Went to church this morning at a Baptist General Conference congegation (http://www.calvarychurch.us/) about 15 min. south. They have a "blended" service and a "contemporary" one, as well as a sister church closer by with only one service, "contemporary." The blended one this morning was more traditional, with use of the organ, hymns from the hymnal, a small choir, etc. From the demographics of it, it appeared to be the "old people's" service. And, um.. no smart remarks, please. ;)
From the very beginning of the service, I found myself noticing the differences between it and the Masses I've attended recently. I instinctively looked to pull the kneeler out, so that I could prepare my heart for worship and pray privately a bit before things got started. Instead people used the time to chat and greet, the way they always do in Evangelical churches. :) I wanted to dip my fingers in the water as I entered and make that sign of consecration, wanted to touch down on one knee as I entered the sanctuary to acknowlege coming into the presence of the Holy with other believers. I missed the attitudes of solemnity, of reverence, of penitence, of humility and of contemplation that I've been so aware of at Mass.
But boy, could they sing at this place! Loud, and good (for a bunch of old folks.) And I do so love the harmony on the hymns and choruses. Why don't Catholics harmonize??? It drives me crazy! Okay, during the liturgy there's maybe not so much place for it, but on the responses and the hymns? C'mon! Sing out! :)
And definitely livelier music, even at a traditional service. The choir today was only 8 voices, but were they good! They sounded like 20. And for the special music (solo) number, they backed up the soloist doing a black gospel song, and goodness me, a bunch of white folks almost made it sound authentic. ;) All those open 5ths... all they needed was synchronized swaying... but that's asking a little too much for people of Scandanavian heritage. :)
Hm. I was certainly aware of the Evangelical dress code being in force. Business casual was the order of the day. Oops. Left my dockers and polo shirt at home, sorry... :( I only got 2 open stares at my shorts, sandals and t-shirt ensemble (hey, it all matched!), so.. they were fairly cool about it.
The sermon was the usual content-driven powerpoint presentation, with the feel of a formal seminar. This is in contrast to the Catholic homilies I've heard recently which were much more like an intimate conversation, or a casual devotional talk. I think that's because the content (both the Word and theology) is embedded in the liturgy, bible reading and prayers. They *are* rich that way. Prayer in the Evangelical church is ... not as content-rich, but more ... familiar and intimate with God. The emphasis on intimacy is kind of reversed for preaching and prayer. :)
I did feel like a spectator most of the time today, which is an old familiar feeling for me, whereas I've not once felt like that at Mass. I've felt clueless at Mass, yes, but never like a spectator. There's way too much participation to be able to sit back and let people "perform" for you. All the responses (spoken and sung), praying out loud, reciting creeds, singing before and after various stuff (yes, in unison, but there's still a *lot* of singing), kneeling, standing, sitting, walking, touching, gesturing... you're busy in Mass! :)
Similarities? Mostly in the theology, surprisingly. The core stuff in the Mass is ... core! You have the occasional reference to saints/Mary, but really very little of that. The whole thing points to Jesus and to our relationship with God through Him. I haven't found myself balking at anything you say or sing there, except maybe 2 phrases. And there's at least that much that I balk at in the Evangelical church, too - especially in the lyrics to some of the choruses. "Yes! Lord, Yes! Lord, Yes! Yes! Lord!" Ugh. Give me a break...
So, for now at least, it will be Mass for me at 4:30 on Saturdays, and Evangelical worship with D on Sunday mornings.
Now, if I could just get the Catholics to sing "Great is Thy Faithfulness" and harmonize! :)
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Not mixed emotions after all
Here's what I will tell my recruiter when we talk next.
I will not accept an offer to move to Kansas City. I will, however, consider one as a telecommuter. But will also continue the interview processes underway elsewhere.
For one, they don't need me to supervise anybody directly. They need technical product expertise (which I have) and relationship building with the heads of a few businesses (which I can do.) Those business heads are all over the country. I can do this from here.
Second, KC has no appeal to me at all, having spent 48 hours there. Yawn. It doesn't compare favorably with here.
Now, the remaining question is.. do I *want* to do this job, or is it merely a means to an end? (the end being finishing grad school, getting our financial situation ready for a career transition, and ... doing it gradually with less shock to the system)
On the surface, that makes some sense..
I will not accept an offer to move to Kansas City. I will, however, consider one as a telecommuter. But will also continue the interview processes underway elsewhere.
For one, they don't need me to supervise anybody directly. They need technical product expertise (which I have) and relationship building with the heads of a few businesses (which I can do.) Those business heads are all over the country. I can do this from here.
Second, KC has no appeal to me at all, having spent 48 hours there. Yawn. It doesn't compare favorably with here.
Now, the remaining question is.. do I *want* to do this job, or is it merely a means to an end? (the end being finishing grad school, getting our financial situation ready for a career transition, and ... doing it gradually with less shock to the system)
On the surface, that makes some sense..
Friday, July 27, 2007
Exhausted
from a day of interviews. :(
Not that they were difficult, but.. I've done this so many times over the years that it seems like an acting job. You know, the house lights go down, the curtain goes up, the spotlight hits you and... "Yeah, baby! I know what to say, I know what to do to wow you. What do you think of this!"
But, now that I'm offstage.. I will benefit from the 7 hour drive back tomorrow to think, process what I heard, consider my fit with the place and the people.
So far.. mixed emotions. But that may be the fatigue talking.
It's time for some beer and BBQ!
Not that they were difficult, but.. I've done this so many times over the years that it seems like an acting job. You know, the house lights go down, the curtain goes up, the spotlight hits you and... "Yeah, baby! I know what to say, I know what to do to wow you. What do you think of this!"
But, now that I'm offstage.. I will benefit from the 7 hour drive back tomorrow to think, process what I heard, consider my fit with the place and the people.
So far.. mixed emotions. But that may be the fatigue talking.
It's time for some beer and BBQ!
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Drive, drive, drive
Tomorrow I'll be driving 7 hours south for a dayful of interviews the next day, then driving back another 7 hours on Saturday.
A week from tomorrow I'll be driving about 4 hours east for a dayful of interviews the next day, then driving ... somewhere ... that night. It might be back here, or.. South another 2 hours.
In between these trips, on Sunday night, I'll have a 2nd phone interview with the little company 5 hours SE of here, this time with the CEO. And if that goes well and they invite me in for a face-face.. it might be on Monday the 6th, and I'll spend the weekend somewhere.. in the vicinity. We'll see.
And while all this is going on... I still have no mental grid through which to evaluate what, if any, offers may come. How do I even evaluate the choices? Will I have any? If no offers are forthcoming, that certainly pushes us toward Path B - grad school and starting over. The campus-apartment part and the job-with-benefits part of that path are secured.
I'm afraid I'll be pushed along by circumstances. For some people, that's just fine, drifting with the current of life. Not me... I want to choose! But on what basis?
A week from tomorrow I'll be driving about 4 hours east for a dayful of interviews the next day, then driving ... somewhere ... that night. It might be back here, or.. South another 2 hours.
In between these trips, on Sunday night, I'll have a 2nd phone interview with the little company 5 hours SE of here, this time with the CEO. And if that goes well and they invite me in for a face-face.. it might be on Monday the 6th, and I'll spend the weekend somewhere.. in the vicinity. We'll see.
And while all this is going on... I still have no mental grid through which to evaluate what, if any, offers may come. How do I even evaluate the choices? Will I have any? If no offers are forthcoming, that certainly pushes us toward Path B - grad school and starting over. The campus-apartment part and the job-with-benefits part of that path are secured.
I'm afraid I'll be pushed along by circumstances. For some people, that's just fine, drifting with the current of life. Not me... I want to choose! But on what basis?
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
What's cooking?
Um... chicken alfredo?
And this time I got to experiment with the sauce, and tweak the recipe to my liking. :) Added a teaspoon of minced onion and a 1/4 t. black pepper. Muuuuch better. More wax beans (nearly finished), some fresh strawberries from the farmer's market for dessert. Fresh flowers on the table from there, too.
