with the hardness of life. Hm. I don't get it. As I listened again, and again, she sort grew on me. The songs are sometimes quirky, sometimes harsh (mostly on herself), often in the first person and introspective. Interesting. Not the kind of CD you can listen to casually, not a "background" listen. Favorites: the title track, plus Better Version Of Me, Parting Gift. Also really like an old track of hers from the 1996 "Tidal" album - Criminal - and a live track released as a single, the Elvis Costello song I Want You. Both of these last two.. pretty intense. Hard not to stop what you're doing and listen. :) One thumb up.

Explosions In The Sky - "The Earth Is Not A Cold Dead Place" & Others: Great electronic music without a lot of jarring effects. Just good, mellow sound. The captioned CD is excellent on every track (of which there aren't many, but.. each track is long.) I love this stuff for studying to. Their earlier albums also have some good tracks, but you have to pick and choose a bit to avoid ones that are more edgy and disturbing. I like several on "How Strange Innocence", including Magic Hours, A Song For Our Fathers and Remember Me As A Time Of Day. Two thumbs up for "The Earth.." CD. Excellent.

Naomi Streimer - "Images": Saw this Canadian singer at a benefit concert, and hoo boy, can she sing! She's one of those "total packages" that sometimes happens. Pretty as can be, plays piano well, sings great, writes well, and has a sunny disposition. Wow. She's just breaking into the US market and I think will do well. Great CD (not out on iTunes yet) - 17 tracks and no clinkers. Favorites: the title track, Cars, I Know That It's Love, Last Chance. Two thumbs up, for the CD and the artist. :)

Feed My Starving Children

.. was the organization we volunteered for. About 50 people from the church came (out of around 200 who attend each Sunday) - such a good turnout. And after some orientation, we set to work mixing, bagging, weighing, sealing, boxing up what I think of as 6-meal bags of MREs (Meals Ready To Eat - just cook in water.)

They're a balanced carb/protein/fat mixture of rice, soy and vegetables, with chicken flavoring laced with vitamins. All are sent to countries that are impoverished and have high rates of malnutrition, like Haiti, Niger, Indonesia. Our little team of seven (kids & adults) put together over 3000 meals in a little over 2 hours. It was a good way to spend an afternoon with 6 new friends, ensuring that 8 kids will be adequately fed from now until 2009. :)

Vacation - sort of

I get to spend today doing whatever I desire. How fun is that?!? :)

But then again, I've committed to a couple of things: grading papers from my math class, and volunteering (along with others from my church) to boxing up food for people facing malnutrition around the world. Both good things.. so not really cramping my style on a day off.

There's still plenty of time to: go see a movie .. read a book from my ever-growing stack .. watch one of the videos from my Christmas gift pile .. attempt recording some of my cassettes to digital format .. cook a little (make some soup stock from a duck carcass and giblets) .. or whatever.

Should be a good day. Enjoy yours! :)

Kiss & fly

Dropped J1 at the airport today to send her back to California. :( But we had a nice 3 hour drive together back from the extended-family-Christmas-thingie, plus lunch at a great little grungy truckstop diner. She is in a rockabilly/psychobilly phase right now, and the ourvre of the place suited her. ;) Yeah, that's what I mean, mama. Sweet.

It was a nice time at the in-laws, seeing lots of family and doing all the traditional goofy stuff we do. No snow football, though. The younger generation wimped out on us old guys. (I think they knew that they'd kill us..)

So we sang instead. :) J2, me, his cousin Paul and Uncle Carl threw together an acappella vocal jazz version of Jingle Bells, a'la Manhattan Transfer. It went .. um .. fine. ;)

That plus "family band" (cover your ears), presents, toasts with aakavit (skoal!), rullepolse smorgasbord, and pancake breakfast sort of rounded out the day. J2 and I took in a movie, and J1 had "girl talk" time with the younger girl cousins who hung on her every word about men. ;) It was a nice time all around.