On the job front, D's first day was today. But oh.. the benefits are *not* immediate. 30 days. :( Rats! Now I have to call the pharmacy and cancel the drugs. And also no psychobabble (that's me blathering to a shrink - excuse me, therapist) for a month at least. I suppose I'll last that long. ;)
Also on the job front, had another phone interview today, this time with a little company about 4 hours southeast of here. A big fish in a small pond kind of position, reporting to the CEO, setting up a new actuarial department. They seem nice, and want me to come down for an in-person interview soon. Working on dates for that..
And Thursday AM... I'm off to Missouri for the better part of three days. Wonder where that will lead? I'd like to think it would lead to a telecommuting role that I'd like, and allow us to stay put, but.. first the interview, *then* the offer. That's usually how it works.
And this time I got to experiment with the sauce, and tweak the recipe to my liking. :) Added a teaspoon of minced onion and a 1/4 t. black pepper. Muuuuch better. More wax beans (nearly finished), some fresh strawberries from the farmer's market for dessert. Fresh flowers on the table from there, too.
On the job front, D's first day was today. But oh.. the benefits are *not* immediate. 30 days. :( Rats! Now I have to call the pharmacy and cancel the drugs. And also no psychobabble (that's me blathering to a shrink - excuse me, therapist) for a month at least. I suppose I'll last that long. ;)
Also on the job front, had another phone interview today, this time with a little company about 4 hours southeast of here. A big fish in a small pond kind of position, reporting to the CEO, setting up a new actuarial department. They seem nice, and want me to come down for an in-person interview soon. Working on dates for that..
And Thursday AM... I'm off to Missouri for the better part of three days. Wonder where that will lead? I'd like to think it would lead to a telecommuting role that I'd like, and allow us to stay put, but.. first the interview, *then* the offer. That's usually how it works.
Monday, July 23, 2007
A New Routine?
Well. This is different.
With D going back to work for the first time since children... how do we divide the housework?
She starts tomorrow and as of yet doesn't know her schedule. 10 to 6? 8 to 4? Floating from week to week?
So we are negotiating new responsibilities around here. And neither of us remember how we used to do this, either.
What's mine now? Do I get the kitchen & food prep? That might make sense. And I liked making dinner last night, and do fine with that when I'm alone. Bathrooms? Laundry? All those are okay with me. Just don't ask me to dust. Ick. Or iron; too much potential for damage..
It's easier now because I'm still unemployed, but... if and when that changes - we negotiate again, I think.
Hm.
With D going back to work for the first time since children... how do we divide the housework?
She starts tomorrow and as of yet doesn't know her schedule. 10 to 6? 8 to 4? Floating from week to week?
So we are negotiating new responsibilities around here. And neither of us remember how we used to do this, either.
What's mine now? Do I get the kitchen & food prep? That might make sense. And I liked making dinner last night, and do fine with that when I'm alone. Bathrooms? Laundry? All those are okay with me. Just don't ask me to dust. Ick. Or iron; too much potential for damage..
It's easier now because I'm still unemployed, but... if and when that changes - we negotiate again, I think.
Hm.
Sunday, July 22, 2007
That's soooo random!
ohhhh, no, it's not!
It's not random, just... unexpected.
Driving back from the grocery store yesterday I was going over the notion of randomness (or rather, apparent randomness) in advance of my upcoming lecture Monday night on probability. And people use that phrase today "that was really random" to describe what is really something they just didn't expect. Randomness is a convenient mental construct we use to help us explain why things happen unpredictably, or perhaps in semi-predictable patterns. But the things that happen to us that we think about that way - aren't really random.
We live in a very deterministic universe. Cause produces effect. Precisely. The only reason things *appear* random to us is that we don't have perfect information about either the initial conditions, nor the actions of the forces coming to bear on those conditions. If we had perfect information on both... we could predict everything. But we don't, so we can predict... nothing.
Even the act of shuffling/dealing cards or flipping coins or rolling dice, which we all universally think of as random processes, are not random at all. The actions of our hands on the cards, coins or dice MAKE them do what they do (in cooperation with air pressure, temperature, weight, texture of surfaces, etc.) They are merely responding to those actions. If we could duplicate those initial conditions and those actions precisely, the outcome would be the same every time. But we can't, so it's not.
What we call randomness is really variation in initial conditions and actions of forces. Since we can't quantify the variation, we throw up our hands and say "it's random." But even the shuffle program in your iPod isn't random. It's a mathematical algorithm with enough built-in variation that will appear to produce a different order every time. But it isn't random; it's deterministic. Everything is.
Everything is deterministic. But not everything is expected.
Most things are unexpected. And some... are more unexpected than others. As Mark Twain once said about Adam, when you see the sun come up in the morning a few times in a row, you pretty much assume it will do that every day. :) And we get into a routine of expecting certain things to continue. Like your engine starting when you turn the key. Power being there when you flip a switch. Continued employment. Health. Friendship. Love.
When some things that we come to expect aren't there any more... we look for reasons. When something highly variable (like weather in New England, or a woman's mood.. oops, sorry) changes often, we don't think much about it and chalk it up to either inherent unpredictability or randomness (or plain old perversity) depending on our view of the world. But when a stable process changes suddenly, there has to be a reason! Like Tiger Woods misses the cut in a major! Something's wrong and needs fixing. The highly unexpected event throws us for a loop, forces us to reevaluate if things are really as stable and predictable as we thought.
The priest this morning used the example of the visitors from God sent to Abraham (under the terebinth tree at Mamre) to announce that he and Sarah would conceive. Which, by the way.. caused it to dawn on me that this is really the OT version of the Annunciation to Mary. Sarah just had a very different response to it. ;) Wonder why I never saw that before...
What a disruption that event caused! Life got very different for Abraham and Sarah after that. Unexpectedly so. The Gospel reading for the day described a similar unexpected experience for Martha when Jesus visited her (and Mary and Lazarus) and told her that, contrary to custom, women ought to stop serving so much and come sit and listen to the Teacher with the men. Also very unexpected.
The priest then went on to talk about how God uses the unexpected (which He has ordained to happen - deterministic, but unpredictable because we don't know His mind and will much of the time) to stir up our lives and make us reevaluate whether certain things we do and think are a pattern we should cling to... or abandon for something new (and scary.)
Job loss, health loss, loss of loved one, crisis of faith, you name it... God uses these things to stir the pot of soup we call life, and add new ingredients, in order to (I suppose..) make it better. That's where faith comes in, I guess. Trusting that He knows His way around our kitchen.. and is the Master Chef, better than we will ever be.
(sigh)
Yeah, yeah. I get it. I don't like it, but I get it. :)
Oh, and... I keep learning stuff. Today's mass was mostly from the same mass (and there is apparently more than one mass, varying mostly in style, not content) as the church used last week, something called the Mass of Angels and Saints, or some such? I like it. Lots of 3/4 time, good use of minor keys, simple and catchy melodies. Just... no harmony anywhere! Do Catholics not do harmony?
And I'm amazed at what's in their... do they use the word hymnal? Service book? Whatever it is.. the hardbound thing with all the songs in it. Lots of stuff by Wesley and revivalists, some by the old reformers (!) even. Ha - they actually used one called "Sing of the Lord's Goodness" that was in 5/4 time! I've never heard anything in church done in 5/4. I thought Dave Brubeck was at the piano! ;)
And oh... they used one of my very favorite melodies (the old Irish tune Shane), but with different words than I ever sang before. They called it "Lord of All Hopefulness", but I know it as "Be Thou My Vision", and couldn't help but sing to myself my favorite verses:
Riches I need not, nor man's empty praise
Thou mine inheritance, now and always
Thou and Thou only first in my heart
High king of heaven my treasure Thou art
High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.
And that pretty much did it for me. :) It was during the preparation of the gifts, and it didn't take long for the priest to get to the line in the Communion service that cuts me to the heart whenever I hear it. He adapts the Roman Centurion's words to Jesus: "Lord I am not worthy for you to come into my house; but just say the word and my servant shall be healed." He (and the congregation) personalizes it.. "I am not worthy to receive you.. but just say the word and I will be healed..", and that's when my cheeks get wet. I just.. can't help it. Such great grace and such infinite mercy. And ... toward such a one as I.
So undeserved, it almost seems like "God, that's so random of you! Why me of all people?"
And He says: it's not random, son, it's determined. Ordained.
But at the same time, so very very... unexpected. :)
It's not random, just... unexpected.
Driving back from the grocery store yesterday I was going over the notion of randomness (or rather, apparent randomness) in advance of my upcoming lecture Monday night on probability. And people use that phrase today "that was really random" to describe what is really something they just didn't expect. Randomness is a convenient mental construct we use to help us explain why things happen unpredictably, or perhaps in semi-predictable patterns. But the things that happen to us that we think about that way - aren't really random.
We live in a very deterministic universe. Cause produces effect. Precisely. The only reason things *appear* random to us is that we don't have perfect information about either the initial conditions, nor the actions of the forces coming to bear on those conditions. If we had perfect information on both... we could predict everything. But we don't, so we can predict... nothing.
Even the act of shuffling/dealing cards or flipping coins or rolling dice, which we all universally think of as random processes, are not random at all. The actions of our hands on the cards, coins or dice MAKE them do what they do (in cooperation with air pressure, temperature, weight, texture of surfaces, etc.) They are merely responding to those actions. If we could duplicate those initial conditions and those actions precisely, the outcome would be the same every time. But we can't, so it's not.
What we call randomness is really variation in initial conditions and actions of forces. Since we can't quantify the variation, we throw up our hands and say "it's random." But even the shuffle program in your iPod isn't random. It's a mathematical algorithm with enough built-in variation that will appear to produce a different order every time. But it isn't random; it's deterministic. Everything is.
Everything is deterministic. But not everything is expected.
Most things are unexpected. And some... are more unexpected than others. As Mark Twain once said about Adam, when you see the sun come up in the morning a few times in a row, you pretty much assume it will do that every day. :) And we get into a routine of expecting certain things to continue. Like your engine starting when you turn the key. Power being there when you flip a switch. Continued employment. Health. Friendship. Love.
When some things that we come to expect aren't there any more... we look for reasons. When something highly variable (like weather in New England, or a woman's mood.. oops, sorry) changes often, we don't think much about it and chalk it up to either inherent unpredictability or randomness (or plain old perversity) depending on our view of the world. But when a stable process changes suddenly, there has to be a reason! Like Tiger Woods misses the cut in a major! Something's wrong and needs fixing. The highly unexpected event throws us for a loop, forces us to reevaluate if things are really as stable and predictable as we thought.
The priest this morning used the example of the visitors from God sent to Abraham (under the terebinth tree at Mamre) to announce that he and Sarah would conceive. Which, by the way.. caused it to dawn on me that this is really the OT version of the Annunciation to Mary. Sarah just had a very different response to it. ;) Wonder why I never saw that before...
What a disruption that event caused! Life got very different for Abraham and Sarah after that. Unexpectedly so. The Gospel reading for the day described a similar unexpected experience for Martha when Jesus visited her (and Mary and Lazarus) and told her that, contrary to custom, women ought to stop serving so much and come sit and listen to the Teacher with the men. Also very unexpected.
The priest then went on to talk about how God uses the unexpected (which He has ordained to happen - deterministic, but unpredictable because we don't know His mind and will much of the time) to stir up our lives and make us reevaluate whether certain things we do and think are a pattern we should cling to... or abandon for something new (and scary.)
Job loss, health loss, loss of loved one, crisis of faith, you name it... God uses these things to stir the pot of soup we call life, and add new ingredients, in order to (I suppose..) make it better. That's where faith comes in, I guess. Trusting that He knows His way around our kitchen.. and is the Master Chef, better than we will ever be.
(sigh)
Yeah, yeah. I get it. I don't like it, but I get it. :)
Oh, and... I keep learning stuff. Today's mass was mostly from the same mass (and there is apparently more than one mass, varying mostly in style, not content) as the church used last week, something called the Mass of Angels and Saints, or some such? I like it. Lots of 3/4 time, good use of minor keys, simple and catchy melodies. Just... no harmony anywhere! Do Catholics not do harmony?
And I'm amazed at what's in their... do they use the word hymnal? Service book? Whatever it is.. the hardbound thing with all the songs in it. Lots of stuff by Wesley and revivalists, some by the old reformers (!) even. Ha - they actually used one called "Sing of the Lord's Goodness" that was in 5/4 time! I've never heard anything in church done in 5/4. I thought Dave Brubeck was at the piano! ;)
And oh... they used one of my very favorite melodies (the old Irish tune Shane), but with different words than I ever sang before. They called it "Lord of All Hopefulness", but I know it as "Be Thou My Vision", and couldn't help but sing to myself my favorite verses:
Riches I need not, nor man's empty praise
Thou mine inheritance, now and always
Thou and Thou only first in my heart
High king of heaven my treasure Thou art
High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.
And that pretty much did it for me. :) It was during the preparation of the gifts, and it didn't take long for the priest to get to the line in the Communion service that cuts me to the heart whenever I hear it. He adapts the Roman Centurion's words to Jesus: "Lord I am not worthy for you to come into my house; but just say the word and my servant shall be healed." He (and the congregation) personalizes it.. "I am not worthy to receive you.. but just say the word and I will be healed..", and that's when my cheeks get wet. I just.. can't help it. Such great grace and such infinite mercy. And ... toward such a one as I.
So undeserved, it almost seems like "God, that's so random of you! Why me of all people?"
And He says: it's not random, son, it's determined. Ordained.
But at the same time, so very very... unexpected. :)
Saturday, July 21, 2007
Variations on a theme
Just to show you all that I can change things up now and then in this dull routine called unemployment, the meals today consisted of:
Breakfast: 2 Big Macs, less 4 of the 6 bun pieces, water, half a dark chocolate bar.
Lunch: Progresso Chicken Barley soup, torilla chips w/nacho dip, and a lite beer (Miller's new Chill brand - made with lime and salt. mmm.)
Dinner: Liverwurst on wheat with sliced muenster and miracle whip, second half of the chocolate bar, fresh brewed ginger peach tea over ice to chase various medications and vitamins.
So there! That oughtta show ya. Yours truly is no slave to routine.
Okay, so it's a little light on the vegetables. I'll make up for that tomorrow. Fresh green and wax beans. Served together for color. :)
Oh, the bottle of wine tonight will be... maple, aged 4 years. Goodness knows what that will be like, even properly chilled.
Highlight of the day: having a stone chip in my windshield repaired, inside my garage. $65 for 10 min. work courtesy of Liberty Mutual Insurance. Huh.
Project for the day: grading quizzes, preparing answers to next week's homework. Yawn.
See? I can vary the routine. A little.
P.S. Thanks to D getting employed, as of Tuesday we have benefits again! Yay! That means I can get more drugs and go visit a shrink. ;)
Breakfast: 2 Big Macs, less 4 of the 6 bun pieces, water, half a dark chocolate bar.
Lunch: Progresso Chicken Barley soup, torilla chips w/nacho dip, and a lite beer (Miller's new Chill brand - made with lime and salt. mmm.)
Dinner: Liverwurst on wheat with sliced muenster and miracle whip, second half of the chocolate bar, fresh brewed ginger peach tea over ice to chase various medications and vitamins.
So there! That oughtta show ya. Yours truly is no slave to routine.
Okay, so it's a little light on the vegetables. I'll make up for that tomorrow. Fresh green and wax beans. Served together for color. :)
Oh, the bottle of wine tonight will be... maple, aged 4 years. Goodness knows what that will be like, even properly chilled.
Highlight of the day: having a stone chip in my windshield repaired, inside my garage. $65 for 10 min. work courtesy of Liberty Mutual Insurance. Huh.
Project for the day: grading quizzes, preparing answers to next week's homework. Yawn.
See? I can vary the routine. A little.
P.S. Thanks to D getting employed, as of Tuesday we have benefits again! Yay! That means I can get more drugs and go visit a shrink. ;)
Friday, July 20, 2007
Sicko
My grandpa Bill had an iron behemoth in his barn known as a threshing machine. It looked like a slapped together steel dinosaur sculpture when at rest, but when he fired it up, it was an incredibly noisy whirlwind of a device that flapped, spun and exhaled so much dust and racket you thought the barn would collapse on top of you just prior to suffocation.