Now back home to a driveway full of snow and a broken snowblower. Yuk. Shoveling by hand, I have to get creative to keep from thinking about how much I hate this.. so I tried to make the five bars from the AT&T commercials (or is it Sprint?) in the driveway. I think it turned out looking more like lines of cocaine (ha - like I would know about such things..)

Midnight Mass

..was about the coolest service ever. :)

I've never experienced anything like it. :) From the beautiful sanctuary lighting to the music (combined choirs and bell choir, with tympani and strings), to the dramatic and powerful readings, to the incense waved all around the altar, to the congregation all bringing bells from home and ringing them during the Gloria.. it was so grand.

And when the lights dimmed and the lector read about the Light coming into the world and persisting, undimmed, against the darkness of the world all around us, with the ancient words of the prophet Isaiah ringing through the sanctuary, and the pastor following with his homily along the same lines, it was such a beautiful combination of pageantry and simplicity.. my heart just wanted to break with the beauty of it.

And while I went, as always, so very grateful for mercy, and with my heart full of prayers for those I love and hold dear.. for the first time I began to experience what I understand is core to the Catholic mindset - a sense of communality in our shared journey of faith.

Kneeling in prayer before the service began, my prayers focused less on my heart's preparation and more on the people assembled there - that God would prepare for Himself a people, these people, whose hearts would be open before Him to receive Him and ready for transformation by Him. It was almost pastoral prayer.. as if these people were my charge, under my care.. I wondered at what God was doing in my heart this Christmas for this kind of prayer to come unbidden to my thoughts. I still wonder at it this morning.

And now it's off to see the extended family, and from there to say farewell and Godspeed to the kids as they head back to the home's-not-yet-here-but-no-longer-with-you-either places where they live.

Good Christmas to you, dear reader. May the Light persist, undimmed, through whatever darkness you face this winter. Take heart: joy will come again to you..

and to me.

This is the night

This Christmas night, peace was bestowed upon the whole world; so let no one threaten.

This is the night of the Most Gentle One; let no one be cruel.

This is the night of the Most Humble One; let no one be proud.

Now is the day of joy; let us not revenge.

Now is the day of goodwill; let us not be mean.

In this day of peace let us not be conquered by anger.

Today the Beautiful One impoverished Himself for our sake; so you rich ones, invite the poor to your table.

Today we received a gift for which we did not ask; so let us give alms to those who implore us and beg.

This present day's fast opens the heavenly door to our prayers. Let us open our door to those who ask our forgiveness.

Now the Divine Being took upon Himself the seal of humanity, in order for humanity to be decorated by the seal of Divinity.

----- St. Isaac the Syrian

Attack of the Killer Zombie Cookies..

I think J2's penchant for watching old 1950's horror flicks on cable is getting to me..

What a nice day yesterday.. especially frosting cookies with J1. Fun. :) I finally bowed to her incessant demands year after year of "Daaaaad! You have to frost on the *top* side of the cookies!!" instead of on the correct side - which is, of course, the back.

But but but! I always say... the frosting doesn't run off if you frost the side that laid on the cookie sheet!

Still.. she did fly all the way back from California.. I should play nice. :)







Besides, the regional state map does make more sense if you frost on the top side. ;) (And yes, I know.. wrong state. We'll fix that by next year, when we've driven around this new one a bit more.)

Oh, and not to mention she makes way better cookie art than I do. See?



As for mine, I went with a green and orange motif this year, for.. oh.. sentimental reasons. :) And aww.. didn't the heart turn out nice? ;)


And the gingerbread man is sort of Rothko-esque, don't you think?

grace

.


favor undeserved
the other side of mercy
giving it brings peace


.

God did indeed grant grace. It was a risk well taken. :)

Risk

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.
To weep is to risk being called sentimental.
To reach out to another is to risk involvement.
To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self.
To place your ideas, your dreams in front of a crowd is to risk being called naive.
To love is to risk not being loved in return.
To live is to risk dying.
To hope is to risk despair.
To try is to risk failure.