That machine certainly made an impression on a pre-adolescent boy. But something else having to do with that machine made an even greater impression, that still lingers today. The neighboring farmers of my granpda's generation would get together and harvest each others' fields and then take turns using the thresher to winnow the grain. They all went from one field to another and did the harvesting collectively, though each farmer only ran his own grain through the thresher - it wasn't collectivism as such, just neighbors pooling resources to help each other out.
Grandpa's generation was the last one to do this. The younger farmers all bought their own combines and did their own harvesting, and... each went into debt to do so. Hm. They became dependent on a lender to become independent of their neighbors. Trading interdependence - for independence, but with dependence, too.. Grandpa's was also the last generation who did barn-raisings when a new farm family was starting out near them, or a fire had destroyed a neighbor's barn. They pitched in, gave of themselves, and knew - knew! - that their neighbors would do the same for them.
My Dad wasn't a farmer, rather a cheesemaker turned insurance salesman. But he had a similar idea about insurance that he shared with me as a teenager when I was wondering what I ought to do in life. He told me about why insurance was such a good thing, a humanitarian thing. It went back to the fraternal mutuals and the little town mutuals and why they were formed - to spread the risk. Everybody gave a little to protect against a lot. One kind sold life insurance and one fire insurance. But they were companies *not* owned by stockholders, *not* run by wall street investors. They were owned by the policy-holders, the customers. And that's how they were run - like mutual benefit societies. At least... in my Dad's day they were. And even up until 2000... I had worked for one who still thought that way. Until they were bought by one who didn't.
Now even the mutual companies are trying to act like stock companies, to compete. They compete for capital, market share, customer loyalty... as if they were independent of their policyholder owners. Trading interdependence with their customers for dependence on the capital markets and independence from their policyholders. Abandoning their roots for being... modern. Sounds familiar.
This week I saw Michael Moore's new movie, Sicko - an expose' of the American health care industry... and what it says about us as a culture. I didn't intend to be moved, I didn't intend for tears to escape. Imagine! Me, once a card-carrying member of the Libertarian party, silently weeping at a Michael Moore movie. What's wrong with me? Or maybe.. what's right with me all of a sudden?
Now I admit I haven't listened to Rush in about 2 years, haven't read a publication by the Christian Coalition for probably 3 years, haven't heard a public policy statement by James Dobson for 15 months or so, haven't gotten any Republican party literature for 24 months or more... so I don't know what I *should* be thinking about this movie, have no idea what the party line is these days.
But I do know this:
I'm sick of what modern American capitalism has done to my Dad's idea of insurance as a mutual benefit concept started by a bunch of farmers, the very same people who used to build each others' barns and harvest each others' fields, like my Grandpa did. Is there a company out there anymore who remembers the way it used to be? When people did good to one another with no expectation of (or... lust for) profit? If I'm a conservative... then THAT'S what I want to conserve. People giving up a little from their plenty to make sure that those who were hurting didn't hurt too much. And THAT'S who I want to work for.. somebody who gets that.
After all, isn't that what mutuality means? 2 Corinthians 8:13-15 says:
"Our desire is not that others might be relieved while you are hard pressed, but that there might be equality. At the present time your plenty will supply what they need, so that in turn their plenty will supply what you need. Then there will be equality, as it is written: 'He who gathered much did not have too much, and he who gathered little did not have too little.' "
Oooh, that Paul. He must have been one of those Godless liberals to talk that way..
That machine certainly made an impression on a pre-adolescent boy. But something else having to do with that machine made an even greater impression, that still lingers today. The neighboring farmers of my granpda's generation would get together and harvest each others' fields and then take turns using the thresher to winnow the grain. They all went from one field to another and did the harvesting collectively, though each farmer only ran his own grain through the thresher - it wasn't collectivism as such, just neighbors pooling resources to help each other out.
Grandpa's generation was the last one to do this. The younger farmers all bought their own combines and did their own harvesting, and... each went into debt to do so. Hm. They became dependent on a lender to become independent of their neighbors. Trading interdependence - for independence, but with dependence, too.. Grandpa's was also the last generation who did barn-raisings when a new farm family was starting out near them, or a fire had destroyed a neighbor's barn. They pitched in, gave of themselves, and knew - knew! - that their neighbors would do the same for them.
My Dad wasn't a farmer, rather a cheesemaker turned insurance salesman. But he had a similar idea about insurance that he shared with me as a teenager when I was wondering what I ought to do in life. He told me about why insurance was such a good thing, a humanitarian thing. It went back to the fraternal mutuals and the little town mutuals and why they were formed - to spread the risk. Everybody gave a little to protect against a lot. One kind sold life insurance and one fire insurance. But they were companies *not* owned by stockholders, *not* run by wall street investors. They were owned by the policy-holders, the customers. And that's how they were run - like mutual benefit societies. At least... in my Dad's day they were. And even up until 2000... I had worked for one who still thought that way. Until they were bought by one who didn't.
Now even the mutual companies are trying to act like stock companies, to compete. They compete for capital, market share, customer loyalty... as if they were independent of their policyholder owners. Trading interdependence with their customers for dependence on the capital markets and independence from their policyholders. Abandoning their roots for being... modern. Sounds familiar.
This week I saw Michael Moore's new movie, Sicko - an expose' of the American health care industry... and what it says about us as a culture. I didn't intend to be moved, I didn't intend for tears to escape. Imagine! Me, once a card-carrying member of the Libertarian party, silently weeping at a Michael Moore movie. What's wrong with me? Or maybe.. what's right with me all of a sudden?
Now I admit I haven't listened to Rush in about 2 years, haven't read a publication by the Christian Coalition for probably 3 years, haven't heard a public policy statement by James Dobson for 15 months or so, haven't gotten any Republican party literature for 24 months or more... so I don't know what I *should* be thinking about this movie, have no idea what the party line is these days.
But I do know this:
I'm sick of what modern American capitalism has done to my Dad's idea of insurance as a mutual benefit concept started by a bunch of farmers, the very same people who used to build each others' barns and harvest each others' fields, like my Grandpa did. Is there a company out there anymore who remembers the way it used to be? When people did good to one another with no expectation of (or... lust for) profit? If I'm a conservative... then THAT'S what I want to conserve. People giving up a little from their plenty to make sure that those who were hurting didn't hurt too much. And THAT'S who I want to work for.. somebody who gets that.
After all, isn't that what mutuality means? 2 Corinthians 8:13-15 says:
"Our desire is not that others might be relieved while you are hard pressed, but that there might be equality. At the present time your plenty will supply what they need, so that in turn their plenty will supply what you need. Then there will be equality, as it is written: 'He who gathered much did not have too much, and he who gathered little did not have too little.' "
Oooh, that Paul. He must have been one of those Godless liberals to talk that way..
Thursday, July 19, 2007
The unemployed life
Here's a typical day from my week alone this week:
Dinner of cheesy bratwurst and a salad of cubed colby, fresh roma tomatoes, cut up with baby zucchini sliced up fresh from the farmers market, dessert of fresh blackberries in blackberry yogurt w/ reddiwhip topping
Open 6 year old homemade chianti.. mmm
Watch The Count of Montecristo on Family Channel
Stay up late watching Casino Royale - again
Finish the bottle of wine opened at dinner (who am I saving it for?)
Sleep (Benadryl helps) 'till I wake up
Blog & email
Coffee (2) and protein bar (1) for breakfast
Shower, shave, dress (so to speak)
Talk to recruiter by phone
Read current fiction book
Water lawn, take out garbage
Lunch of a sandwich (pickle/pimento loaf with muenster cheese and miracle whip on wheat), bread and butter pickle spears, low-carb chocolate milk, vitamins & medicine.
Get car gassed & washed, go to post office
Check messages, return phone calls
Finish contents of coffee pot, make ahead for morning
Surf the net
Wonder where I'll end up next
repeat ad infinitum (or at least.. that's how it seems)
Dinner of cheesy bratwurst and a salad of cubed colby, fresh roma tomatoes, cut up with baby zucchini sliced up fresh from the farmers market, dessert of fresh blackberries in blackberry yogurt w/ reddiwhip topping
Open 6 year old homemade chianti.. mmm
Watch The Count of Montecristo on Family Channel
Stay up late watching Casino Royale - again
Finish the bottle of wine opened at dinner (who am I saving it for?)
Sleep (Benadryl helps) 'till I wake up
Blog & email
Coffee (2) and protein bar (1) for breakfast
Shower, shave, dress (so to speak)
Talk to recruiter by phone
Read current fiction book
Water lawn, take out garbage
Lunch of a sandwich (pickle/pimento loaf with muenster cheese and miracle whip on wheat), bread and butter pickle spears, low-carb chocolate milk, vitamins & medicine.
Get car gassed & washed, go to post office
Check messages, return phone calls
Finish contents of coffee pot, make ahead for morning
Surf the net
Wonder where I'll end up next
repeat ad infinitum (or at least.. that's how it seems)
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Going in circles
Last night, teaching class, I had an insight into a problem that the group was struggling with. It had to do with maximizing the area inside a rectangular enclosure. Sort of on the fly, I illustrated on the board how any geometric shape with a given perimeter will have a greater area inside that perimeter the closer it comes to looking like a circle. A long, narrow rectangle will have a smaller area than a square one will, given the same total outside measurements. Then I said - take the same outside measurements, and shape the figure into a circle, and you get an even greater inside area. Oooh... it works. Try this at home, kids! You'll see. :)
So what does this have to do with anything? Not too much, I guess, but.. it's an example of how I have fun in the classroom. :) Just as in singing jazz in a club, or in leading worship, I practice my teaching ahead of time, but enjoy improvising in the moment to have a greater impact. It's kind of similar to a performance. I want to connect with the "audience", help them appreciate the material, and if changing styles or delivery does that...
Circles. Something else about circles..
Oh, yeah. I heard a quote the other day. Kind of eastern-y but it sort of works. It goes something like: "life is a circle: you're sometimes at the top, sometimes at the bottom, but always in motion." Hm.
Does it seem to any of you that there are seasons in life where the movement from top to bottom, or the motion in general, seems to happen really fast? That's what it's felt like for the last month. Top to bottom in a real hurry. Two years ago, the same thing. Seven years ago, the same thing. The way down happens quickly.
But the way back up to the top of the circle goes pretty slow. Maybe instead of a circle, maybe life is like one long roller-coaster ride. Some long pulls up to the heights, fast and scary runs to the bottom, some freakishly high-speed curves, and some slow straight stretches where you can just regroup and remember where your stomach for all this went to.
Is this just my life? Or is everybody's life like this? Are there people whose life is more like a kayak trip in a river, going at their own pace, paddling when they feel like it, drifting at other times, pulling to shore and having a picnic lunch and a nap before they get back in and keep going? Can anybody relate to that kind of life?
Oh, I know, even the kayakers will encounter some narrow places in the river, some rocks, some rapids.. and they may get wet, overturn, pick up some bruises.. but, mmm, those placid times of drifting and gazing, and the peaceful tenting on shore! I guess when you're stuck on the roller coaster and you get motion sickness... the slow paddling life looks pretty appealing.
I'd trade some thrills for some peace right now.
So what does this have to do with anything? Not too much, I guess, but.. it's an example of how I have fun in the classroom. :) Just as in singing jazz in a club, or in leading worship, I practice my teaching ahead of time, but enjoy improvising in the moment to have a greater impact. It's kind of similar to a performance. I want to connect with the "audience", help them appreciate the material, and if changing styles or delivery does that...
Circles. Something else about circles..
Oh, yeah. I heard a quote the other day. Kind of eastern-y but it sort of works. It goes something like: "life is a circle: you're sometimes at the top, sometimes at the bottom, but always in motion." Hm.
Does it seem to any of you that there are seasons in life where the movement from top to bottom, or the motion in general, seems to happen really fast? That's what it's felt like for the last month. Top to bottom in a real hurry. Two years ago, the same thing. Seven years ago, the same thing. The way down happens quickly.
But the way back up to the top of the circle goes pretty slow. Maybe instead of a circle, maybe life is like one long roller-coaster ride. Some long pulls up to the heights, fast and scary runs to the bottom, some freakishly high-speed curves, and some slow straight stretches where you can just regroup and remember where your stomach for all this went to.
Is this just my life? Or is everybody's life like this? Are there people whose life is more like a kayak trip in a river, going at their own pace, paddling when they feel like it, drifting at other times, pulling to shore and having a picnic lunch and a nap before they get back in and keep going? Can anybody relate to that kind of life?
Oh, I know, even the kayakers will encounter some narrow places in the river, some rocks, some rapids.. and they may get wet, overturn, pick up some bruises.. but, mmm, those placid times of drifting and gazing, and the peaceful tenting on shore! I guess when you're stuck on the roller coaster and you get motion sickness... the slow paddling life looks pretty appealing.
I'd trade some thrills for some peace right now.
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Mass
Went here this morning.
Next week here
Today's service was gentle, easy, focused on showing kindness to those who are broken. It only took the pastor about 10 words in his opening statement to cause tears to well up. He began by talking about the brokenness in the world around us, and.. in each of us.. and that was it. Here we go again. :)
I suppose it was set up by the gathering song and the first two verses:
God of day and God of darkness, now we stand before the night.
As the shadows stretch & deepen, come and make our darkness bright.
All creation still is groaning for the dawning of your might.
When the Sun of peace and justice fills the earth with radiant light.
Still the nations curse the darkness, still the rich oppress the poor.
Still the earth is bruised and broken by the ones who still want more.
Come and wake us from our sleeping, so our hearts cannot ignore
All your people lost and broken, all your children at our door.
Though so many things are still unfamiiar, I felt more comfortable this time, remembering some of the responses, prayers, creeds. I still don't know when to kneel, etc. - so I don't. Got confused during the Eucharist part, as they served some people from the back - who knew to turn that way? But mmm.. it was another beautiful setting, too. Oh, the windows on this sunny day! And the beautiful rose marble around the altar area... lovely.
They did something I don't recall seeing before.. maybe this happens in every parish? As they were getting ready to read (and then again after they read) the gospel for the day, they marched a big and colorful book of it around the front of the church. It was like they do in the synagogue when they march the Torah around! :) Except in the synagogue, the people can touch the Torah as it passes, and they play peppier music too. I think that would be a nice addition here.
More good songs with easy melodies, again focused on compassion and showing kindness to those around us. Many were in 3/4 tempo, which makes you feel like swaying a bit, like you're being rocked by someone loving. :) Nice. And they used The Servant Song, kind of a campfire song from the early days of the Jesus Movement back in the day - *my* day. ;) I'd forgotten it had these verses.. which felt like it was written for me to hear, expressing my need, my desire, for someone to sing this to me today:
I will hold the Christ-light for you
In the night-time of your fear.
I will hold my hand out to you -
Speak the peace you long to hear.
I will weep when you are weeping;
When you laugh, I'll laugh with you.
I will share your joy and sorrow,
'Til we've seen this journey through.
So... pretty much what I needed today. :)
Next week may be a lot more rollicking. I hear they have a contemporary worship band. Oooh..
Next week here
Today's service was gentle, easy, focused on showing kindness to those who are broken. It only took the pastor about 10 words in his opening statement to cause tears to well up. He began by talking about the brokenness in the world around us, and.. in each of us.. and that was it. Here we go again. :)
I suppose it was set up by the gathering song and the first two verses:
God of day and God of darkness, now we stand before the night.
As the shadows stretch & deepen, come and make our darkness bright.
All creation still is groaning for the dawning of your might.
When the Sun of peace and justice fills the earth with radiant light.
Still the nations curse the darkness, still the rich oppress the poor.
Still the earth is bruised and broken by the ones who still want more.
Come and wake us from our sleeping, so our hearts cannot ignore
All your people lost and broken, all your children at our door.
Though so many things are still unfamiiar, I felt more comfortable this time, remembering some of the responses, prayers, creeds. I still don't know when to kneel, etc. - so I don't. Got confused during the Eucharist part, as they served some people from the back - who knew to turn that way? But mmm.. it was another beautiful setting, too. Oh, the windows on this sunny day! And the beautiful rose marble around the altar area... lovely.