But risks must be taken because the greatest risk in life is to risk nothing. The person who risks nothing does nothing, has nothing and becomes nothing. He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love and live. Chained by his certitudes, he is a slave, he has forfeited his freedom. Only the person who risks is truly free.

----- Janet Rand


I took risks with people yesterday. But they were risks worth taking, for the sake of openness.. for the sake of love.. for the sake of a hope for the future together. May God grant understanding.. and grace.

Better today

.


decorated tree
presents scattered all around
snow gently falling


.



It was lovely to wake to thick flakes drifting to ground, and have my morning coffee near the tree (yes, D found it, along with a box of decorations), and listen to tracks from J1's freshly uploaded Christmas CDs (Ella and Frank. Why didn't I have those?)

Now the women are off to the hairstylist, giving me a chance to wrap - and blog. :) J2 is still sleeping. No surprise there. ;)

Leftovers for lunch. Mmmm.. real *home* food. :) And maybe a movie later, after Mass.

No agenda today. It's nice.

What are you up to, I wonder?

Back home again..

.. to some friendly surroundings and faces. Including two faces I haven't seen in .. well, just way too long. Welcome back, chilluns. :)

It was a long trip, with even longer drives this time. Some parts of this trip felt.. oh.. I don't know.. it's hard to put into words. Like I was where I thought I should be, but.. wasn't. Wanted, but.. not. :(

Plus the doctor visit was tough this time. And almost all of it felt.. just plain lonesome.

I don't know.. maybe I'm just tired. Somehow I wish it were... 5 years from now or something.

So I'm looking forward to being off work, off the road, and surrounded with people I love for a few days. I think I need it.

I think I need Christmas.

Meet and Greets

... by big cheeses in from out of town, business dinners with the same, last-second meetings (rescheduled 3 times), projects suddenly popping up in priority, working through lunch to meet a new deadline, drive-by delegation by your boss, online systems locking down for year end maintenance, holiday candy and cookies on decorated tables down every hallway (and more boxed Swiss chocolate than I've ever seen in my life), new software being pushed out to users, bringing visits from Microsoft's "blue screen of death", passwords expiring and resetting, drop-in visitors wanting to just kill time between meetings (*my* time!), lengthy meetings devoted to priority setting but without any conclusions, and coffee coffee and more coffee.

Yup, a typical week in the home office setting. Very much like 1000+ other such weeks I've known. Having my office at home has eliminated about 1/3 of this stuff, and it's really making a difference in my ability to tolerate this profession for a while longer.

It's the one-week-a-month that I have to spend down here in KC that reminds me of how glad I am that I didn't take the higher salary they used as bait to try to get me to work out of the main office, but stayed in the Twin Cities instead. :)

And while dinner *was* nice (potato/leek/basil soup, striped sea bass, asparagus spears wrapped in prosciutto, garlic/tarragon flan, and creme caramel for dessert) I'm beginning to have the confidence that I could have done just as well with it in my own kitchen! :) And I would definitely not have paired the garlic and tarragon.. ehhh. I don't think it worked.

I can't wait to set out driving today, even if it's not straight home. Let me out, and back on the road! Cheese curds at Culver's await! Now *that's* haute cuisine. ;)

One story

"Only the good stories have the characters different at the end than they were in the beginning. And the closest thing I can liken life to is a book, the way it stretches out on paper, page after page, as if to trick the mind into thinking it isn't all happening at once.

"Time has pressed you and me into a book, too, this tiny chapter we share together, this vapor of a scene, pulling seconds into minutes and minutes into hours. Everything we were is no more, and what we will become, will become what was."

"It's a living book, this life; it folds out in a million settings, cast with a billion beautiful characters, and it is almost over for you. It doesn't matter how old you are; it is coming to a close quickly, and soon the credits will roll and all your friends will fold out of your funeral and drive back to their homes in cold and still and silence. And they will make a fire and pour some wine and think about how you once were . . . and feel a kind of sickness at the idea you never again will be.