They did something I don't recall seeing before.. maybe this happens in every parish? As they were getting ready to read (and then again after they read) the gospel for the day, they marched a big and colorful book of it around the front of the church. It was like they do in the synagogue when they march the Torah around! :) Except in the synagogue, the people can touch the Torah as it passes, and they play peppier music too. I think that would be a nice addition here.
More good songs with easy melodies, again focused on compassion and showing kindness to those around us. Many were in 3/4 tempo, which makes you feel like swaying a bit, like you're being rocked by someone loving. :) Nice. And they used The Servant Song, kind of a campfire song from the early days of the Jesus Movement back in the day - *my* day. ;) I'd forgotten it had these verses.. which felt like it was written for me to hear, expressing my need, my desire, for someone to sing this to me today:
I will hold the Christ-light for you
In the night-time of your fear.
I will hold my hand out to you -
Speak the peace you long to hear.
I will weep when you are weeping;
When you laugh, I'll laugh with you.
I will share your joy and sorrow,
'Til we've seen this journey through.
So... pretty much what I needed today. :)
Next week may be a lot more rollicking. I hear they have a contemporary worship band. Oooh..
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Employment "At Will"
My last company made it very clear during the hiring process (and the termination process) that they are an "at will" employer. In other words, either party can terminate the relationship at any time for any reason without obligation to the other party. And I see more and more employers using this term now - it's a trend.
And it occurs to me that it's very much like another societal trend. It's like a couple living together for convenience sake. A boy and a girl move in together, share the rent, share the groceries, share the chores, share the bed... and if they happen to like each other a bit - that's a little something extra, but.. not all that necessary. They each get some help from the other, get some basic needs met (financial, domestic, physical), and the relationship - ehh, secondary.
Either party can walk at any time. If you stop getting as much as you give - it can end. No hard feelings, no strings... because no real lasting intimacy was built, no committments made, no true and selfless love shared.
That's what it has felt like at work over the last 7 years. No committment, no intimacy, no caring, no strings - no love. And I keep asking myself: why do I approach work like a love affair? Why do I want to love and be loved - at work?
I must not be as hip and modern as I think. Get with it, boy! Can't you see you're too sentimental? It's an arrangement of mutual convenience. It's not personal... it's just business.
And it occurs to me that it's very much like another societal trend. It's like a couple living together for convenience sake. A boy and a girl move in together, share the rent, share the groceries, share the chores, share the bed... and if they happen to like each other a bit - that's a little something extra, but.. not all that necessary. They each get some help from the other, get some basic needs met (financial, domestic, physical), and the relationship - ehh, secondary.
Either party can walk at any time. If you stop getting as much as you give - it can end. No hard feelings, no strings... because no real lasting intimacy was built, no committments made, no true and selfless love shared.
That's what it has felt like at work over the last 7 years. No committment, no intimacy, no caring, no strings - no love. And I keep asking myself: why do I approach work like a love affair? Why do I want to love and be loved - at work?
I must not be as hip and modern as I think. Get with it, boy! Can't you see you're too sentimental? It's an arrangement of mutual convenience. It's not personal... it's just business.
Friday, July 13, 2007
More interviews coming
...some by phone, some on-site.
Looks like I'm definitely going to the company in Missouri for an on-site interview somewhere around the 24th, details to come from their travel planner. I'll probably be meeting with 6 different people from 9 to 2, flying down the night before, back the next afternoon. The hiring manager plus his boss will both be there, so they say this will be a one-shot deal, no need for a return visit, they'll make a decision fast. Good! No additional waiting..
And, the HR person also voluntarily brought up with my recruiter that this company also happens to have a Twin Cities branch, and would that be an option for an office if that's preferable to telecommuting? They'd still have to be convinced, of course, that I don't need to be in MO to actually do this job. Their starting position is that I'd have to be there. That dicsussion definitely follows after the on-site interview, so... no holding of breath allowed!!!
Then there are two phone interviews on Monday, one with a company in Central Wisconsin (no, not the one I used to work for), and one with a company with positions in Nebraska. I just got the job descriptions on those, and haven't reviewed them yet. Too much to think about today!
I think a visit to the theatre to see Harry Potter is what's in order for tonight, before D disappears for 10 days. A little escapism now and then is a healthy thing..
Looks like I'm definitely going to the company in Missouri for an on-site interview somewhere around the 24th, details to come from their travel planner. I'll probably be meeting with 6 different people from 9 to 2, flying down the night before, back the next afternoon. The hiring manager plus his boss will both be there, so they say this will be a one-shot deal, no need for a return visit, they'll make a decision fast. Good! No additional waiting..
And, the HR person also voluntarily brought up with my recruiter that this company also happens to have a Twin Cities branch, and would that be an option for an office if that's preferable to telecommuting? They'd still have to be convinced, of course, that I don't need to be in MO to actually do this job. Their starting position is that I'd have to be there. That dicsussion definitely follows after the on-site interview, so... no holding of breath allowed!!!
Then there are two phone interviews on Monday, one with a company in Central Wisconsin (no, not the one I used to work for), and one with a company with positions in Nebraska. I just got the job descriptions on those, and haven't reviewed them yet. Too much to think about today!
I think a visit to the theatre to see Harry Potter is what's in order for tonight, before D disappears for 10 days. A little escapism now and then is a healthy thing..
Thursday, July 12, 2007
More Twists and Turns
on path A, at least.
This is peculiar.
The day after one job possibility dries up... another surfaces, and fast. The recruiter called and said "I ran your resume by so and so at such and such a company, and... he'll call you at 4:45 today. Can you be ready?" Woah! Okay...
He called, we talked, the role seems to be a good fit with my background, he wants someone very independent and confident, and... the oddest part... they are open to me telecommuting from here vs. their Missouri office, as long as I would be willing to travel there often for face time.
Wow. What do I do with this? Does this mean we can stay in this house? Keep unpacking? Continue with school plans as they were when we moved here? Yikes!
So this morning, the recruiter calls and says "they want you to come down for interviews the week of the 23rd. And did you know they have a Twin Cities branch you could work out of, too?" Um... no.
Okay, my head is spinning right now. Calm down, calm down.
This is peculiar.
The day after one job possibility dries up... another surfaces, and fast. The recruiter called and said "I ran your resume by so and so at such and such a company, and... he'll call you at 4:45 today. Can you be ready?" Woah! Okay...
He called, we talked, the role seems to be a good fit with my background, he wants someone very independent and confident, and... the oddest part... they are open to me telecommuting from here vs. their Missouri office, as long as I would be willing to travel there often for face time.
Wow. What do I do with this? Does this mean we can stay in this house? Keep unpacking? Continue with school plans as they were when we moved here? Yikes!
So this morning, the recruiter calls and says "they want you to come down for interviews the week of the 23rd. And did you know they have a Twin Cities branch you could work out of, too?" Um... no.
Okay, my head is spinning right now. Calm down, calm down.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Path A takes a turn
...in the woods today, to a road less traveled - by me, anyway. The company I'd been interviewing with stopped the process and is going to try to develop someone internally into the role they were interviewing me for.
Just goes to show you that what I said about recruiters being paid to be optimistic is true. Optimism for the sake of optimism doesn't produce anything tangible. If your optimism isn't based on something sound... it's really just so much wishful thinking.
So, now - no active "same career" positions to pursue. There are inquiries being made, possiblities, ideas... but no interviews lined up. Path A is heading into the heavy brush, it appears.
No updates on Path B other than I felt very at home and comfortable teaching class last night. We'll see how at home I feel grading papers and preparing quizzes today...
Just goes to show you that what I said about recruiters being paid to be optimistic is true. Optimism for the sake of optimism doesn't produce anything tangible. If your optimism isn't based on something sound... it's really just so much wishful thinking.
So, now - no active "same career" positions to pursue. There are inquiries being made, possiblities, ideas... but no interviews lined up. Path A is heading into the heavy brush, it appears.
No updates on Path B other than I felt very at home and comfortable teaching class last night. We'll see how at home I feel grading papers and preparing quizzes today...
Monday, July 09, 2007
My first class
as an adjunct professor was tonight.
It was...
fun! :)
I wasn't prepared for all the questions that came up, but I knew the material well enough to improvise, and... connect. :) I saw the light bulb come on over peoples' heads and it felt great. First night jitters weren't too bad, and the 4 hour class went smoothly. I liked it a lot. I felt both in control of the classroom and at ease with the students. And I especially liked the time where students did work in class, and I ... collected my wits, thought about the next topics, and.. even checked my email. :)
The students ranged in age from about early 20s to 50ish, in occupations from being in the family bakery business to insurance marketing to data processing to the National Guard, all looking to improve themselves by getting their bachelor's degree. When I asked what the last time was that they were in a math class, the lone female revealed her age by joking with one guy who said "1982" by saying.. "woah, I wasn't even born yet!"
And of course, the only woman in the class was also the only one who called for the teacher to "come help me?" and cooed "gee, have you always been so good at math?" Yeah, well... don't try that "I'm just a girl" stuff on me! ;) I know too many actuaries who are female..
So, a good first night behind the podium, and now I'm really looking forward to next week! Even with papers to grade and a quiz to prepare. :) It even felt good to have dress clothes on again... never thought I'd say that!
It was...
fun! :)
I wasn't prepared for all the questions that came up, but I knew the material well enough to improvise, and... connect. :) I saw the light bulb come on over peoples' heads and it felt great. First night jitters weren't too bad, and the 4 hour class went smoothly. I liked it a lot. I felt both in control of the classroom and at ease with the students. And I especially liked the time where students did work in class, and I ... collected my wits, thought about the next topics, and.. even checked my email. :)
The students ranged in age from about early 20s to 50ish, in occupations from being in the family bakery business to insurance marketing to data processing to the National Guard, all looking to improve themselves by getting their bachelor's degree. When I asked what the last time was that they were in a math class, the lone female revealed her age by joking with one guy who said "1982" by saying.. "woah, I wasn't even born yet!"
And of course, the only woman in the class was also the only one who called for the teacher to "come help me?" and cooed "gee, have you always been so good at math?" Yeah, well... don't try that "I'm just a girl" stuff on me! ;) I know too many actuaries who are female..
So, a good first night behind the podium, and now I'm really looking forward to next week! Even with papers to grade and a quiz to prepare. :) It even felt good to have dress clothes on again... never thought I'd say that!
Sunday, July 08, 2007
Itty-bitty
Still browsing around for churches to attend. Two weeks ago it was a small church (40 attending?), meeting in a city hall auditorium two blocks from the house. Today it was even smaller (20 or so), meeting in what sort of looks like a cross between an old Elks club and an abandoned dentist's office, in an east side urban neighborhood.
Up until now, the Evangelical churches we've been to have made a point of including diversity as a priority in their mission statements, but do you think you could find someone in the chairs who was of a different demographic? Nope. But today... oh yeah.
The place seemed struggling, but... happy. :) They could use a hand, and seemed like they'd welcome ours. I'd nearly forgotten what an itty-bitty church was like. Soooo many mega- and multicampus- churches around here. Ugh. :(
The next two Sundays I'm on my own, so... probably will continue my exploration of the Catholic worship experience. I've been to the cathedral and the basilica and an urban parish where they do the Latin mass... time for something more run-of-the-mill and local now, to see what the regular neighborhood parishes are like.
Up until now, the Evangelical churches we've been to have made a point of including diversity as a priority in their mission statements, but do you think you could find someone in the chairs who was of a different demographic? Nope. But today... oh yeah.
The place seemed struggling, but... happy. :) They could use a hand, and seemed like they'd welcome ours. I'd nearly forgotten what an itty-bitty church was like. Soooo many mega- and multicampus- churches around here. Ugh. :(
The next two Sundays I'm on my own, so... probably will continue my exploration of the Catholic worship experience. I've been to the cathedral and the basilica and an urban parish where they do the Latin mass... time for something more run-of-the-mill and local now, to see what the regular neighborhood parishes are like.
Saturday, July 07, 2007
Clueless and dripping
that's how I'll be this weekend.
It's supposed to be 95 and humid today and tomorrow, sticky-icky, w/lows in the 70s. So I'll be holed up in my lower level lounge just like a troll..
Ooooh! I know! I'll surface occasionally to see who's on the "Live Earth" concert on cable. Mmmm... just saw the Black Eyed Peas from London. Oh, they're my favorite. ;) Riiiight. Wait, wait! Ludacris is on! Even better! And now... it's AFI. Love the hair, dude. And the lip ring. mmhmm. Oh oh - a switch to London... and we have... The Pussycat Dolls. Hmmmm. I think I have a new favorite group. :P
Well, it's either that or Wimbeldon.. or the US Senior Men's Open from Whistling Straits in Kohler.. or the Dirty Dozen on AMC tonight.. sooooo many choices.
So that's the dripping part - or rather, trying to avoid dripping.
For the clueless part, still no feedback from the second phone interview except from my recruiter and she's paid to be positive, so I can pretty much ignore her comments like "Oh, don't worry... they really like you!" Yeah. Lots of people have - who I don't work for. :) So.. I have to wait until Monday to see if I get an invite to interview with them in person. Still the only thing in the Path A pipeline.
On Path B, the student housing person called - all the 3 bedroom campus apartments are taken, and did I want a 2 bedroom? Well... yeah. Occupancy August 20, with the lease coming next week, and then two weeks to pay the security deposit. So I have two weeks to figure out which mystery account of mine has the money for that.
Next week Monday I teach my first class as an adjunct professor. Hm. Maybe that can pay for the security desposit... 7 weeks from now. Hm. Anyway, it should be interesting to get into the classroom with bright and shining faces for 4 hours. :) Oh, yeah, they're adult commuter students.. how about tired and wrinkled faces? ;)
The school where I'm enrolled needs adjunct professors, too, I learned yesterday - for their undergrad programs. I inquired, they responded, asked for my resume (or as they say in academe, my curriculum vita), so I wait for that. The part-time jobs I applied for ... still waiting. WIll followup next week. The jobs D applied and interviewed for.. still waiting. Next week, too.
So.. I spend the weekend being clueless. And dripping.
Next week, it's supposed to cool off. That's one down.
For the other one... can I just get a clue, please?
It's supposed to be 95 and humid today and tomorrow, sticky-icky, w/lows in the 70s. So I'll be holed up in my lower level lounge just like a troll..
Ooooh! I know! I'll surface occasionally to see who's on the "Live Earth" concert on cable. Mmmm... just saw the Black Eyed Peas from London. Oh, they're my favorite. ;) Riiiight. Wait, wait! Ludacris is on! Even better! And now... it's AFI. Love the hair, dude. And the lip ring. mmhmm. Oh oh - a switch to London... and we have... The Pussycat Dolls. Hmmmm. I think I have a new favorite group. :P
Well, it's either that or Wimbeldon.. or the US Senior Men's Open from Whistling Straits in Kohler.. or the Dirty Dozen on AMC tonight.. sooooo many choices.
So that's the dripping part - or rather, trying to avoid dripping.
For the clueless part, still no feedback from the second phone interview except from my recruiter and she's paid to be positive, so I can pretty much ignore her comments like "Oh, don't worry... they really like you!" Yeah. Lots of people have - who I don't work for. :) So.. I have to wait until Monday to see if I get an invite to interview with them in person. Still the only thing in the Path A pipeline.
On Path B, the student housing person called - all the 3 bedroom campus apartments are taken, and did I want a 2 bedroom? Well... yeah. Occupancy August 20, with the lease coming next week, and then two weeks to pay the security deposit. So I have two weeks to figure out which mystery account of mine has the money for that.
Next week Monday I teach my first class as an adjunct professor. Hm. Maybe that can pay for the security desposit... 7 weeks from now. Hm. Anyway, it should be interesting to get into the classroom with bright and shining faces for 4 hours. :) Oh, yeah, they're adult commuter students.. how about tired and wrinkled faces? ;)
The school where I'm enrolled needs adjunct professors, too, I learned yesterday - for their undergrad programs. I inquired, they responded, asked for my resume (or as they say in academe, my curriculum vita), so I wait for that. The part-time jobs I applied for ... still waiting. WIll followup next week. The jobs D applied and interviewed for.. still waiting. Next week, too.