"So soon you will be in that part of the book where you are holding the bulk of the pages with your left hand, and only a thin wisp of the story in your right. You will know by the page count, not by the narrative, that the Author is wrapping things up. You begin to mourn its ending, and want to pace yourself slowly toward its closure, knowing the last lines will speak of something beautiful, of the end of something long and earned, and you hope the thing closes out like last breaths, like whispers about how much and who the characters have come to love, and how authentic the sentiments feel when they have earned a hundred pages of qualification.

"We only have one story, you and I, and one story alone."



-----Donald Miller, Through Painted Deserts

adjusting

.


things don't stay the same
how to keep from sorrowing
when you miss what was


.

Music Reviews: Esthero, Matchbox Twenty, Sara Bareilles, etc.

Since I'm about to get in the car for a 6 day trip to KC (and elsewhere - to get my regular checkup with my endocrinologist), I'll have lots of windshield time to review music, so.. I'd best get some of these up and posted. They're accumulating (as is my iTunes bill!)

But before we start.. a brief detour into the odd stuff one can find on the internet:

What

the

heck?

It's a sure sign that soccer is a truly global sport, when it's even being played by other..

species. :)



And with that.. let's get back to the mainstream:

Matchbox Twenty - "Exile on Mainstream": a greatest hits album plus 6 new tracks (essentially a bonus EP) included. I knew these guys were popular, having gotten lots of radio play over the last few years, but had only really paid attention to a couple of their songs. I think I should have been playing closer attention. :) Nice strong pop sound, good hooks, catchy tunes, solid instrumental backing and a decently interesting lead vocal. I like it! Really strong album for the price, too. :) Favorites: I'll Believe You When, How Far We've Come, These Hard Times, If I Fall, Can't Let You Go, Bent, If You're Gone, Bright Lights. Thumbs up!

Sara Bareilles - "Little Voice": Ha. *Hardly* little. :) Great voice. Gravity - a great song with some very thoughtful lyrics (and ones I can understand.) But that's not the only winner on the disc. Love Song is catchy and pop-y with the piano as truly a percussion instrument, setting a strong chordal beat. Also good are Between The Lines, Love on the Rocks, Many the Miles, but really not a bad track on the CD. Thumbs up for Sara B.

Esthero - "Breath From Another": This girl sounds a lot like Emiliana Torrini, or like Sade or Sia. And sort of Jazz/Funk, or.. what is it called? Trip-hop? Down Tempo? Oy! So many genres to keep track of! Too many niches in music now. Leads to mass customization on internet radio, which is cool, but.. who do you pick to listen to? Everybody sounds like someone else in some way. Too many choices.. just put the whole playlist on random shuffle and let 'er go!

Sorry for the rant, there. So.. Esthero.. good in a playlist of similar modern girl singers (which I do have, and play often.) Stirring and soothing at the same time. It's sort of what I think of anyway when it comes to.. oh, never mind. ;) This is a music review. Focus, Bob.

I like best her tracks sung softly with a Funk/Latin feel, like: Anywayz, Country Livin', Half a World Away, Lounge, Superheroes. I don't at all like the title track on this CD - it strays outside the bounds of what I might listen to in mixed company. Another track, Flipper Overture, is only 44 seconds. On the other end of the spectrum is Swallow Me, 15 minutes long, because there's 5 minutes of silence in it waiting for a hidden track to come up that isn't worth the wait. :( A track of hers that isn't on this CD, but is very much worth a download, is Every Day Is A Holiday With You. Nice. :) Anyway, one thumb up for this CD. I'd pick and choose the tracks.

Jem - "Finally Woken": Pretty, pleasant little album, light and easy romantic female vocals over electronic music background. Nothing real stunning, nothing quirky, but all pretty enjoyable to listen to. Some uptempo, some light & pop-y, some slow grooves. All are love songs in some way or other. Another good addition to the "modern girls" playlist. No real standouts, but no bad tracks either. Favorites: Flying High :) , Save Me, Stay Now (mmhmm) , They, Wish I, Falling For You. Thumbs up.

Nick Drake - "Pink Moon": Old, old, old (from my era!) But good. This is really an exception to the rule of staying within the last decade, but this guy played guitar and sang in such a way that he really was ahead of his time. This album from 1972 sounds like it could have been produced this year. Only very occasionally does he sound Dylanesque (From The Morning sounds like Dylan's Don't Think Twice, It's Alright), or like the occasional spare acoustic pieces of Led Zeppelin (Parasite).

But mostly you can hear the kind of chord progressions very common to today's music (when you hear Which Will, think Iron & Wine). I don't remember ever hearing of him back in the day, but it's probably because he sounded like nothing else being played back then. He sounds like today. All good tracks. Favorites: From The Morning, Know, Parasite, Place To Be, Road, Things Behind The Sun, Which Will. Two thumbs up on this surprising vintage album. :)

And now.. to hit the road. Always a bit of an adventure.. with sometimes a surprise or two on the way. :)

Who knows what (or where) it will be this time?

Who's Got The Monkey?

Waaaaay back in the early 90's, a couple of work buddies of mine (one of whom was even more competitive and ambitious and cocky than I was - the snot!) and I used to joke about getting the monkey to jump.

The idea was, when someone had a work problem, and didn't want to deal with it, they looked for someone either more junior than they (or more of a sucker for a sad tale) to see if they could get the monkey to jump off their back and onto the other person's.

If they were successful, then the person who took on the responsibility (wound up with the monkey) was the loser, and the person who got rid of the difficult assignment (got the monkey to jump) was the winner. It was a status thing.

Jeff always seemed to have a knack for getting the monkey to jump off of him, or for avoiding the monkey someone else was jettisoning. Me.. I got the monkey a fair amount. Softie.. :( Jeff's out of that career now, doing what he wants to do, and I'm... still plugging away.

So due to some very difficult circumstances this week, in the life of someone close to me, I got to thinking about this idea again. And I wondered.. does this same thing apply in people's personal lives?

Sure. It's kind of what the victim mentality is all about. My problems are really someone *else's* fault and *they* should take the blame. My stresses should be borne by someone else because they're too much for me, and if they don't take on my problem, they don't really love me.

As I talk with Dr. Shrink-wrap, he sometimes takes me back to my parents, my brother.. and I would love to think that yes, how I am today is all their fault, and they should own up to it and help me fix things now. If they loved me, they'd see that.

But, of course, in about 2 seconds I dump that whole idea because..

they're all dead.

What are they gonna do?

Neither admit fault nor render assistance, that's for sure.

Nor are the kids who were so brutal to me in jr. & sr. high, or the employers in whom I mistakenly placed my trust. All past and gone - no relationships left.

So who has to deal with how things are?

Me.

And that's okay. That's how it should be.

But for those who still have parents around, siblings around, or spouses or old lovers or old friends or past teachers or previous bosses or whomever may have hurt them.. should they be trying to get their monkeys to jump, just because these people are still living?

Of course not. They should see themselves in the same situation as one whose past is.. truly.. past and done. As mine is. They should play the hand they've been dealt and make the best of it they can, not ask someone else to play it for them.

I have certainly learned in the last few years that no one will play my hand for me, live my life for me, protect my interests at every turn.. nor should they. That's my place to do, not theirs. It's my monkey, not theirs. And FTM, I say..

The corollary to that is, though (and this is what's hard for me to remember), is that if I shouldn't be trying to get my monkeys to jump, neither should I agree to play someone else's hand, live someone else's life, protect someone else's interests at every turn.. for really, someday, I won't be here.. and then who will deal with life for them?

There's a point at which we all need to grow up, and deal with our own monkeys.. but not by getting them to jump to someone else.

Help I'll give, but I won't take ownership.