So.. I spend the weekend being clueless. And dripping.
Next week, it's supposed to cool off. That's one down.
For the other one... can I just get a clue, please?
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
Calling vs. Vocation?
Is there such as thing as a calling?
You hear it talked about mostly in terms of a "call to ministry", as in to be a pastor or priest, or maybe a call to be a missionary, or some other kind of role in a religious setting, as long as it's vocational. Plus, if you want to be ordained as a minister, there's usually some review of your credentials and training, and some kind of panel you must go in front of and convince them of your fitness for the role, including your "calling."
But in the Bible, the only vocational religious workers were the priests in the Old Testament or the apostles/missionaries in the New. Most of those serving in leadership roles in the church were unpaid volunteers who had other jobs. Paul even set the example for that with his tentmaking. Somehow the church evolved over time to having lots of paid "pastoral staff." Why? Is the idea of having a "calling" really all that Biblical?
In the church, there are lots of different ways people are gifted by God for service. Having those gifts (even the ones like teaching and leadership and prophecy and shepherding and evangelism) don't necessarily require that you have to do them as your full-time occupation and earn your living at them for it to count. So why should there need to be a sense of "calling" at all? Isn't it instead a question of how God has gifted you?
Must it be religious at all? Don't we hear people talking about "calling" in another sense? Have you heard people say that they were called to be a teacher, or a nurse? Can you be "called" to a vocation at all? And if you can be, could you be called to *any* vocation, not just a "helping" one? Can you be called to raise cattle for God? Called to the accounting ministry? Called to a life of service as a politician? Can you be called to serve God as a professional wrestler?
And if there is such a thing as a calling in a vocational sense, then isn't there a calling for everyone? Eph. 2:10 comes to mind - don't we all have good works that God has prepared in advance for us to do? Isn't that our calling? Put another way, isn't your "calling in life" really just a combination of your aptitude, skills, preferences and motivations, all of which God gives you or develops in you over time? And if your skills, preferences and motivations change over time, does your "calling" change, too?
Maybe to make it even simpler, if skills & aptitude can be called "giftedness" and preferences & motivations can be called "desire", isn't your calling, your "mission in life", that place where your giftedness and desire meet?
If I have desire to do a thing but am not gifted for it, can it really be my calling? Sounds like the opening rounds of American Idol. After some quick laughs at my ineptitude, I'll get sent home pretty quickly.
In the same way, can something be my calling if I am gifted for it, but it makes me want to run screaming in the other direction? Sounds like the reluctant prophet Jonah. Hm. Perhaps it would be best for the crew right now, perhaps the seas would get calmer, if I got thrown off the ship..
So, if there is such a thing as a "calling" - do I have one? And what is it, exactly? I have lots of different skills and aptitudes. I also know what my preferences and motivations are. Hm. Too bad that place where they intersect doesn't pay very well...
On the other hand.. does my desire - my preferences and motivations - really have anything to do with the good works God has planned for me to do? Does my desire always line up with His plan? No.
If I have a variety of gifts - my aptitudes and skills - then maybe there are a variety of good works for me to do, too. Fine. Just... which set of gifts do I take on as a vocation? If not where they intersect with desire... then wouldn't I need an overriding "push" from God to choose contrary to desire? Perhaps that's a "calling" in a sense? A push from God to work contrary to my desire - for a larger purpose?
Okay, so ... push me then. Otherwise...
You hear it talked about mostly in terms of a "call to ministry", as in to be a pastor or priest, or maybe a call to be a missionary, or some other kind of role in a religious setting, as long as it's vocational. Plus, if you want to be ordained as a minister, there's usually some review of your credentials and training, and some kind of panel you must go in front of and convince them of your fitness for the role, including your "calling."
But in the Bible, the only vocational religious workers were the priests in the Old Testament or the apostles/missionaries in the New. Most of those serving in leadership roles in the church were unpaid volunteers who had other jobs. Paul even set the example for that with his tentmaking. Somehow the church evolved over time to having lots of paid "pastoral staff." Why? Is the idea of having a "calling" really all that Biblical?
In the church, there are lots of different ways people are gifted by God for service. Having those gifts (even the ones like teaching and leadership and prophecy and shepherding and evangelism) don't necessarily require that you have to do them as your full-time occupation and earn your living at them for it to count. So why should there need to be a sense of "calling" at all? Isn't it instead a question of how God has gifted you?
Must it be religious at all? Don't we hear people talking about "calling" in another sense? Have you heard people say that they were called to be a teacher, or a nurse? Can you be "called" to a vocation at all? And if you can be, could you be called to *any* vocation, not just a "helping" one? Can you be called to raise cattle for God? Called to the accounting ministry? Called to a life of service as a politician? Can you be called to serve God as a professional wrestler?
And if there is such a thing as a calling in a vocational sense, then isn't there a calling for everyone? Eph. 2:10 comes to mind - don't we all have good works that God has prepared in advance for us to do? Isn't that our calling? Put another way, isn't your "calling in life" really just a combination of your aptitude, skills, preferences and motivations, all of which God gives you or develops in you over time? And if your skills, preferences and motivations change over time, does your "calling" change, too?
Maybe to make it even simpler, if skills & aptitude can be called "giftedness" and preferences & motivations can be called "desire", isn't your calling, your "mission in life", that place where your giftedness and desire meet?
If I have desire to do a thing but am not gifted for it, can it really be my calling? Sounds like the opening rounds of American Idol. After some quick laughs at my ineptitude, I'll get sent home pretty quickly.
In the same way, can something be my calling if I am gifted for it, but it makes me want to run screaming in the other direction? Sounds like the reluctant prophet Jonah. Hm. Perhaps it would be best for the crew right now, perhaps the seas would get calmer, if I got thrown off the ship..
So, if there is such a thing as a "calling" - do I have one? And what is it, exactly? I have lots of different skills and aptitudes. I also know what my preferences and motivations are. Hm. Too bad that place where they intersect doesn't pay very well...
On the other hand.. does my desire - my preferences and motivations - really have anything to do with the good works God has planned for me to do? Does my desire always line up with His plan? No.
If I have a variety of gifts - my aptitudes and skills - then maybe there are a variety of good works for me to do, too. Fine. Just... which set of gifts do I take on as a vocation? If not where they intersect with desire... then wouldn't I need an overriding "push" from God to choose contrary to desire? Perhaps that's a "calling" in a sense? A push from God to work contrary to my desire - for a larger purpose?
Okay, so ... push me then. Otherwise...
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
Step Three? (on path A)
Just finished a second phone interview with a large privately held brokerage firm re: a job running their quantitative analysis department. It went well enough to prompt the EVP I spoke with to say that he would have his HR people send me some links to do some on-line "testing." Fun! Yuk..
Step three would be a trip in to their headquarters (where the job would also be housed - an 8 hour drive away from here) for a round of interviews with other people who would contribute to the hiring decision. I have no idea how soon that would happen. A week? Three? I also have no idea yet if the fit would be a good one. I know I could do the work, but ... the people and culture? Too soon to say.
No other interviews (in my field) in the pipeline, although my recruiter is chasing some down. In the meantime (on path B), the realtor comes Thursday to talk about listing the house. I'm still waiting on news from the financial aid dept. of the Seminary here, and D has applied for a job at the university on which she's also awaiting word. Maybe a tuition discount could emerge from that?
Stay tuned. More news when I have it.
Step three would be a trip in to their headquarters (where the job would also be housed - an 8 hour drive away from here) for a round of interviews with other people who would contribute to the hiring decision. I have no idea how soon that would happen. A week? Three? I also have no idea yet if the fit would be a good one. I know I could do the work, but ... the people and culture? Too soon to say.
No other interviews (in my field) in the pipeline, although my recruiter is chasing some down. In the meantime (on path B), the realtor comes Thursday to talk about listing the house. I'm still waiting on news from the financial aid dept. of the Seminary here, and D has applied for a job at the university on which she's also awaiting word. Maybe a tuition discount could emerge from that?
Stay tuned. More news when I have it.
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